What To Text A Guy First Without Seeming Desperate

Do you want to learn about one of the biggest dating mistakes you can make?

Desperation is one of the biggest turn-offs in dating. Appearing too needy or desperate can push a guy away quickly.

This is because being desperate and clingy suggests that you might try to control his life and restrict his freedom.

When a guy observes such behavior, he envisions losing his independence and dreads the thought of having to spend all his time with you, either in person or through communication.

Even if you are deeply in love with someone, it is not a healthy way to live your life.

The issue is that you might be unknowingly projecting desperation. Our aim is to assist you in fixing that today.

We'll demonstrate how you can initiate the conversation with him first, without appearing desperate.


To avoid something, you must first identify and understand what it is. Without a clear description, being warned to stay away from something is insufficient to prevent you from encountering it.

Therefore, let's examine the typical errors that women commit that lead them into the realm of desperation.

Texting Him Too Often

Therefore, let's examine the typical errors that women commit that lead them into the realm of desperation.

As human beings, we tend to desire as much as possible of what we enjoy.

Excessive consumption of anything can cause it to lose its appeal rapidly. Consider the times when you were a child and ate too much candy or when you finally became old enough to drink and overdid it - those experiences might have ruined those things for you.

When you text your man constantly throughout the day, he may feel overwhelmed and delay responding to your messages.

Pace yourself by saving some conversation topics for when you see him in person. By doing so, you'll give him just enough of a taste to leave him wanting more, without overwhelming him.

Answering Him the Instant He Texts You

Upon receiving a text from him, the urge to quickly respond will likely arise.

Try to resist this impulse because it can give him the impression that you are always available for him, regardless of what else you may have going on.

In addition to giving the impression that you are always waiting for his texts, it may also lead him to believe that he can consistently expect an immediate response from you.

Regardless of your intentions, sending these messages to him can be detrimental to your relationship.

What actions should you take instead?

Take a pause before responding to him. The length of time can range from a few minutes to a couple of hours.

If you're engaged in a complex conversation or he asks for time-sensitive information, it's acceptable to respond promptly. However, we suggest avoiding the pattern of immediately responding every time.

Getting Too Emotional/Romantic Too Fast

Flirting and teasing are excellent options that we highly recommend. They demonstrate your interest in him without getting overly romantic too quickly.

On the other hand, it's not recommended to confess your feelings or send him lengthy emotional texts.

It's normal to want to express your feelings to someone you have a crush on, and you may be curious about his reciprocation.

However, making a significant confession to him can appear as though you are attempting to pressure him into an immediate relationship.

In your initial texts to him, try to keep things light. Display your lighthearted side by flirting and making jokes.

After establishing a strong connection, you can gradually transition into more profound conversations.

Sending Him a String of Texts

Another common mistake is sending multiple consecutive texts to the guy, assuming that if he didn't respond to the first one, sending more will grab his attention and make him reply.

However, this approach can make you appear childish and desperate for attention, which is unflattering. Although it may be endearing when a child does it, it's not the same for adults.

If he doesn't respond, he is most likely preoccupied. Respect his need for space, and he will reply to you when he's able.

Asking Him Why He's Not Answering

Here are a few examples of responses we've seen when a guy doesn't respond: "Hello?" or "Are you still there?"

Do you understand what messages such texts convey about you?

These texts suggest to your guy that you are impatient, demanding, and needy. If he didn't respond to your previous text, and it wasn't time-sensitive, there's no need for you to demand a response from him.

Keep in mind that he may not be constantly checking his phone as he might be occupied with work-related tasks, engaged in a conversation with a family member, or attending to other matters.

Allow him to respond to you at his own convenience. By showing respect for his personal space, you will be perceived as a self-sufficient woman with a life beyond the relationship, which he will likely appreciate.

Texting Him Right After Seeing Him

It's completely natural to desire frequent communication with someone you're fond of. It's understandable to feel like you can't get enough of their company. However, it's essential to have breathing room, particularly during the initial stages of a relationship.

Avoid bombarding him with texts immediately after seeing him. Allow him some time to reflect on the time you spent together and start longing for your company on his own.

After a suitable amount of time has elapsed, which could be a few hours or a day, you can reach out to him. Alternatively, you could wait for him to initiate contact first if you want to assess his level of interest.


Hit his inbox with a cool check-in

Initially, this option may appear dull. If you're seeking advice on how to text a guy, you likely want something thrilling, distinctive, or unconventional.

However, hear us out: these uncomplicated, routine texts to check in can be exceptional due to their casual tone. Sending such texts sporadically doesn't make you appear desperate in any way.

