Okay, so all you unapologetic zodiac lovers out there that love to put stead in astrology and don’t really give a flying fig about the people (read: men) which love to hate and disparage it, I have just the article for you. Spoiler: it’s this one. This one, right here.

I know how it can be when we’re scouring what our star sign is in for in the next month and how we want to know that it looks like we’re in for a riotous old time.

(I also know how we dismiss the whole thing as trifle when it looks like a rocky week, but that’s neither here nor there, Gerald!).

Either way, I’m here to reinforce all of your pre-existing perceptions about which stars signs are the most salacious, the most seductive, the most sexy… okay, I’m out of alliterative sexy-speak, that’ll have to do.

But here we are chaps, the 5 zodiac signs most likely to be turning heads everywhere you go, and you probably don’t even realise you’re doing it!

LIBRA – September 23 – October 22

Right, I’m not going to lie, there is a slight bias here because I’m not going alphabetically or chronologically here, I’m just listing my birthday month in the top spot, because I deserve it! It’s true, those of us blessed to be born in the astral zone of early autumn are endowed with charm and witty and one liners for days. The guys will come for your looks (an unfortunate pun, my bad, but I don’t regret it) but they’ll stay for your humour and the saucy glint in your eye. A wink is your master-weapon, use it wisely.

ARIES – March 21 – April 19

These fire signs are exactly as they sound; burning bright with passion, intelligence and confidence in themselves – is there any more heady a combination than confidence in women? Didn’t think so. Cheerful and upbeat, Aries women will keep you on your toes and challenge you every step of the way. You can’t get enough of it.

TAURUS – April 20 – May 20

Unlike their fire sign counterparts, the rustic, grounded Earth sign likes of Taurus women will still have absolutely no problem felling all the men in their vicinity. There’s something about the fact that they are so assured in who they are, and so commensurately set in their ways that they (for better or worse) pose something of a challenge to some men who want to get to the bottom of what makes you tick. The enigma of all enigmas.

LEO – July 23 – August 22

Another fire sign, and they’re represented by a lion. What more needs to be said. Queen of the jungle, of that there is no doubt.

SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21

Okay, so we’ve all heard alllllll about the rogue entity that is a Scorpio. And to be honest, that’s probably half of the appeal. The sheer power and passion; the simple matter of a glance as you leave the club is enough to send men reeling, and don’t you know it. It’s something about the emotional intuition that convinces men that you are all they ever needed. Slay them.

You go, Glen Coco.