What I Wish I’d Knew Before I Fell In Love With An Alcoholic
Published in Nov 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
Alcoholism is a serious addiction to alcohol that causes a lot of pain and hurt to families and people involved.
After falling in love with an alcoholic, I learned a lot of tough lessons. There are things that I wish I could have known before I gave my heart to an alcoholic.
Here are some things that I wish I knew, and that you should know if you love an alcoholic.
Love cannot make someone recover
No matter how much you love him, you cannot save him from alcoholism. You will stand by him, fight for him, and try to fight against alcoholism, thinking that you will help him with the problem, but he has to save himself.
Trying to heal an alcoholic with love emotionally derailed me. It made my partner realize that I failed and it caused him to drink more.
Alcoholism is a disease.
When dealing with an alcoholic, it sometimes made me feel as if they are making a conscious decision not to be sober. I believed that love is powerful and can make someone get through any problem. It was painful when I realized that he couldn’t just change from addiction when he wanted to.
No person wants to hurt himself and destroy his relationship from the one who loves him.
Make alcohol a priority
Alcoholics will choose to drink all through before doing anything else. They will not prioritize spending time with the people in their life. Trying to sober up to engage in their relationship makes them feel attacked by withdrawal symptoms and causes relapses.
Isolation from loved ones
Sometimes I would lose myself in the middle of taking care of him, knowing I would never get back the love I was giving.
An alcoholic will take most of your time. He will take your attention and expect you to give all the care that he needs. The power of alcohol in him will make him manipulative and even drive people who matter in his life away, who could have helped him out or see things differently.
A deeper problem than visible ones
Insecurity, lack of enough love as a child, inferiority complex, and low self-esteem make him drink in order to feel powerful. Someone could have gone through childhood traumas and become emotionally deprived. I wish I knew that Alcoholism isn’t always caused by someone just simply wanting to have a drink.
He will never love you as you deserve
An alcoholic is all in for a relationship with alcohol, and until he manages that, you will never get the love you deserve. In the recovering process, it requires a lot of time and commitment to enable them to get the care they need to heal. This leaves little or no time at all for anybody in his life.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean it is your full responsibility to take care of someone. It means as much as you are taking care of them, they are supposed to be taking care of you. You can’t forget your entire life in trying to help him get out of addiction. You cannot always be at the giving end without receiving. A relationship is all about receiving and giving.
Living in fear of their relapse
If the alcoholism habit of your partner is bad, you should note that even when they are in recovery, the fear of relapse will still be there. Relapses can be highly terrifying, especially to alcohol lovers, because, in most cases, they are unexpected. They took place when you thought you are in the clear, and they are very emotional, painful, and tumultuous.