It can be exciting to meet a guy who seems to be on the same wavelength as you, but it's worth considering if he might be a "pick me" type. These are men who try to prove their superiority by showing how much they care about women's issues and how much they oppose toxic masculinity. While their intentions may be good, they often end up objectifying or infantilizing the women they claim to support.
The Definition Of A Pick Me Boy
A pick-me boy is a man who tries to win the favor of women by claiming to be different from other men, who are often perceived as dishonest, unfaithful, or unwilling to commit. He presents himself as an ideal and perfect partner to win a woman's attention and affection.
One issue with "pick me" boys is that their words and actions are often insincere and manipulative. They may use women's insecurities about relationships and gender dynamics to try to gain their favor, which can be emotionally damaging. This behavior is toxic and can be harmful to both individuals involved.
1. They Pretend To Be Feminists
A pick me boy often claims to be a feminist and supports women's rights, but their words may not match their actions. They may make grand statements about equality and fairness, but their behavior may suggest otherwise. This can create a feeling of insincerity or phoniness.
2. They're Purposely Self-deprecating As A Way Of Fishing For Compliments
This man may be claiming to be sensitive and vulnerable to gain the favor of women, but his actions and behaviors do not align with these claims. In reality, he may be overly confident and using his supposed sensitivity as a guise.
3. They're Easily Intimidated By More Confident Guys
A pick-me boy may pretend to lack confidence to seem more attractive to women. However, their insecurity may stem from the fact that they feel they have to rely on tricks and manipulation to win a woman's affection, while other men can be genuine and still find success.
4. They're Extra Clingy
This man may be trying to win you over by constantly contacting you and wanting to spend all of his time with you. He may even use love bombing, which is the practice of showering a person with affection and attention to win their favor. However, this behavior could be a sign that he is actually trying to control or manipulate you rather than genuinely expressing his feelings.
More Qualities To Look Out For
1. They're Manipulative And Emotionally Abusive
Pick me boys may use emotional manipulation and guilt-tripping tactics to control and get their way in a relationship. This can be abusive and harmful to the person on the receiving end. According to Elaine Parker, a relationship expert, and CEO of SaferDate, "Many people will try to alter their personality to feed their desire to be accepted and remain in social situations, particularly when it comes to dating. 'Pick mes', however, often use emotional manipulation and guilt-tripping to get their way and control the situation."
2. They're Always Putting Other Guys Down
This man may try to position himself as superior to other men by pointing out their flaws and mistakes. He may claim that he is more evolved or intelligent than other men, or that they are all dishonest and disrespectful towards women. While this behavior may initially be appealing, it's important to be aware that it could be a tactic to distract from his flaws and to manipulate your perceptions of him.
3. They Constantly Ask For Reassurance
When dating a pick-me boy, you may be constantly bombarded with questions about your feelings and intentions, such as whether you like him, enjoy spending time with him, or think he is the type of person you want to be with. These questions may be relentless and never-ending.
4. They're Self-righteous About Being "different"
This person may constantly boast about their own perceived superiority and how "different" they are from others. Such behavior can be off-putting and exhausting, and it's important to be wary of anyone who seems overly focused on promoting their own perceived superiority.
5. Their True Selves Come Out When You Figure Out Their Game
Pick me boys often struggle to handle rejection and may react poorly if they are not successful in winning a woman's attention or affection. They may resort to insults, criticism, and aggression, behaving in a way that is inconsistent with their self-proclaimed image of being different from other men. When faced with rejection, they may exhibit the same negative traits and behaviors that they claim to dislike in others.
The Differences Between A Pick Me Boy And A Pick Me Girl
Both "pick me" boys and girls may try to win the favor of the opposite sex by altering their behavior or appearance to fit societal expectations or to appeal to their desired partners. However, the specific tactics they use may differ. While "pick me" girls may try to change themselves to fit a certain ideal, "pick me" boys may try to distance themselves from other men by belittling them and claiming to be different. These behaviors can be toxic and harmful to both individuals involved, and it's important to seek out genuine, healthy relationships.