After ending your romantic relationship, you've referred to your former boyfriend as your "ex."
Despite overwhelming pressure from everything and everyone around you to move on, you feel the desire to continue conversing with him.
There could be numerous reasons why you're inclined towards this choice. It could be due to missing your past conversations, the possibility of maintaining a friendship, having a child together, or even visualizing a future reunion with your ex-partner.
No matter the reasons behind your decision, you find yourself in the act of texting him at present and feeling uncertain about what message to convey.
If you can relate to any of the above, you have come to the right place. In this page, we will explore topics that you can discuss with your ex-boyfriend over text and provide answers to other related queries.
Please scroll down this page, and we will delve into the topic for you.
ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS FOR YOURSELF
The reason why most people advise you to let go of your ex is that many relationships conclude in a chaotic manner. Thus, holding onto your ex can potentially be unhealthy.
Nonetheless, it's entirely possible to engage in a healthy conversation with your ex-partner. However, before you proceed, it's vital to introspect and address questions similar to these:
Should you be texting him in the first place?
We understand that it may seem like we are contradicting our previous statement about maintaining communication with your ex. However, we assure you that this is an important query to reflect upon, as the answer is not always affirmative.
Therefore, the question arises: should you even text him in the first place?
The answer to this question depends on various factors. If the relationship was unhealthy and toxic, the breakup was tumultuous, you're not at ease with the idea, or either one of you (or both) is unable to move on, then the answer would be no.
On the other hand, if you're considering the prospect of rekindling your romantic relationship, cultivating a friendship after the breakup, or you have to communicate due to having a child together, then there are plenty of reasons to keep texting him.
What is the relationship between you and your ex like?
After deciding that you should continue the conversation, the next step is to contemplate how to approach the conversation. The approach would depend on the current status of your relationship.
During the immediate aftermath of the breakup, when both of you may be highly sensitive, it's recommended to avoid any romantic topics. It's crucial to refrain from flirting or playing any mind games during this time.
If your decision is to try and maintain a friendship, then it's essential to be considerate of his emotions. It may be wise to avoid discussing your romantic lives for some time so that both of you can focus on healing.
Alternatively, if you're trying to reconcile and date each other again, it's advisable to take things gradually. Your discussions should delve into what aspects need to be altered, and what boundaries should be established to ensure the relationship thrives if given a second chance.
What, if anything, are you expecting from these texts?
To rephrase the question, what is your reason or motivation for texting your ex-boyfriend?
It's crucial to be completely truthful with yourself. Providing an honest answer will guide you in determining the approach to take regarding your texting strategy moving forward.
Are you intending to make him envious? Are you tending to a small flame of hope that you will reignite the love between you two?
Alternatively, are your motivations entirely non-romantic, such as attempting to establish a friendship with him?
Once you've determined your goals for these conversations, you'll have a better understanding of how to continue communicating with him.
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND OVER TEXT
Breakup topics that didn't get covered during the breakup
We've all experienced this before: we become engrossed in a conversation and think of something crucial to say. We anticipate an opportunity to share it, only to miss the perfect moment.
We make a mental note to mention it at a more opportune moment, only to forget about it altogether.
Breakup discussions are no different. Since emotions run high, it's likely that you'll leave the conversation without addressing everything that's important to you.
Texting can provide you with the opportunity to bring up the things that you weren't able to discuss during your breakup conversation. It can be a suitable means of communication, especially if you're unlikely to see your ex again in person or you feel uncomfortable bringing up certain topics face-to-face.
We acknowledge that having these important conversations in person or over the phone is preferable. However, sometimes it may not be feasible or practical, and texting may be the only available option. In those cases, it's important to approach the conversation with thoughtfulness and clarity to avoid any misunderstandings.
Future discussions or meetups
If you're both willing, discussing the possibility of meeting in person again could be a topic worth exploring.
Face-to-face interactions are often optimal for productive discussions because a significant portion of our communication is conveyed through nonverbal cues such as body language and tone, which are absent in written text.
When discussing the possibility of meeting again, there's no need to imply a romantic context unless that's what you intend.
Having a brief lunch or coffee together are two neutral activities that can be pursued irrespective of any desire to mend the relationship.
Interested in reading our comprehensive guide on texting guys?
Quick check-ins
Although beginning with small talk about how you're both doing may seem unexciting, it can be a good starting point if you're unsure of where else to begin. There's no harm in doing so.
