Why Is My Ex-Boyfriend Asking Me Questions?

The aftermath of a breakup can be quite bewildering, as your emotions can be unstable, going from seeking solitude one moment to yearning for your ex the next.

Your ex-boyfriend's behavior can add to the unpredictability. He may behave abominably or continue to communicate with you as if nothing has changed.

When you're engaging in conversation, you may realize that your ex-boyfriend is frequently asking you questions. This can seem like he's intentionally prolonging the conversation or even grilling you.

So, what does it mean when your ex-boyfriend bombards you with inquiries? Read on and we'll explain all the possible scenarios.


The initial step is to identify the type of questions he is asking you, as there are questions that people ask when they still have an interest in someone and questions that people ask to be polite.

In this context, the most common types of questions he might ask are:

- Small-talk

- Personal

- Romantic

Small-Talk Questions

You may have encountered these types of questions before, they are the ones people usually ask when they meet you for the first time or during family gatherings.

This category encompasses questions like "how are you?" or "what are you up to?" and may even extend to mundane weather-related questions.

Ultimately, these are idle questions. Your ex may ask them either to keep the conversation going or simply because he doesn't know what else to say.

To determine which is the case, think about who initiated the conversation. If you reached out to him or ran into him in person, he's probably asking you polite questions.

Conversely, if he is the one who contacted you first, these types of questions are an easy way for him to initiate the conversation. He may use them to keep you talking to him.

Personal Questions

These questions are a step above the small-talk ones previously mentioned. Besides an inquisitive ex-boyfriend, you may hear close friends asking you similar inquiries.

This category encompasses questions such as "how are you feeling?" or "are you okay?" which tend to have an emotional aspect to them. You wouldn't expect a stranger to ask you these questions unless they were being intrusive.

When your ex asks you these kinds of questions, it's because he cares. You wouldn't ask someone about these things unless they matter to you.

The reason why he cares could be complex. He may still have feelings for you, or he may simply wish to remain friends with you.

Romantic Questions

When your former partner starts inquiring about your romantic life, it's a sign that they still harbor feelings for you. At the very least, it could be a case of jealousy, a common occurrence after a breakup.

But on the other hand, it could indicate that they still love you and want to know the status of your heart. They might ask about your current relationship, if you miss each other, or if you have fond memories of your time together.

These questions aim to provide them with insight into your feelings. They are trying to clarify the uncertainty between the two of you.


You are now aware of the types of questions they might ask. The next step is to determine whether you should respond to their inquiries.

Before making a decision, consider these steps to help you determine how to respond to your ex-boyfriend.

Decide If You Feel Ready To Talk To Him Again

One recommended step for recently separated couples is to observe a no-contact period. This means refraining from communication for a specified period after the breakup.

The no-contact period serves several purposes, with the primary goal being to allow both parties to heal.

For this reason, we suggest completing the no-contact period to the best of your ability. If the period has ended and your ex-boyfriend has started asking questions, you need to decide if you want to engage in conversation with them.

Have you had enough space and time to heal? Are you ready to talk to them again or do you need more time?

If you don't feel comfortable talking to them again, that's okay. You can inform them that you need more time and space, and take as long as you need.

If you're nervous about talking to them again, you can seek advice from Amy North's Text Chemistry course, which provides tips on texting techniques that men love.

Determine What Kind Of Relationship You Want With Him

When you are ready to talk to them, consider your desired outcome. Are you hoping to reconcile or just maintain a friendship?

Perhaps you only need to talk to them because you have children together and want to maintain a cordial relationship.

Understanding what you want to achieve will help you determine how to approach their questions.

Answer His Questions – But Keep In Mind Where You Want It To Go

When someone asks you a question and you don't respond, it can be perceived as rude.

There is no harm in answering your ex-boyfriend's questions, as it helps keep the conversation going.

However, while speaking with them, keep your goals in mind. If your objective is to reconcile, don't hesitate to answer any romantic questions in a friendly and light tone.

In order to maintain a cordial relationship or simply be friends, it's best to avoid engaging in flirtatious conversations. Direct the conversation away from any queries related to your romantic life and keep it light and manageable.

If he poses a question that makes you feel uncomfortable, let him know and simply explain that you're not comfortable answering it. Then, move on to a different topic.

Feeling overwhelmed? Politely inform him that you have an appointment or are occupied at the moment, and take a break from the mode of communication, be it your phone, computer, etc.

Ignore Him

If you don't want your ex to be a part of your life, it's completely understandable as there's likely a reason why he became your ex in the first place.

You don't have to entertain him just because he's reached out again. It's perfectly fine to make a clean break from him permanently.

If you're feeling up to it, you can let him know that you've moved on with your life, but if he was toxic or if you don't feel comfortable communicating with him, you're entitled to simply ignore him.

Although it may seem impolite, sometimes it's the best option for preserving your emotional well-being.