Romance

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?
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Is he cheating? Is she faithful? Does a relationship plagued by infidelity still have a chance? Yes, but not always.

Still, such relationships survive more often than affected couples suspect. Here is what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else.

Partner Cheats: What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else?

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Loyalty is very important for a relationship. Most couples define their relationship as monogamous and exclusive, which means that sexual contact, an affair, or an outside relationship is taboo. The desire to be the partner's priority sexually is deeply rooted in the requirements of love.

However, this does not mean that this requirement will also be implemented or complied with. Wish and reality are far apart when it comes to loyalty. For almost all couples, this means that they have to deal with infidelity, cheating, or even an affair at least once in their relationship life. And that is when you find yourself in a situation of thinking about what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else.

In couples counseling, this is called a nice and neutral "external relationship". This makes it clear: It is not part of "we" that forms a couple. There are undoubtedly polyamorous relationship models, but they are not the topic here.

Is He/She Cheating On Me?

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Let's assume that almost every couple is confronted with such external relationships at least once. It makes sense to consider how partners also react and what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else.

Infidelity and cheating in a partnership mean a loss of trust. Without trust, a relationship is meaningless. The core of every love relationship is being able to rely on each other.

Some couples lose trust in each other because they no longer appreciate each other. An outside relationship deprives the betrayed partner of the basis of their feelings - and replaces them with shock, anger, resentment and also self-doubt, and feelings of guilt. The result is jealousy and distrust toward your partner and yourself.

You're likely to question yourself in the process of contemplating what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else. "Can I ever trust again?" is a question that does not have an easy answer. "Can I ever trust myself again? Can I be sure the next time I realize something is wrong, that I'm being cheated and lied to?"

These are even harder questions because they don't just concern this one relationship and this one unfaithful partner. They are aimed at the person you would take with you into the next relationship: yourself.

Before telling you what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else, we will tell you 6 things you should not do.

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1. You Should Not Ignore The Incident

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Even if it hurts less if you simply ignore the incident: you will not find a solution like this. And for self-esteem reasons alone, you should confront your partner about it. After all, they shouldn't think you wouldn't notice. If you are struggling with what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else, you should first go talk to them.

On the other hand, an open discussion is important to solve the actual problem. Because even if they drank too much and the colleague is incredibly attractive - if everything was fine in the relationship, they might have acted differently.

2. Do Not Blame Yourself

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

You should never blame yourself for being cheated on. Because even if it is the case that your partner is no longer happy in the relationship - it would not be up to you alone to notice this.

If your partner is missing something, it would also be up to them to approach you and find a solution. Even if you noticed signs that your partner is sleeping with someone else but chose to keep trusting them anyway, don't blame yourself.

3. Do Not "Return The Favor"

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Even if the temptation is great and the anger immense: if you do the same, you're wasting any chance that the relationship might still have despite the betrayal. So don't break their car, nor should you dare to have a fling with the next best prospect.

If you want to give each other another chance as a couple, after deciding what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else, you will cause enormous damage. You also make yourself so incredibly small. Because let's be honest: you don't need such a tit-for-tat.

4. Avoid Constantly Blame Them For Cheating

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Just as you shouldn't just throw the cloak of silence over the incident, it's also unwise to keep bringing up the fling when you're fighting. Clarify the breach of trust once and in detail.

If you find that you cannot do this, this is your sign on what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else. You should end the relationship.

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5. Realize You Cannot Forget Everything Quickly

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Cheating is immensely hurtful, and it's never easy to forget. Nevertheless, you should give yourself enough time to think about what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else. Think about how you want and can deal with it, how you assess the future of the relationship, and, above all, whether you can ever trust your partner again.

If your partner is tired of you being lost in your thoughts and not being the way you were before the incident, make it clear to them that the condition is their fault. If they don't have any understanding or patience for this, then this will cause problems in your relationship.

6. Do Not Shy Away From Professional Help

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

For many people, the idea of ​​venting intimate problems in front of a stranger is terrifying. But a psychotherapeutic consultation can help to mend the wounds that have arisen and, above all, help ensure that you communicate better with one another in the future.

This allows problems to be addressed and resolved early before the next violation is committed. If you are confused about what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else, you can seek out professional help.

Advice For Cheated Women And Men

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Most unfaithful partners have a bad conscience. They know that their partner is questioning the entire relationship. In this situation, you would also be wondering what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else. That shouldn't be downplayed.

But first I would like to focus on the victim. The most important advice for women and men who have been cheated on is to maintain their self-worth.

Many say: "If a partner cheats, something didn't go right in the relationship, if only because the partners didn't talk and negotiate about their wishes, so there is no question of guilt in the case of infidelity. Somewhere the team failed."

In many cases this is correct, but primarily the unfaithful partner has decided against the relationship, against the agreement, and thus against the partner. The reasons for this may be understandable in retrospect, but the unfaithful partner is initially the perpetrator and the betrayed partner is the victim.