In reality, he may start to wonder why you're not openly fawning over him with each text message. The relaxed nature of these messages could pique his interest, causing him to ponder what he must do to elicit a more enthusiastic response from you.

An added advantage is that when you pose a question, he's more likely to respond. If he does, he'll likely provide you with a topic to keep the conversation flowing.

Examples of such messages include: "Hey, how's it going?" or "How are you doing?" or "What are you up to today?"

Let him know you're thinking of him…indirectly

You are likely reading articles like this because you genuinely like this guy. When you begin developing feelings for someone, it's entirely natural to think about them incessantly.

In fact, the more you like him, the stronger the urge to share those emotions and hope he reciprocates. However, confessing your feelings too soon may come across as needy or desperate.

Nevertheless, that does not imply there are no alternative ways to communicate that he's always on your mind.

If you come across any videos, memes, pictures, or songs that bring him to mind, don't hesitate to share them with him. You can casually play it off as if you stumbled upon these things, even if you actually saved them to send him later. (Don't worry; your secret is safe with us!)

Here are some examples: "I stumbled upon this meme today, and it instantly reminded me of you!" or "I heard this song on my way to work today, and I think you'd enjoy it."

Ask him for his opinion

One thing that can make anyone feel good is knowing that their input is appreciated.

Consider this: when someone seeks your advice on a matter, and then they proceed to act on it, you feel valued. This indicates that your thoughts and suggestions are essential.

This technique is excellent for contacting a guy without appearing desperate since you're not blatantly flirting, clinging, or coming across as needy. Furthermore, it shows that you value his input and opinion.

Instead, you're conveying to him that you appreciate his perspective and guidance. It's a subtle way to boost his confidence a bit.

Avoid asking him a question that is too serious, such as whether or not you should quit your job, but also avoid asking him a question that is too mundane, like what to wear for the day. Instead, aim for a light and enjoyable middle ground that he can relate to, such as asking for his recommendation on what show to watch or which artist to listen to next.

As a bonus, after you take his suggestion, you'll have even more to talk about with him. You can share your thoughts on his recommendation and continue the conversation from there.

Examples: "Just finished the latest season of my favorite show. Any recommendations on what to watch next?" or "I'm in the mood for some new music. Any suggestions on what to listen to?"

Ask him a fun question

You've likely encountered those tedious conversation cliches countless times: the predictable inquiries about your well-being, current activities, and other topics that induce a sense of ennui and disinterest.

While it's accurate to say that inquiring about such things usually won't come across as desperate, it's equally true that these questions are often unremarkable and lackluster. As a result, we usually suggest utilizing them solely as conversation starters.

If you're looking to initiate a conversation and also showcase your distinctive personality, why not try posing a witty question that's unlikely to have been asked before?

If you're uncertain about what to ask him, you could refer to our guide on conversational topics for texting a guy, or peruse the various compilations available online featuring intriguing questions to pose to a guy. Initiating a dialogue with a question like this will pique his interest and promptly draw him into the conversation.

Here are a couple of examples: "What is the most peculiar food you have ever tasted?" or "When it comes to your ideal pizza, what toppings do you go for?"

Don't be afraid to flirt with your guy

We have emphasized the importance of not becoming overly emotional with him too quickly, as it could potentially push him away. Nevertheless, this does not imply that you must completely refrain from flirting with him when initiating a text conversation.

It means that you should ensure your initial flirtatious text strikes a balance between being lighthearted, playful, and flirtatious, without appearing too desperate for his attention.

No need to fret, it may sound challenging, but it's actually quite straightforward. For now, steer clear of discussing your innermost emotions and add in a few winking or smiling emojis to convey a light and cheerful tone.

Here's an example: "Your handsome face has been on my mind. Can you send me a picture to refresh my memory? :)"

If you're looking to enhance your flirting skills, there are a variety of resources available to provide you with guidance. Amy North's Text Chemistry Course is an excellent program that is jam-packed with helpful information to help any woman refine her flirting abilities.

Follow up on a conversation you've had before

It's a situation that everyone has experienced at some point: you've come up with the ideal remark for a particular conversation and are eagerly awaiting the chance to deliver it... but then the topic inevitably shifts, and you must abandon your brilliant comment in order to stay on track with the discussion.

If you've come up with something new to add to the conversation and are searching for a way to initiate a new text exchange, why not revisit a previous discussion? Perhaps he also had a thought that he forgot to mention or wasn't able to bring up at the time.

Here's an example: "Hey, do you remember when we were discussing that song the other day? I finally got a chance to listen to it, and I must say, you were right - it's amazing!"