The inclusion of the word "break" in both "heartbreak" and "breakup" speaks to the fact that these are experiences that can be emotionally devastating and leave one feeling shattered.
What makes these situations even more challenging is that they often occur simultaneously. It is therefore understandable that during the process of a breakup, one might not be able to fully articulate their thoughts and feelings towards their former partner.
However, after some time has passed and one has had a chance to heal, they might reflect and realize there were additional things they wanted to express. The question then becomes, how can these thoughts and feelings be communicated after the breakup has been finalized?
It can be a difficult task, but we will provide guidance on how to communicate with your former partner through text after a breakup.
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN
The approach you take in your next interaction with your ex-boyfriend will primarily depend on your desired outcome from the communication, regardless of the nature of the breakup.
For example, if your goal is to simply maintain a friendship or to cut ties entirely, sending a romantic message would not align with those objectives.
Let us examine the various potential outcomes:
Consider This if You Want to Get Back Together…
If your aim is to revive the relationship, your journey will likely be more complex.
You must proceed with caution in your choice of words. The process will be somewhat similar to starting a new relationship, as every statement you make could potentially push your ex-boyfriend away or overwhelm him.
However, the situation is compounded by the fact that you now have deeper emotions towards him, making it more challenging to maintain your composure.
Our recommendation would be to take the time to calm down and collect your thoughts before sending a text. Reflect on your desire to rekindle the relationship and carefully consider the advantages and disadvantages of your past relationship.
After careful contemplation, make contact with him. Depending on the circumstances surrounding the breakup, an apology may be necessary, whether it was a mutual decision, initiated by you, or by him.
If feasible, gauge his interest in having a face-to-face discussion to further the conversation.
If you're seeking assistance in rekindling your relationship, relationship coach Amy North's Text Chemistry Course might be of help. It includes text message templates and strategies specifically designed to make your ex-boyfriend yearn for you once more.
When You Want to Stay Friends…
Establishing a friendship or rekindling a previous one with your ex-boyfriend after a breakup can also pose significant challenges.
Your ex-boyfriend will need to overcome his romantic feelings towards you before he can move forward as just friends. There is a possibility that he may never fully overcome these emotions, making it difficult for him to be as close to you as he once was.
A crucial component of your approach should be allowing him and yourself time and space to process your emotions. Both of you require time to heal.
The duration of time he needs may vary, so a specific timeline cannot be provided. However, you can assess his state of mind after the breakup by reaching out to him.
When he appears more willing to engage in communication with you, be straightforward about your intention of maintaining a friendship. Be cautious to steer clear of any romantic discussions that may give him false hope of rekindling the relationship.
Think about this if you don't want to talk to him anymore…
Choosing to completely eliminate him from your life may be a straightforward option, especially if he displayed toxic behavior during your relationship. This is a strongly recommended course of action.
Alternatively, you may choose to cease all communication with him because you have no intention of rekindling the relationship and do not envision a friendship in the future. This decision is completely acceptable.
The simplest method to maintain distance is to abstain from texting him altogether. If you do choose to engage in communication, strive to maintain a neutral tone.
It is not productive to expend energy on yelling at him. Instead, extend well wishes and move forward, possibly blocking him if necessary.
WHAT TO TEXT YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND AFTER A BREAKUP
Check on how he's doing
Most of the time, breakups can be challenging for both parties involved. Even if the split was amicable and devoid of conflict, it's normal to experience sadness and grief over the end of the relationship.
If you still have feelings for him (regardless of your desire to rekindle the relationship) and the breakup was relatively calm, there is no reason why you shouldn't inquire about his well-being.
You do not have to have any specific motive in mind when sending this text. If your sole purpose is to ensure his well-being, this would be the appropriate message to send.
Of course, it could also serve as a means of initiating a conversation, particularly for those who are interested in rekindling the romantic relationship. The timing of the text can vary, either sent soon after the breakup or after some time has passed, depending on how it is worded.
"Hello his name. I wanted to express my gratitude for our conversation yesterday, I believe it was necessary. How are you doing today?"
"Hello his name. I realize it has been a while since we last spoke, but I wanted to reach out and inquire about your well-being."
Ask him to meet with you
If your aim is to reconcile, it is unlikely that it can be achieved solely through texting. In this case, it would be beneficial to arrange an in-person meeting for a few reasons: to confirm that the attraction still exists (if a significant amount of time has passed since the breakup), to observe his reaction to you, and to have a more personal and nuanced conversation.
What steps can you take to make this happen? You can send a text requesting to meet up with him again.
As for the actual in-person encounter, it is recommended to choose a venue that is not overly formal or intimate, such as a casual restaurant, bar, or coffee shop.
Additionally, provide him with some leeway by not setting a definite date in your text. Simply mention "sometime". This allows him to consider his desire to meet and select a convenient time that aligns with his schedule.
"Hello his name. I understand that it's been a while since we last spoke, however, I was wondering if you'd be interested in joining me for lunch at some point."
Send him a message asking him to call you
There are certain discussions that cannot be effectively communicated through text messages, despite our reliance on this form of communication.
