Fights between married couples are normal and even healthy. They let you know about each other’s feelings about issues that irritate them. Having conflicts helps couples to identify pressing issues and come up with agreeable solutions. After a fight with your husband, what you do and say is as important as your words during the conflict. Here are ten things you should never do after a fight with your husband.
Do not stonewall him
After a fight, it is only natural to want to ignore him until he makes the first step or refuse to talk to him when he approaches you. However, this behavior makes him think you are ignoring and punishing him. Stonewalling leads him to keep his feelings about the argument to himself. A better way to deal with your anger is communicating respectfully that you will require a little more time to cool down after the argument. The time should not extend to an unreasonable limit.
Don’t just say you are sorry
If your husband is still hurt from your earlier argument, saying you are sorry for your part in the argument is not enough. In fact, sometimes just saying sorry and leaving it at that indicates a sense of arrogance and disinterest in the argument. When apologizing, follow up with why you are apologizing and make a promise not to repeat a similar mistake in the future.
Don’t use his words against him in the future
Women are good at recalling what somebody said, exactly how they said it. However, in a marriage, forgiving and forgetting are fundamental principles. Revisiting an argument after it is resolved indicates unforgiveness, which will hurt him. Raise an issue immediately when it occurs and once resolved, let it go. Completely.
Do not make excuses for your fight
It is only human to blame other factors outside of ourselves for the wrongs in our lives. For instance, you could blame your day at work, your employer, or the traffic for your irritable moods. However, owning up to your part of the argument shows him you are taking responsibility for your actions. Should you be in a grumpy mood, warn him so he knows to approach you with sensitivity. Let your husband know how you feel, whether it’s anger or being unloved. Information is vital to conflict resolution.
Do not walk away if he revisits the fight
If, after an argument your spouse revisits an earlier issue, do not walk away or dismiss him. Hear what he has to say and seek clarification from him. This lets him know you care about his feelings regarding the issue and wants to help with finding solutions.
Do not insult him
Insulting your spouse or making sarcastic remarks after an argument is wrong. This behavior leads to hurt and insults for him. Name-calling will only create hurt and affect his self-esteem as he may never recover from the hurt you cause him.
Don’t give make-up sex if you don’t want to
After an argument, your husband may want to have sex with you to feel closer. However, if you are not feeling up to it, politely decline with gratitude for his effort in getting close to you and a promise for sex once you have cooled down from the argument. Brushing him off bluntly will hurt him. You could get close to him by just cuddling.
Don’t focus on the problem
During an argument, it is normal and common to focus on the problem that caused the argument. However, after a fight, seek ways to resolve the problem. Focusing on the issue keeps you going around in circles, draining you of the time you should have fun and bonding as a couple.
Don’t say you didn’t mean it
Saying you didn’t mean something you said will create a cycle that keeps you focused on the past. It denies you the chance to find solutions to your problems.
Don’t beat yourself up about the fight
Fights between couples happen often. Disagreements are a sign of a growing relationship, especially if the two of you find lasting solutions to your problems. Therefore, if you and your husband fight, be thankful that you care enough to the table and resolve your issues.