At least once, we all entertain the question "what if?" in regard to our ex-boyfriends.
If you had never broken up, where would you be now, and would you both be happy together?
Is it possible that you didn't put enough effort into working around the factor that ended your relationship? What if there was a possibility that you could have gotten over it?
Having questions about your ex is a natural feeling. Despite a traumatic breakup, it's still natural to miss him because you dated him for a reason and likely had good times together.
When you miss him so much that you feel tempted to text him again, what should you do?
Our aim with this post is to assist you in figuring out what to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him, and more.
THINK ABOUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR BREAKUP
Prior to texting your ex, it's crucial to pause and reflect on whether or not you should actually do so.
At this juncture, most people would likely shout "no!" in response, but let's delve deeper into the underlying factors that determine whether or not it's appropriate to reach out to him again.
Was it messy or was it smooth?
This pertains to the degree of emotional distress linked to your breakup. Was it a situation where the spark simply died down and you mutually decided to go your separate ways, or was it something more severe, such as discovering that he was unfaithful, resulting in a heated argument and a breakup?
If your breakup was more similar to the latter, it's crucial to consider if reaching out to him again is truly worthwhile. Engaging in "what if" contemplation won't alter the reality that your relationship ended painfully.
It's possible that you're merely seeing him through the rose-tinted lenses of nostalgia.
Here's a useful guideline: think about whether you would be willing to experience the same drama that transpired during your breakup once again. If your response is negative, then the same applies to whether or not you should reach out to him again.
Did it come from a mutual agreement?
Did you initiate the breakup, or did he? Alternatively, was it a mutual decision to end the relationship?
When he was the one who ended things, it's simpler to succumb to the notion that you should text him again. Perhaps you never wanted the breakup in the first place, and if it were up to you, you'd still be together.
However, this puts you at an immediate disadvantage since he was the one who chose to end the relationship. As a result, the likelihood of him not wanting to reconcile is greater.
If we consider the scenario where you ended the relationship instead, there's a higher chance that he may be more open to receiving your text message since he may not have wanted things to end. Therefore, we could say that by reversing the roles and imagining you as the one who initiated the breakup, the likelihood of him being receptive to your text message increases significantly.
In the case where the breakup was mutual, it's a bit uncertain whether reaching out would be a good idea. However, it could be reasonable for you to want to initiate contact in this scenario as well.
How long has it been since you last talked?
There is a significant distinction between timeframes ranging from weeks to months and even years. In some cases, it may be beneficial to establish a period of no-contact lasting a month or two to facilitate the healing process.
If it has only been a few months since your last communication with him, there is a greater likelihood that he is also thinking about you.
Conversely, if it has been several months since your last communication, there is a possibility that he has moved on, and he might even be involved with someone else.
In summary, the longer you have waited, the more advisable it is for you to avoid sending him another text.
What do you want to come out of this?
Lastly, but certainly not least, let's examine what your actual desires are in this situation.
It's important to be truthful with yourself. Do you genuinely desire to reconcile with him?
Alternatively, could you be searching for something else? For instance, it's possible that you miss the friendship that you shared with him prior to dating.
If that resonates with you, then attempting to reignite the friendship could be a worthwhile endeavor. Nonetheless, it's crucial to recognize that he may not reciprocate your sentiments, and he might opt not to respond to your outreach.
Perhaps you're feeling lonely in general and simply yearning for someone to communicate or flirt with again. If that's the case, it would be preferable for you to text your friends or contemplate reentering the dating scene if you haven't done so already.
WHAT TO TEXT YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND WHEN YOU MISS HIM
The no-strings-attached, easy checkup text
Even if your ultimate objective is to reconcile with your ex, it's not advisable to promptly express your undying love for him. Instead, it's better to proceed gradually, beginning with initiating a conversation.
As time progresses and you reestablish communication with him, you can gradually steer the conversation toward expressing how much you miss him. By gradually easing him in that direction, you can avoid scaring him off before you've had the opportunity to speak with each other again.
