It’s something that I marvel at constantly – the appeal of the older woman.

It’s never so more intensely portrayed, or so sexually derivative, as when it’s demonstrated in the media. All the supposedly tasteful shots and gratuitous slow motion scenes of them running across the beach (Baywatch style) – they’re ‘high class entertainment’. Classy, I’m sure.

It’s basically drawing on all the pop-culture references to ‘Cougars’ and older women being more chill and experienced. The music video for Stacey’s Mom constantly attests to this. If you haven’t seen it already, go and find it now.

It belongs in the MET, frankly.

For it’s sheer impact upon the 13 year olds of the time. 

But yes, media constantly salivates over this seemingly unquenchable thirst for older women to satisfy younger men in a way that less mature women supposedly can’t. But is there some truth to it?

Well, maybe…

Perhaps, if I may be so bold, it’s the maternal drive. Some sort of dodgy Freudian dynamic is clearly at work, maybe not to the full Oedipal extent, but a sense of wish fulfilment. Maybe, a mummy fetish. God, those words should not be uttered in that order. Shudder. But we were all thinking it, so I have no regrets. 

Equally, maybe there’s a touch of validity in that.

Don’t we all (now bear with me please) to some extent fall in love with someone that reminds us of our parents? No one admits to it, and we all shudder at the thought, but think about it. Who else determined our early sense of right and wrong. Of safety and home. Of love above all else and in spite of everything? Our parents. Of course we seek those emotions that we associate with them in our later life.

Therefore, it stands to reason that we mentally pair those emotional responses with certain physical attributes. This is a good moment to step back and mentally compare your partners or ‘type’ with your parents. Sorry that I’ve opened this spiral trap door, but it had to be done. 

In fairness, we can’t blame this all on guys.

I’m sure us girls have got our fair share of daddy issues. Why else is the salt and pepper look so in this season, if not to reflect our ‘maturing’ tastes…

Okay, now that I’ve made everyone suitably uncomfortable, I can continue with my discourse on slightly more serious matters. 

I wonder that another reason we pursue partners older than us in such a fetish way isn’t because we feel behind. Or like we should be more mature than we are. It’s this constant pressure to align with an arbitrary, invisible social timeline that forces us to feel so much anxiety about where we are and who we’re with. We’re conditioned to feel like there’s a rush to get to certain stages in a relationship, or certain markers in our life.

Sometimes, that can be achieved by desiring older generations.

We associate them with having possibly achieved more, or lived their life – or being more able to provide support and wisdom that we need, at our different stages in life. Furthermore, we presume that they will have more experience and already made their mistakes, therefore we won’t be wasting our time, or making the same mistakes again.

Sometimes we’re correct, sometimes we’re wrong about this in ways we can’t even imagine. But that’s an article for another day… After I’ve had a glass of wine or three. 

Maybe it’s the wrinkles that gets us going.

Or some preternatural urge to desire the slightly weathered face or ailing physique. Maybe it’s just all the more impressive that they’re so fit at an older age. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, certainly, but maybe it’s something worth reflecting on.

So, to mix things up a bit, I raise one question to you guys. 

Does seeking an older partner implicitly mean that you are expecting a more committed, longer-term relationship?

Or, is it a stopper-fix relationship to simply ‘try something new’?