As you find yourself alone on a Friday night and listening to an Adele song that brings back memories of your ex, you may start to feel a strong urge to check his Facebook profile and reconnect with him. However, it's important to remember these 11 things and resist the temptation to reach out:
1 A breakup doesn't just happen
It can be tempting to forget what led to your breakup, but it's important to remember that someone initiated it or did something wrong. Even if the breakup was mutual, there were reasons why you both had to go your separate ways. Take some time to write out those reasons and remind yourself of them - you could even stick them on a Post-It and place it somewhere visible like your fridge or computer screen. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you should go back to a broken relationship.
2. Time apart is a myth
You may believe that time apart after a breakup is beneficial, as it allows you to return to the relationship wiser, stronger, and more mature. However, the truth is that people who are truly in love will stay with each other and won't need time apart. Remember that you walked away from the relationship because you weren't right for each other, and that's a fact. Don't romanticize the idea of returning to a relationship that ultimately didn't work out.
3. It's a relationship, not a train station
Don't let your ex waltz back into your life easily. Remember that he walked out, and you closed the door and bolted it in three places. If you're feeling tempted to reconnect, log into your Gmail and read all the messages you exchanged with your bestie about how much you wanted to kick his ass when he hurt you. Remember how he made you feel and ask yourself if you really need that kind of BS in your life.
4. It's easy to forget the bad times
Time has a peculiar effect: it can dull pain but also intensify nostalgia for the good times. If you're going through a tough time or feeling lonely, it's the perfect setup for nostalgia to take center stage and trick you into thinking your ex wasn't so bad, despite the truth that he was.
5. Missing someone messes with your head
It's common to remember someone differently when you miss them, but it's important to stick to the truth of what happened. Ask others to remind you if you're struggling to keep a clear head. And, for the love of everything good in the world, log off Facebook to avoid checking out your ex's profile where he seems like the perfect guy. Remember that firsthand, he's far from perfect.
6. the love is gone
Whether or not you completely got over him, the fact is that there was love lacking that caused your breakup. Going back to the relationship and expecting love to conquer all is not realistic. Stop watching those silly romantic comedies and love yourself enough to accept that it's over.
7. It was a good thing
You had a traumatic breakup and lost a great guy, and now it might seem hard to hear that it's a good thing. But hear me out: if he was meant to be with you and help you grow, he would still be in your life. The fact that he is not means that you have other places to be and things to experience. The relationship ended so you could get out there and have other opportunities. Although it might not feel like it's a great thing now, one day you'll realize that it worked out in the best way.
8. You might think, "But there's no one else"
If you find yourself thinking that your ex is a better prospect than the jerks on dating apps, it's important to realize that you might be speaking from a place of loneliness. It's like saying, "He's the best I could do" or "He's really the only option I have" — both of which are complete BS.
9. People don't really change
It's possible that your ex could show up on your doorstep as a changed man. Maybe he's grown, matured, and finally learned to put the toilet seat down. However, it's important to remember that people don't change all that much. Instead of thinking about what could have been, it's best to avoid disappointment by acknowledging that he's still the same old guy, just a bit older and with more facial hair.
10. You've grown from the experience
Going through a traumatic breakup can feel like crawling through fire, but on the other side, you emerge stronger and wiser. So why would you want to give that progress away by wasting time thinking about your ex? He represents what was and what you've overcome. You've come so far and grown too much to go back to him now.
11. Don't stand in your own way
If you find yourself dwelling on what could have been, you may be resisting opportunities in favor of the comfort zone of the past. While it can feel comforting to replay memories and think about the good times, it's actually a false sense of security. What was is no longer a reality, but your bright future is waiting for you to create it. Don't let your lousy ex hold you back from the amazing things you're capable of achieving.
