We know how the story goes. Men are the default to most safety procedures and bar (brace yourself for sweeping statements) divorce alimony courts, custody messes and car crash insurance claims. We women are not particularly well-positioned in legal discourse. Quite apart from the fact that astronauts, car manufacturers and many other multigender industries only test their products on large adult men – but apparently that’s neither here nor there.
Am I bitter? Probably. As Halsey said, ‘I’m mad but somebody should be’. Join me in my rage against the machine which conveniently doubles as a daily validation of all the women around me that thrive despite all of the … around us. I won’t even put pen to paper to attempt to summarise that further, lol. But you get me.
Of course you do, it’s all part of the unspoken existence of woman.
When society looks at women they shape up for a war on imperfections – and how they can supposedly be solved. Hell, half the time we weren’t even aware that our eyebrows or thigh gap was an issue. But don’t worry, Mr. Large conglomerate multimedia industry has an expensive solution for all of us! All it costs is everything we have! Fun! Any more passive aggressive exclamation marks? No, good. Calm down, pal – we have much further to go than capitalistic vitriol.
But as anyone who’s been in a relationship will tell you, flaws are the best bit about a person. Except if they’re ideologically problematic, of course.
Ditch those losers.
But otherwise it’s no question of holding them against the person you love. Yes, it’s human nature to feel like you have flaws or mistakes or things that you need to improve upon. The need to be needed and form connections is one that is fundamental to the human experience. This includes both physical and emotional, even spiritual moments that you can forge together with another person, which allows you to be vulnerable (scary) and honest (gosh!) with other people and yourselves.
Resultant of this instinct, we form communities and band together with common interests to face common enemies, and the same is true on the individual basis. While it’s perfectly fine to be nomadic, or to love living alone and in your own space, it’s also extremely natural – not dated, or silly – to want to shack up with someone. If nothing else, this comes out of a desire to think about the future, seek protection, and above all else, have security. This was true of cavemen gathered around primitive fires, and it’s true of your Sunday morning family brunch in 2019.
It’s just science, guys.
When you’re in a relationship you need to feel like you can be vulnerable and loved for those vulnerabilities. Otherwise, you don’t have an outlet, and you will start to bottle up your emotions. Nothing good comes in those bottles, my friends.
Another key fact to note is that we aren’t perfect and we don’t need to always feel perfect, empowered and beautiful. The goal of life isn’t to feel free and pretty and palatable. Sometimes you need to sweat it out and just get on with things without worrying about other people. Sometimes you need other people to connect with to grow together. It’s the plot of all the great rom coms to grace our era, where the girl sets about improving the guy’s way of life to impress another girl, but they end up falling in love with each other, both growing into well-rounded adults, capable of compromise, compassion, and communication.
What about that is not desirable?
Shockingly this is something that women still have to relearn everyday. We’re always taught to be in competition with each other. Fighting for each other’s positions at work as though success is finite. But that’s not true! One person’s success is not your failure. There is enough to go around!
Furthermore, just as we are willing to overlook flaws in others – they do the same for us. We’re all secretly thinking that we are the worst people in a room and that we are the exception to all social codes. Not so. When you love another person unconditionally you also give yourself space and time to love yourself. And, in loving their flaws, you realise that yours aren’t all so bad after all.
You learn so much more about your own needs. Sometimes in the dark recesses of our mind there lies a few thoughts that we would rather didn’t see the light of day. They largely comprise of self-hating angst and irrational stress about things we can’t control. But lots of us grow up thinking that we’re unloveable, or that a relationship won’t ever be on the cards. Therefore, when we eventually get what we’re looking for, we realise how much we can offer the world. Indeed, once you’re comfortable, you recognise your own needs. You also realise that you can communicate these needs, boundaries or desires and have them happily met or discussed. In short, you have proof that you are a good person, worthy and capable of love.
It makes self-love so much easier when you have proof.
This is why lots of women sometimes feel that they are only complete or comfortable or able to achieve their social goals when they’ve got a partner. While I appreciate and respect that value is often one held out of experience, I think there’s more to us than that.
Women can exist and have value without our relationally to another man. We aren’t worthy of interest or sympathy merely because we’re someone’s wife or daughter. We are worthy because we exits. Simple as.
Make sure you remember that, all the female-identifying gals out there.
What was that capitalistic nonsense hairdressing serum motto the other year?
Because you’re worth it.
But for self worth, not fad shampoo. Your hair is fine. Generally, and in all respects, woman is incredible.