Many women have noticed that just when things are starting to get good with a guy, he pulls away.
Isn’t it just the single most frustrating phenomenon? Particularly when you can’t think of what brought about this change!
But, after years of research, here are some reasons to explain erratic patterns in behavior that are characteristic of men growing in more intimate relationships.
First of all, he might be uncomfortable and unused to wanting to spend time with you.
It may be that he hasn’t felt this way about a person before. Or, indeed, the real reason could be that he feels newly vulnerable and is striking out of fear.
He might feel suffocated
After all, haven’t we all been so in love that we surprise even ourselves? I certainly have, and it may be that all this emotional lark just surprises your chap a bit too.
It’s good to give him space to come to terms with things at his end. But also, make sure he knows you’re there to help him. If you abandon him, you will both feel bad.
Many people give up when a guy isn’t giving them attention, but you have to know your own worth!
That’s how you deepen the relationship and collaborate, rather than always working on one person or another.
Another option: one of his mates spooked him
This can be especially true of guys that aren’t used to serious relationships. Be patient with him.
Now, this always feels cruel because it’s a fact of life that we always risk. As a species, we are always more co-dependent than we would like to believe.
The truth is, we are all susceptible to other people’s opinions – he is no exception.
His friends are likely jealous of their end at the growing intimacy of your new relationship.
Not, of course, that they’d ever admit to anything
But it means that they too might be lashing out or eager to compromise their friends’ relationship. Maybe they’re worried that you’re taking up his time or won’t have as much time for his friends in a closer relationship.
But that’s not your problem to solve; that is between him and his friends.
There’s no need for you to interpolate yourself into his inner friendships in this way just yet. You definitely want to have a rich, full relationship with his friends – but at this point, it’s his responsibility to resolve these teething issues.
If a guy pulls away just when it’s getting good though, try not to take it too personally. It doesn’t mean he’s not emotionally available.
I know – that sounds stupid – but truthfully, we are all complex beings. We are often thinking about multiple things at once: we can’t read each others’ minds.
We are all the protagonists of our own stories, so there’s no way to know the inner workings of his mind. He might be stressed about work!
He could be worried about his sister’s new baby, or even thinking about the future and growing concerned about money.
It could well have nothing to do with you
In fact, despite what it might look like, you could be the thing keeping him sane. It’s often a sign of being comfortable with a person when you know when you can assert your boundaries and have some space without fearing the relationship.
Don’t panic just yet, essentially…
Just as women hate to be pinned down to one emotion, men don’t boil down to just one thing either.
Getting close with a person doesn’t mean that there won’t still be distance. Everyone needs space! If he’s scared, stay calm.
Yes, he could be a commitment-phobe running for the hills. But isn’t the world sucking enough at the moment.
I, for one, am happy to be thinking positively.
He may not even realize he’s doing it – communicate this, tell him if it bothers you. Establish your boundaries and work out how you can express your emotions in a natural, fulfilling way that is mindful of one another.
Guys are just as complex as girls, and much as we both like to wax on about how the other is an enigma and impossible to know, there are other options…
We can just ask why he pulls away after getting more intimate. Your relationship will be stronger by overcoming this distance.
If a change seems sudden, he could have just realized that he’s falling in love.
Is there anything scarier?
I know that means that the mystery might go, but truthfully the mystery is useless if you can’t connect to each other.
Don’t fear the worst if you can feel he’s pulling away at the early stages of the relationship. He might just need space; A lot of people do!