Why Leaving A Toxic Relationship That You Know Isn't Good For You Is So Hard

Leaving a toxic relationship can be a difficult and challenging process, even though you may be aware that the relationship is not healthy or beneficial for you. The reasons for this can be varied, from feelings of attachment or fear, to feelings of guilt or uncertainty about the future. The complexities of these emotions can make it hard to take action and move on from the relationship.

1. There's Too Much History

As thoughts of ending the relationship start to surface, memories of the good times may flood your mind, while the bad experiences are pushed to the back of your mind. While there may be a lot of history between you, it's important to consider if the negative experiences outweigh the positive. If that is the case, it may be time to move on.


2. You Find Comfort In The Familiar

When you have been in a relationship with someone for an extended period, a sense of ease and familiarity develops. You understand each other's habits and preferences and have learned to coexist. The idea of starting anew with someone new and having to navigate unfamiliar territory can be daunting.

3. You're Waiting For It To Get Better

Waiting for a relationship to improve is like waiting for rain in a desert. While it is possible, the odds are not in your favor. If the relationship continues to deteriorate, it's time to stop waiting and move on.


4. You're Not Just Leaving Him — You're Leaving Other People Too

As the relationship progresses, your social and familial networks will become increasingly intertwined. You'll form connections with the people close to your partner, and they will form connections with your own friends and family. If the relationship ends, it means losing not only your partner but also the relationships you've built with their loved ones, which can make the loss feel even greater.


5. You Genuinely Like Being In A Relationship (and That Means Any Relationship

It can be difficult to leave a toxic relationship because it may feel like you're giving up on something you've invested time and emotions in. You may also feel guilty for leaving and fear being alone. Additionally, the person you're in a relationship with may have convinced you that you're not good enough for anyone else or that you won't find someone else who will love you. It's important to remember that being in a healthy and happy relationship is crucial for your overall well-being and it's okay to let go of a relationship that is not serving you well.


6. You Don't Want To Give Up On Everything You've Fought So Hard For

It can be difficult to let go of a long-term relationship that you have invested a lot of time and energy in. The idea that it was "all for nothing" can be hard to accept. However, it's important to remember that not all relationships are meant to last and it's not worth continuing to put in the effort if it's not working out.


More Reasons Leaving A Toxic Relationship Is So Hard

1. You're Afraid That You Won't Find Someone Better

Believing that there's someone else out there for you can be hard when you're in a long-term relationship, but it's important to remember that there are plenty of other potential partners who can make you just as happy, if not happier. Don't convince yourself that your current relationship is the only one that will work out, because it's not. If things aren't working out, it's time to move on and find someone who is a better match for you.


2. You're Afraid That He'll Find Someone Better And Forget About You

Do not demean or compare yourself to other women. You are unique and special. If he chooses to be with someone else, it does not mean they are superior to you, and it does not change the memories and experiences you shared.

3. You're Afraid Of Being Alone

It's important to remember that being alone does not mean being lonely. Staying in an unhealthy relationship because of fear of loneliness is not a good reason. You should feel empowered and capable of being on your own, even if you're in a relationship. Your worth and happiness should not be solely dependent on being with someone else. Keep in mind that you have a support system in your friends and family, and they will be there for you before and after any romantic relationship.


4. You're Afraid You'll Regret It

It is unnecessary to worry about events that have not occurred yet. Your emotions and feelings may change once it's over and you may even feel a sense of relief. Also, there is no need to regret a decision that you know is the correct one. Even though it may not be what you desire, it is important and necessary for your well-being.

5. You Don't Want To Lose Him As A Friend

Leaving a toxic relationship can be difficult due to the fear of losing the person completely, even if the relationship is not healthy. However, it's important to remember that if the relationship isn't right, it's better to move on. Even if the person was also a friend, if you're meant to be friends, you will be in the future.


How To Make Leaving A Toxic Relationship Easier

Walking away from a toxic relationship can be difficult, but there are ways to make it less painful and even exciting.

1. Work On Developing Self-love

It is crucial to have a strong sense of self-worth when considering ending a toxic relationship, and in life in general. Sometimes, we may stay in a bad relationship because we believe we don't deserve better. Or, the fear of being alone may make us believe that being with someone who is not right for us is better than being alone. However, having a strong sense of self-love enables us to understand our own value and it makes it easy to reject anything less than what we deserve. It can make a huge difference in our lives.


2. Create A Clear Vision For Your Future

Visualize where you want to be and what you want to achieve in 5 or 10 years. Allow yourself to dream big and set aside limitations. Now, consider if those aspirations will be hindered by staying in your current relationship. Will you be able to pursue your goals such as writing a novel, traveling to Kenya, or getting a Ph.D.? If the answer is no, it may be time to end the relationship.


3. Talk To Your Family And Friends

Reaching out to loved ones for support and guidance is a good idea when considering ending a relationship. They have likely observed the dynamics of your relationship and can provide valuable insights and advice. Additionally, they can offer a listening ear and support as you navigate through this difficult decision. Don't hesitate to turn to them for help.


4. Start With Baby Steps

Ending a harmful relationship can be a difficult process and it's not always possible to end it all at once. It's acceptable to take your time and extricate yourself gradually, especially if doing so feels safer. One way to begin is by creating some physical distance from your partner, spend more time at work, with friends or family or engage in activities away from them to get accustomed to their absence. As you start to adapt to the distance, it will become easier to consider ending the relationship completely.


5. Make Preparations Where Possible

Ending a relationship can be difficult, especially when you're dependent on your partner for financial support or a place to live. To make the process less daunting, it's important to make preparations for the future. Start saving money as soon as you realize the relationship is over to provide a financial cushion. If saving is not feasible, consider reaching out to family or friends for temporary support and a place to stay. Having a plan in place can help ease the transition and make leaving the relationship feel more possible and even exciting.


6. Talk To A Therapist

It's important to talk to a therapist, especially if you are in a difficult and potentially harmful relationship. A therapist can provide a neutral space to discuss your problems and provide valuable insights that can help you gain clarity on the relationship. Additionally, speaking to a professional can alleviate guilt about burdening loved ones with your issues.


7. Remember The Person You Used To Be

Reflect on who you were before entering this relationship. Think about the characteristics, hobbies, and aspirations of that version of yourself. How did she spend her time and what did she desire in love? The more you remember and reconnect with that person, the more motivated you will be to reclaim and re-discover yourself.

8. Make Plans For The Immediate Aftermath

When I say making a plan, I don't mean just dealing with the logistics of leaving a toxic relationship. Instead, schedule something that excites you, something you're eager to do after breaking up. Perhaps plan a weekend getaway with friends to a city you've been wanting to visit. Or treat yourself to a spa day for some relaxation. Having something to look forward to will make the process of leaving easier and help you feel good after taking that step.