As a woman, you may believe that you have a clear understanding of what men do when you're not around, but that assumption could be far from the truth. In reality, there are many things that we do that we would rather keep hidden from you. While some of these activities aren't necessarily negative, most of them are not exactly positive. Additionally, some of our behaviors can be quite unsightly. Below are a few examples of what men do when they're alone.
1. Walk around naked
I completely concur with the notion that a man's naked body isn't particularly appealing to behold. That's undoubtedly an area where women surpass men. However, when no one is present, we males still relish the freedom of walking around in the nude and exposing ourselves. It's a liberating feeling, and there's no one around to criticize us.
2. Fart and enjoy the smell
I'm certain that many of you have experienced the unpleasantness of being around a man when he passes gas. Of course, in polite company, he would excuse himself politely, wouldn't he? However, that rule goes out the window when there's no one else around. In the privacy of our own company, we men tend to welcome our flatulence and sometimes even derive pleasure from their noxious odor.
3. Stalk our exes
We would never engage in this behavior while you're present, unless we're attempting to elicit jealousy. However, during our solitary moments, we do occasionally surreptitiously monitor our ex-partners. We're not proud of it, which is why we do it privately.
4. Play video games for hours on end
While it may be considered odd to become overly invested in video games at a certain age, there are no restrictions on doing so when no one is present. We don't want women to see that we still have the heart of a 12-year-old boy, but the reality is that we still engage in gaming secretly.
5. Spend way too much time in the bathroom
Men enjoy taking their time in the bathroom without anyone around to inquire about the delay. Further elaboration may not be necessary.
6. Eat the laziest, unhealthiest food
To create the impression that we're mature adults, some men will consume healthy and sophisticated meals in the presence of women. However, when we're left to our own devices, our eating habits can become somewhat peculiar. We may indulge in fast food binges or concoct strange mixtures from our pantry. It's fair to say that there are no rules or recipes when it comes to our solo dining experiences.
7. Burp as loudly as possible
If there's nobody around to hear it, there's no point in suppressing a burp. While you may believe that you've taught your boyfriend to conceal his burps and apologize afterward, it's all a façade.
8. Watch porn
I apologize if you've been in denial about your boyfriend's continued consumption of pornography, but the reality is that it likely still occurs when you're not present. This behavior doesn't necessarily make him a "dirty pervert," as it may simply be a part of his personal habits. It's possible that he watches it because he misses you, although that is not a certainty. Regardless, he likely isn't disclosing this information to you. It may be helpful to acknowledge that this behavior happens and attempt to avoid fixating on it.
There are numerous things that can bring a man to tears, often more than people may perceive. However, it typically takes exceptionally distressing circumstances for us to cry in the presence of others. If possible, we usually resist crying until we are alone, at which point we allow ourselves to release our emotions.
10. Sit around with our hands down our pants
Let me clarify, we're not constantly fiddling with our private parts. Rather, sitting on the couch in sweatpants with our hands resting just below our waist is remarkably comfortable. We recognize that it may seem odd to engage in this behavior in your presence, but it's an activity we find pleasurable when we don't have to explain it to others.
11. Smelling ourselves but refusing to shower
If we have no plans and no one is nearby, there's little incentive to shower. Admittedly, we may take a whiff to assess our odor. Nevertheless, when we're by ourselves, we'd have to smell exceedingly unpleasant to feel compelled to shower.
12. Experiment with your weird soaps
Regarding cleanliness, if we do decide to shower alone, it's possible that we might use any soap or body lotion you have available. Your boyfriend may appreciate your fragrance, which piques his interest in your fancy products. Although it's somewhat unusual, we tend not to disclose this to you.
13. Fix stuff that doesn't need fixing
You've heard the saying "Idle hands are the devil's playground," haven't you? When no one is present, we seek activities to occupy ourselves, even if nothing requires repair. To answer your inquiry, no, we are unfamiliar with the expression "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
No explanation is needed for this, correct?
15. Wait for someone to save us from ourselves
To reference a quote from True Detective, "Past a certain age, a man without a family can be a bad thing." Many men are simply not suited for extended periods of solitude, as evidenced by most of the previously mentioned behaviors. In some respects, the time we spend alone is essentially time spent waiting for someone to rescue us, although we don't necessarily want you ladies to be aware of this.