Another advantage of this approach is that it enables you to gauge whether you still have that conversational chemistry or if you were simply recalling him too nostalgically.
This approach is also adaptable. If you're simply seeking to reignite an old friendship, the non-romantic tone of this sort of text will not put him on high alert.
Example: "Hi, Josh. It's been some time since we last spoke. I just wanted to see how you're doing."
Let him know (indirectly) that he's on your mind
It's essential to proceed gradually. If you directly inform him that you want to reconcile, it might have a positive outcome, or he may choose to block you.
Take your time; there's no need to hurry. The advantage of this strategy is that it's subtle.
Identify something that you may have encountered that reminds you of him, such as a meme, video, website, or anything else you could send in a text. Then inform him about it.
It doesn't have to be something you discovered coincidentally. If you prefer to be ready, you can spend time looking for something.
Example: "Hey, Josh. I know it's been some time, but I recently finished reading this book, and it made me think of you. I believe you'd enjoy it."
When we're determined to ensure that we're on a guy's mind as much as he's on ours, we apply the suggestions in Amy North's Text Chemistry course. She even offers text templates to help you win your ex back.
Ask him for advice only he could give you
When you seek advice from someone, it's typically a flattering gesture. It shows that you value their expertise on a particular matter and trust them to provide you with the right answer.
When you follow someone's advice and then update them on the outcome, it shows that you value their opinion and that you are willing to act on it. It also provides an opportunity for the advisor to offer further insights or guidance.
Identify a topic your ex is knowledgeable about, and ask him for advice on how to handle a specific aspect of that topic. This is a great way to engage him in a conversation and make him feel valued for his expertise.
To pique his interest, start with a straightforward question, and once he responds, let him know what you actually need help with. It's best to focus on a topic your ex is knowledgeable about.
This strategy can be quite cunning. First, start with a simple question to pique his interest. Once he responds, then explain what you actually need help with. This will make him curious about your actual question, and he'll be flattered that you remembered something he's knowledgeable about and that you value his opinion.
Example: "Hello Josh, I was hoping to get your advice on something. I believe you're the best person to answer my question. Specifically, I'm attempting to replicate your delicious lasagna recipe, and I was wondering if you could help me with the noodle preparation. Could you please guide me on how to make the noodles?"
Make tentative plans with him
This approach is recommended when you have a good relationship with him. However, if your separation was tumultuous, it may be necessary to have further conversations before considering the idea of meeting him again.
In any case, the crucial point is to request to meet him in a relaxed and informal manner, without sounding like you are asking for a date.
Your aim is to create a comfortable environment that would encourage him to visit you. After meeting, you can assess where to go from there based on how you both feel. It's best to choose a meeting spot that isn't known for its romantic ambiance in your community.
Opting for a quick coffee is an example of a low-pressure activity that you can do together, unlike going to an upscale restaurant for dinner, which may feel too formal or intimidating.
Another strategy is to suggest meeting halfway so that he can join if he's willing to. Instead of specifying a particular date or time, use general terms such as "sometime" and see if he offers a suggestion or asks for clarification.
Example: "Hello, it's been a while since we last spoke, but I was wondering if you'd be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee sometime. I'd love to catch up and chat with you a bit."
Just don't text him at all
At times, we all ponder about the current status of our former partners. It's common to entertain thoughts of "what if", imagining alternative scenarios with them, but it's important to remember that these fantasies don't have to materialize into actuality.
All kinds of relationships come to an end - both positive and negative ones. Despite our reluctance to acknowledge it, it's often for the better.
If you find yourself yearning for your ex, it could simply be a case of feeling a bit lonely and longing for the notion of him, rather than his actual presence. This is particularly accurate if your split was turbulent.
If your ex-partner was unfaithful or treated you poorly, or even if the opposite was true, it's likely better to leave the relationship in the past and move on. If destiny dictates that you're meant to reconcile with him, it will happen organically without the need for coercion.