Research indicates that approximately 30% to 60% of individuals have encountered on-again-off-again relationships. Occasionally, a relationship may exhibit a hot-and-cold dynamic even before it commences. If you have experienced a scenario where a man pulls away, only to later return and seek comfort in your embrace, you are aware of the immense stress that it can cause. Here are some suggestions on how to manage this type of person and prevent getting hurt by their indecisiveness.
1. Decide What You Want To Do
Your man has returned after ignoring you. What should you do? Firstly, check in with yourself and figure out what you really want. While his hot-and-cold behavior can be tempting, consider whether you want to stay on his emotional rollercoaster. If you believe his pulling away was a one-time occurrence and you see a positive future together, pursue it. But ensure that your decisions are your own, rather than influenced by his behavior.
2. Set Boundaries
Pulling away from a partner without warning is a harmful behavior that you don't have to endure. Set boundaries and reinforce them with suitable consequences. If feasible, talk to your partner about your expectations and boundaries directly. Clarify that a stable partner is essential for a successful relationship. Communicate the impact of his withdrawal and why it is unacceptable. Finally, decide on a course of action if he does it again. If he is committed to moving forward with you, he will not be intimidated by your honesty.
3. Don't Play His Games
One might think that the best way to handle a guy who has gone cold is to reciprocate by pulling away. However, as the adage goes, two wrongs don't make a right. Don't engage in playing hard to get by distancing yourself. Instead, if you want to strengthen your relationship now that he's back, demonstrate the type of behavior you want from him. Be accessible and receptive emotionally, just as you hope he will be.
4. Find Out Why He Pulled Away
There are various reasons why a guy may pull away once a relationship becomes close. Instead of trying to guess his motives or read his mind, it's typically best to ask him directly. If this feels too difficult, or if he provides a vague response, consider the information you have. For instance, did the relationship move too fast? Were you becoming clingy? Does he have a reputation for being a player and seeing other people? Remember that his decision to pull away is not your fault. However, comprehending the reason may aid in determining your next steps and how to handle your relationship in the future.
5. Pay Attention to His Attachment Style
In certain cases, a man's decision to pull away from a relationship is related to his attachment style, particularly if he has avoidant tendencies. Unfortunately, those with an avoidant attachment style often find it challenging to express their deepest emotions and requirements. Observe if his behavior aligns with an avoidant attachment style. If he displays avoidant traits, keep in mind that he strongly desires personal space and independence. This is not personal, but it may be a deal-breaker if your needs are constantly in conflict.
6. Rethink Your Relationship
It's probable that his decision to pull away caused you pain. In a committed relationship, the last thing you want is to be with someone whose needs and desires make you feel miserable. Consider if pursuing a romantic relationship with him is genuinely the best option for you, or if another type of relationship would be more suitable. Despite your fondness for him, he may be better suited as a friend or a FWB than a boyfriend.
7. Invest Time In Yourself
Investing time and energy in things outside of your relationship is the best course of action after he pulled away. This prevents you from obsessing over his next move and reminds you that your life is fulfilling with or without him. Hang out with friends, pursue new hobbies, and prioritize self-care. Your independent spirit will demonstrate to him that he must earn your time by making a steady and deliberate effort.
8. Remain Authentic
If you're still interested in him and relieved that he came back, it's important not to get too fixated on keeping his attention. After he pulled away once, you may be feeling more insecure. It's normal to worry that he might do it again, leaving you feeling rejected and confused. If you decide to pursue a relationship with him, you must accept that there is a risk involved. Avoid trying to read his mind and impress him, just be yourself. If he pulls away again, remember it's not your fault, it's his.
Why A Guy Might Be Pulling Away In The First Place
Guys pulling away and then coming back is a common behavior, but the reasons behind it are not always clear. There are many different possibilities that could explain this behavior, which is why it can be difficult to understand. Here are some of the most common reasons why guys distance themselves before eventually returning.
1. Things Are Moving Too Fast
It's understandable that you feel eager to dive into a relationship when you meet someone you really like. However, it's not your fault if the guy starts to pull away soon after. This may be due to his emotional immaturity or a strong preference for a slower pace. It's ultimately up to you to decide if you can handle this and find a balance that works for both of you. While a bit of caution is wise, you also don't want to move too slowly and miss out on potential opportunities.
2. He's Talking To Other Women
In the early stages of a non-exclusive relationship, it's possible that he's distancing himself because he's talking to other women and trying to weigh his options. If he ultimately decides that he likes you the most, he may come back and want to continue the relationship. However, it's important to consider whether you're willing to wait for him to make a decision and whether this behavior aligns with what you want in a relationship.
3. He Doesn't Like You As Much As He Thought He Did
It's an unfortunate possibility to acknowledge, but it could happen. A respectful man would be honest and kind in letting you know, but that requires bravery and transparency. If he's not familiar with either, he may choose to fade away instead. He might return if he's bored or hasn't found someone else, but that's not worth waiting for.
4. He's A Commitment-Phobe
There's no denying it - he's pulling away because he's not ready (or doesn't want) to take the next step in the relationship, even though things are going well. He needs space to think and slow things down. It would be great if he could mature and communicate openly, but unfortunately, we can't always get what we want.