Inquiring about his emotions or activities by asking "how are you feeling?" or "what are you up to?" is an incredibly simple and effective method to initiate a conversation.
These types of questions are typically well-received and may make him feel at ease, increasing the likelihood of a response. Once the conversation is flowing more naturally, you can transition to any topic you desire.
Until you have a better understanding of his perspective, there's no need to feel self-conscious about keeping the conversation simple and straightforward.
Reminisce about your relationship highlights
Before proceeding, it's important to note that while discussing what you miss about the relationship can be enjoyable, it's only recommended under certain circumstances. If either of you is still struggling with the aftermath of the breakup, it might be best to avoid this approach for now. Taking some more time to heal might be necessary before revisiting such topics.
Assuming you and your ex-partner are in a better emotional and mental state, reminiscing about happy memories can be a healthy exercise. Engaging in conversation can be therapeutic and aid in the healing process, so taking a virtual trip down memory lane may provide similar benefits.
If your goal is to reconcile with your ex-partner, discussing the positive aspects of your relationship can be a beneficial approach. This can help him recognize what he may be missing and potentially increase his interest in getting back together.
Reviving the passion you once had with your ex through text can be quite challenging, but it's not impossible. In fact, renowned relationship expert Amy North has developed a comprehensive program aimed at enhancing your texting skills and helping you reignite the spark in your relationship.
The program is known as "Text Chemistry," and it has assisted countless women worldwide in capturing the affection of their desired partners.
Learn from your mistakes together
Once again, if either of you is still sensitive about the breakup, it's best to avoid this topic for the time being. However, if you've both made progress and have a cordial relationship, it may be beneficial to reflect on what caused the breakup.
This is particularly important if you're considering reconciling with your ex-partner. It's essential to understand precisely why the breakup occurred to avoid a recurrence of the same issues in the future.
Even if you're not considering getting back together, the insights gained from understanding the causes of the breakup can be valuable for personal growth and in future relationships.
Discussing the reasons for the breakup may reveal some actions on your part that contributed to it, which you may not have previously realized. This conversation can help you acknowledge any mistakes made and take the first step towards personal growth and improvement.
Perhaps your ex-partner may seek your perspective during the conversation. This is an opportunity to express your thoughts and be frank with him about any mistakes he may have made.
Soliciting feedback is a regular practice after unsuccessful job interviews, and it's an approach that could benefit personal relationships as well. By using feedback to learn and grow together, you can enhance your relationship with your ex-partner.
The future of your relationship with each other
No, this doesn't necessarily entail discussing the potential of rekindling your relationship, although it could be an option if it feels appropriate for both parties. However, it can also be a more general topic of discussion.
If you haven't already talked about it, determining what roles you'll play in each other's lives moving forward is crucial.
It could be as straightforward as expressing to him that you're not at ease with him being in your life or that you require some space. Alternatively, it could be more challenging, such as requesting him to remain friends with you in the future.
And certainly, you could inquire about the possibility of reconciling with him, but it should be approached gradually - you cannot usually expect it to happen immediately, at least not in a healthy way.
Set your boundaries
If you both agree to continue being a part of each other's lives, it's essential to establish what kind of boundaries you'll have.
Could you please provide me with a sentence to rewrite? I'm happy to help!
This is a crucial opportunity for both of you to express your needs and boundaries, and to find a way to move forward that works for everyone involved.
Establishing boundaries is important in all types of relationships, be it romantic, platonic, familial, or professional. The boundaries that were applicable when you were together will likely not be the same ones you'll need after a breakup.
You will need to have a conversation about these boundaries so that both of you can understand how to navigate this new chapter of your lives while being apart but still in contact with each other.
Your shared interests
There were likely several factors that brought you and your ex-partner together in the first place, and one of them was probably a shared interest or hobby. Whether it was sports, reading, music, art, video games, or something else entirely, finding common ground in your hobbies and lifestyle choices was likely a big part of what made your relationship work.
If you and your ex are still communicating after the breakup, and you want to keep the conversation going, your shared interests are a great place to start.
If you're looking for a way to start a conversation with your ex after a breakup, a good idea is to use your shared interests as a starting point. For example, if you both like a particular sports team, you could ask him about his thoughts on the latest game. Or, if you both enjoy a particular artist, you could ask for his opinion on their latest album.
These are simple and comfortable topics to discuss that don't require the subtleties of in-person communication to be effective. Moreover, it will serve as a reminder of the things you both enjoy, making future conversations feel more effortless.
