No matter how many breakups you've experienced, you can never become used to them because, duh, breakups are messy and the emotional pain and heartbreak are bound to push you off balance. Fortunately, guidelines exist to help us out in our dating life.
Below are common post-breakup mistakes you’re likely to make- and how to avoid them to achieve healing.
1. Seeking the other person
After a breakup, it's common to feel a tremendous sense of loss. Therefore, in the first months after a split, you're likely to do something pretty impulsive. For instance: phone calls and desperate texts.
Even though you're the one who initiated the breakup, you'll realize that the other person isn't there for you anymore, which is coupled with sad thoughts and loneliness. Consequently, you'll feel the need to contact your ex.
Moreover, you’ll be inclined to meet up and even get physical. However, it’s one of the biggest mistakes you can make after a breakup.
Don't text your ex, "you up?" at 1 a.m. You won't be doing yourself any favours.
2. Not doing ‘No Contact’
As the name suggests, the No Contact rule means no texting, calling, or messaging an ex after the breakup. That is, having no contact whatsoever for at least three weeks. It also includes not talking to their family or friends concerning the breakup.
It requires a substantial personal restraint. But don't get me wrong, exes can be friends. However, not immediately after a breakup.
Also, don’t seek your ex out or ask people about him. Instead, take time to reflect and get over the relationship. It will prevent the situation from escalating as it gives you a new perspective and time to heal.
The 'No Contact' rule is hard but necessary. If you're tempted to contact your ex, try changing your ex's name on your phone to something that will remind you not to. For instance, pathetic or better yet: sorry, not sorry.
3. Dating too soon
It's tempting to jump into the dating scene and move on with someone new. However, moving on doesn't mean getting into a new relationship. And part of the reason it's a bad idea is that not only have you not mourned the end of a significant part of your life. You've not healed from your past relationship.
There’s no need to rush into a new relationship with emotional baggage.
Take a breather; people are always looking to date. You're not missing out on anything that won't be there when you're ready.
And if you want to start dating, make sure it's something you want to do, not because you're driven by loneliness or you need a distraction not to think about your ex.
Everyone is different. In the same way, everyone has different experiences when it comes to love and relationships. And breakups are no exception.
Therefore, it's OK to feel like you're taking a long time getting over a relationship than your friend did. Each experience is unique, and it will be best for you not to compare your breakup experience.
“I should be all right by now,”
“Why am I taking too long to recover?” Well, you should be watching a Netflix movie right now. Besides, such questions will only keep you in utter misery. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Let healing take its course.
5. Seeking advice from multiple people
It's great to have a support system—a person who'll listen with empathy and without judgment—for instance, a friend or family member.
However, getting advice from different people is not a good idea since you're likely to receive much-contradicting information.
Importantly, it’s OK to seek a professional such as a coach or a therapist. Support from an objective party is an excellent way to embark on healing after a split.
Furthermore, you’re the only one who knows what you need. Listen to your intuition- it’s one of the greatest gifts from God to women.
6. Social Media Stalking
There’s no hiding that social media can trigger grief and anger as you’re likely to come across memories of your past relationship. Just like the No Contact rule, restrict access to your ex’s social media.
At the very least, unfollow or block your ex to prevent reminders and notifications that will otherwise set you back.
It requires a lot of willpower, and you'll often be tempted to "just check-in." However, it is a slippery slope, and you're only prolonging your healing process.
7. Comparing new dates to your ex
Even though you’ve waited a while before joining the dating scene, it’s natural to find yourself comparing your current dates to your ex.
It's like when your favorite television show changes characters, and you can't help but compare the current cast to the previous one.
It’s hard not to compare- after all, it's the latest memory you have in the dating pool. For instance, if you were cheated on, it's understandable to be cautious and guarded. But this person isn't your ex. Though he has the potential to hurt you, he can also restore your faith in love. Give him the chance to do the latter.
For your relationship to thrive, avoid comparison. Instead, redefine love with your partner.
Breakups are brutal and confusing. Some part of you will want your ex back while another part wants to move on. Not to mention several occasions where emotions will override logic. Besides, emotional pain from heartbreak can run for weeks and even months. Therefore, it's only right to avoid mistakes during post-breakup that will prolong your healing.