This distinction is so important because, in counseling, betrayed partners repeatedly take the blame and refer to themselves. Instead of focusing on what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else, they search for all the mistakes they have made.

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This is often due to shock, deep hurt, and a desire to continue the relationship. Also, the loss of trust doesn't seem so difficult if you blame yourself at least partially. But what also happens is that self-esteem suffers. In the worst-case scenario, the betrayed partner might feel that the betrayal was justified.

If only she hadn't always rejected him. If he hadn't criticized her over and over again. There's no question that working through a fling and turning an affair into a chance for a new start requires a reflective, also self-critical view, but one step at a time. And the first should be immediate consequences.

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

Most couples distinguish between a one-time fling and a long-lasting affair. They find it much easier to forgive a slip of the tongue than cheating that is planned and executed.

The first thing in what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else is to talk openly with the partner. The partner who cheats has to make a decision. Do they want to continue the external relationship or the partnership?

Likewise, the betrayed partner must decide whether they want to give their partnership another chance. The partners need time and distance for this. A physical distance is therefore always advisable. It can be useful to define a period of time, which can be part of couple counseling, for example.

When it comes to the question of who is moving out, it should typically be the partner who betrayed. As the partner with an external relationship has initiated a change, it is now up to them to get an idea of ​​the forthcoming changes.

This also applies if the couple has children. It is up to the unfaithful partner to find a way. It is not just you who needs to wonder what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else.

A contact ban is part of the spatial separation. It will be particularly difficult, no question. However, it prevents halfway compromises and a "let's see what happens" from preventing the affair from being processed. There can be potential for change in love betrayal, but it is precisely the lasting changes that are so difficult when the emotions are no longer controllable.

In order to think about what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else, you need to distance yourself and create a safe space to analyze the situation.

A breakup feels like losing your partner. Separation and being left alone create panic in us. We suffer not only psychologically, but also physically: heart problems, poor circulation, dizziness, insomnia, stomach pains, and headaches - symptoms of a traumatic experience. Of course, not every cheating feels the same way for everyone.

You should know that the process of deciding what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else is not easy, but you must do it for your well-being.

Only a contact ban prevents the deceived person from being able to gather and heal due to the distance. Because the symptoms are not accidental signs of addiction. The reward center that controls our wants and needs, misses the cozy intimacy and relationship happiness that was created by and with the partner. Every reunion is a small relapse and may prevent a rational processing of what happened and a clear view of the possible future.

When The Partner Is Having An Affair

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?
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The question of what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else is even harder when the partner had an ongoing affair. The ongoing external relationship is always associated with ongoing lies and deceit. No excuse like "opportunity" or "slip" will apply here.

Planning and intent are part of the affair. This is exactly what makes them inexcusable to many betrayed partners. Along with the feeling of being replaced comes self-doubt. Especially betrayed wives torment themselves with accusations: "How could I not notice that? Am I to blame? Should I have behaved differently? Am I unable to be in a relationship?"

Cheated men tend to be unforgiving, shutting themselves off, withdrawing, and looking for distractions. It may even look like you are not thinking about what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else.

They could look well, even unbothered. But you can't predict a reaction because it has a lot - if not everything - to do with individual self-esteem and attachment, so the betrayer feels threatened.

Man Cheats But Says He Loves Me

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

It is common to think about why people cheat when thinking about what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else. Monogamy is not ideal for every couple, some couples suffer from it and look for ways to open up the relationship. Each couple can negotiate this themselves. The difference in the affair, however, is that it was not negotiated, but carried out secretly selfishly.

Unfaithful partners today often use the term polyamory. It can be argued that people, who have evolved in groups, have to bend their monogamous two-person relationship against their phylogenetic character and are not made for loyalty, which is also a very recent ideal.

This relationship model has to be negotiated. Most people will disagree with that. And that is why a lot of people find themselves in a situation of being cheated on, and wondering what to do when their partner is sleeping with someone else.

Does The Relationship Still Have A Chance?

What To Do When Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else? Draw A Line Or Save The Relationship?

What to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else? Love doesn't work without trust. In order to restore the lost trust, it is important to create space for communication and to talk regularly about feelings and open questions: How are the conflicts developing?

Does the new behavior bring the desired improvements? The partners should jointly explore the best time for these discussions (e.g. in the evening or at the weekend) and set a certain rhythm that suits both (about once a week).

Attempts to punish your partner for their behavior at all costs are of little use. True, the person who has lied must realize the full implications of their dishonesty and what it means to have betrayed the covenant of the marriage or relationship. If the trust that has been lost is to be restored and the crisis overcome together, both partners must above all see themselves as a team again.

So, there come two options of what to do when your partner is sleeping with someone else. Draw a line or save the relationship. Some people manage to forgive their partner completely at some point. Nevertheless, one should not tick off the processing too quickly because a new beginning takes time.

If you are stuck in a deadlocked situation, it is better to go your separate ways. You should start the new partnership openly and trustingly. Anyone who starts a new relationship with distrust as a result of their bad experiences may then have to learn to trust again from the ground up.