Why Keeping Score In Relationships Is One Of The Worst Things You Can Do

While most individuals don't intend to keep score in their relationships, they may find it difficult to forget when their partner falls short of expectations. However, storing these incidents to use them against them later is a form of score-keeping and it's not a helpful approach. It's important to learn to let go of such incidents, and if you can't, it may be time to end the relationship. Here are a few reasons why it's crucial to let go.

1. It's Just Mean

If both of you are making an effort to do your best most of the time, that's a decent achievement. Continuously highlighting his weaknesses every day is akin to bullying and serves no purpose.

2. Keeping Score Is Totally Self-centered

Keeping score involves focusing on how your partner is mistreating you, rather than considering your actions towards them. Since no one is flawless, it's highly likely that you've also done things that upset or hurt him.

3. Giving Stops Feeling Good

The reason for doing something kind is often to receive something in return. However, if your motive is to prove a point or establish your dominance, it's not a selfless act, and you won't truly feel the joy of being kind to someone you love.

4. Because You'll Never Agree On The Score

Even if you believe it's reasonable to deduct points from your partner for forgetting to call you after work, he may perceive it as a minor mistake worth only a fraction of a point, while it may affect your mood to a greater extent, resulting in a deduction of 5 points. This disparity means that you'll never be on equal footing, and it's usually an unfavorable indication for the relationship.

5. Things Tend To Balance Out Regardless

Perhaps your partner isn't good at remembering to feed the dog, but he always takes him out for an early morning walk. In most cases, there's a natural equilibrium that doesn't require constant supervision, so it's best not to interfere with the existing balance.

6. Everyone Makes Mistakes

Even your mother can have bad days, but you likely don't remind her of the unpleasant remark she made last year every time she becomes too intrusive in your life.

7. It's A Pessimistic Approach

Keeping score means concentrating on the negative aspects, which are likely to be fewer than the positive aspects in any case. After all, why would you be in the relationship if it were not for the positive aspects?

8. Even If You're "Ahead" In One Relationship, You'll Be "Behind" In Another

You have a sort of relationship with everyone in your life, so just imagine how tiring it would be to strive for victory in all of them. Besides being overwhelming, it's impractical and rather unhealthy to attempt such a feat.

9. He Can't Win

When you keep score, you position yourself at the top and your partner at the bottom, making it difficult for him to climb up and win your favor. It's hard to be won over by someone when you're so critical of them.

10. It's A Buffer For The Real Issues

Maybe the frustration you feel towards your partner for not initiating sex as frequently as you do is actually masking hurt and confusion that you're trying to avoid. If you confront your true thoughts and emotions, you won't have to keep score.

11. It's Sweating The Small Stuff

Do you really want to be preoccupied with the same insignificant, minor matters a year from now? Hopefully not.

12. Things Could Never Be Totally Even Anyway

You and your partner have different personalities and unique ways of navigating the world, so it's unlikely that you'll respond to situations in the same way. Anticipating that level of similarity is not only unproductive, but it's also slightly self-centered. After all, why would you desire to be with someone identical to you?

13. It's Setting Up The Relationship To Fail

If you're searching for negative aspects, you'll undoubtedly discover an abundance of them, straightforwardly.

14. It's Distracting

When spending time with someone you care about, it's ideal to minimize distractions and focus on enjoying their company, appreciating them for who they are, rather than attempting to alter them at every opportunity.

15. At Its Essence, It's A Game

The use of sports terminology reveals the nature of the behavior. Keeping score is appropriate for games where teams compete against each other, but it's not conducive to nurturing positive relationships.