For instance, flooding a text message with emojis is not an effective way of conveying the sensitivity of a message when trying to rekindle a relationship. This approach can instead give the impression of insincerity.
However, relying solely on text messages can lead to misinterpretation of the tone of your message. To avoid this, consider finding a middle ground by sending a text asking him to call you when he has the opportunity. This allows for a more nuanced and personal form of communication.
When he calls you, he will be able to detect the sincerity in your voice, making it easier to apologize or discuss the potential of rekindling the relationship.
"Hi his name, I would like to have a conversation with you. Can you call me at your convenience?"
Apologize to him
It is common for individuals to make mistakes, particularly during breakups. You might have responded emotionally and shouted at him or expressed regretful comments. In some cases, the breakup could be a result of your own actions, such as betraying his trust or mistreating him in some way.
In these situations, a genuine apology is necessary, and it can bring a sense of relief once delivered. While it is ideal to apologize in person or over the phone, if the recipient is unresponsive or unwilling to meet, then sending a text apology may be the only option.
When you send the apology via text, keep it concise and heartfelt. Avoid lengthy rambling, as it may discourage him from reading the entire message. Show your sincerity in the briefest form possible.
"Hey his name. I wanted to reach out and apologize for my behavior during our conversation yesterday. I was emotional and wasn't thinking straight. I am deeply sorry."
"Hi his name. I want to apologize for any hurt I may have caused. I'd love to discuss it further with you when you're ready."
Don't text him at all/wait and see
This approach can be divided into two options: either letting go and moving on, or waiting and observing if he will initiate contact first.
For the first approach, not texting him can clearly convey that you have moved on and are no longer interested in continuing the conversation. However, if you're unsure of his feelings and intentions, it may be better to take a more cautious approach and wait for him to initiate contact again.
This approach is multifaceted, as it could mean different things based on the situation of your breakup. If you don't text him back, it may convey the message that you have lost interest in communicating further. On the other hand, if the breakup was particularly tumultuous, it may be best to exercise caution and wait for him to make the next move. In this scenario, giving him space to process his emotions could be the best approach.
If you're hoping to rekindle your relationship, but prefer not to initiate contact, you could choose to wait for a designated period, such as a week or more, and then send a message if he hasn't reached out to you by that time.
WHAT TO AVOID TEXTING HIM AFTER A BREAKUP
Begging him to get back together with you
Avoid sending pleading texts if you hope to get back together with your ex. These messages may give the impression that you are not self-sufficient and may be susceptible to being taken advantage of. Such messages will not evoke attraction in your ex.
No matter how much you yearn for his return, avoid pleading. Rekindling the relationship will require patience, and maintaining your composure throughout the process will only increase your allure.
Trying to hurt him by insulting him or cursing at him
During a breakup, it's common to feel the urge to seek revenge. The more tumultuous the breakup, the stronger this urge can become.
We must be truthful: causing him pain might temporarily provide you with a sense of relief.
However, soon after, feelings of guilt and embarrassment may arise when you understand that your actions only portrayed you as foolish.
Even if you have no desire to communicate with him again, avoid causing him harm. It's akin to lying in the mud on a hot day - you may experience a momentary sense of relief, but when you stand up, you'll find that you are covered in dirt.
It is definitely not a desirable outcome for you.
Texting him multiple times in a row
You may believe that you must grab his attention if he's not immediately responding to you.
And the first solution that springs to mind is likely to text him repeatedly.
It's possible that he may have missed the first four texts, correct?
Wrong. Trust us, he is aware of each and every text message you are sending, and no matter how many additional messages you send in an attempt to clarify, they will not persuade him to engage in communication with you.
If he's not answering your messages at this point, he requires time and space. Take a step back and grant it to him. He will appreciate your consideration of his needs.
If he is not responding to your messages at the moment, he needs some space and time. Give him this by stepping back and he will appreciate your understanding of his requirements.
Rambling or ranting at him
This is related to the issue of continuously texting him, but it can also occur independently.
For instance, you may have the urge to express your emotions to him in a single message, so you write a lengthy and poetic text about all of your feelings that goes on for multiple pages.
Unfortunately, this approach is not advantageous to you, regardless of how well-written or emotionally impactful your message may be. Phone screens are small, and most individuals do not have the time or willingness to read through a text that extends for several pages.
Furthermore, if you have so much to express to him, it's recommended that you do so in person or at least over the phone. This way, he can perceive the authenticity in your voice as you express your emotions to him.
LEARN TO TEXT IN A WAY THAT KEEPS THE RELATIONSHIP ALIVE
Despite our best efforts, some relationships simply deteriorate. You may experience more frequent arguments, spend less time together, avoid each other when in each other's presence, or feel indifferent towards one another.
Not all breakups can be averted without assistance, however, with proper guidance, you can maintain the passion in your relationship.
Where can you find the support you require? We personally prefer to seek out professionals, such as relationship coach Amy North.
Her "Text Chemistry Course" was developed to reignite the spark in any relationship, all through the use of text messages.