There is a clear distinction between having high standards in a relationship and having unrealistic ones. While you may have an ideal version of a perfect partner in your mind, it's important to remember that no one person can meet all of those expectations. However, it's still essential to maintain boundaries and expectations that safeguard your overall well-being and ensure you receive the respect you deserve. How do you strike this balance in your relationships?
What Is The Meaning Of "High Standards" In Relationships?
You must have certain expectations for your partner to live up to when you're in a relationship. This doesn't mean they have to do everything for you or treat you like royalty, but rather that they show you respect and kindness, put effort into the relationship, and show affection. These standards may vary from person to person, as everyone has different needs and desires. While it's unrealistic for anyone to meet all of your expectations, it's okay to want a partner who can meet a few of them.
In essence, having high standards in a relationship means that you expect to be treated well, that you deserve the same effort and consideration that you put into the relationship, and that you should be able to protect yourself from unnecessary pain and hurt. By holding yourself and your partner to high standards, you can recognize when someone is not meeting your needs and avoid wasting time and causing yourself unnecessary heartache by ending the relationship earlier.
Challenges Of Demanding More In Your Relationships
1. We Hate Ourselves For Putting Up With Stupid Boys
Dating can often involve a lot of mind games and waiting for someone else to make the first move, whether it's texting first or initiating a kiss. It's frustrating to feel like we have to play these games and to waste time hoping that someone will contact us. We know that we deserve better than to be treated this way.
2. We Won't Settle For Mediocre Men
While some people may be able to convince themselves that their cheating partners are good people, we can't do the same. We don't believe in the saying "ignorance is bliss" and refuse to let our feelings cloud our judgment. We won't let ourselves be blinded by our emotions.
3. We Rarely Find Men Worth Dating
Many men today are lazy and don't put in the effort to make their partners feel special or to dress up for outings. That's why our first dates rarely lead to second dates.
4. We Come On Strong
Men may be used to women being indirect about their feelings, so they may be caught off guard when we communicate what we want. However, we know what we want and are not afraid to be vocal about it. It's not wrong to be clear about our desires, even if men may think otherwise.
5. We Know Someone Better Is Always Out There
Even if we initially think a guy is nice, we may eventually find flaws in his character. When that happens, we may struggle with the decision of whether to continue dating him or end things. We understand that nobody is perfect, but we also believe that we deserve better.
6. Men Aren't Used To Women Who Won't Put Up With BS
Men who are used to manipulating women for sex may not know how to interact with or even if they want to interact with someone like us who won't let them get away with bad behavior like other women have. They may be intimidated by our confidence and high standards.
7. Society Actually Criticizes Us For Having High Standards
When someone accuses us of being "too picky," they are implying that we should settle for someone in a relationship, even if we don't fully love them. We reject that mentality and would rather be single than be in a relationship without genuine love.
8. We Hold Ourselves To High Standards, Too
Some might say that we are perfectionists because we pay attention to detail and prepare for events. For example, we won't leave the house unless our makeup looks good and we won't arrive at a restaurant without having topics of conversation prepared. On dates, we try to be on our best behavior in case the person we are with could potentially be our soulmate.
9. We Already Love Ourselves
Others might label us as perfectionists because we take care of our appearance and are well-prepared for events. We make sure that our makeup is done and that we have topics to discuss on a date. We strive to be on our best behavior during dates because we want to make a good impression, as we hope that the person we are with could potentially be our soulmate.
Standards You Should Have For Your Partner
1. You Need Someone Who Will Make Time For You
While some may see this as a high standard, it is a fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship. This does not mean that your partner needs to be with you constantly, but it does mean that they should set aside time for the relationship and prioritize it. You should not feel isolated in your relationship or have to find companionship elsewhere. If your partner does not make an effort to prioritize the relationship, it may not be worth continuing.
2. Your Partner Should Introduce You To Their Family And Friends
Some people may argue that not introducing their partner to people in their life is a way to keep things private or low-key, but that may not always be the case. Sometimes a partner may avoid introducing their significant other to their loved ones out of shame or because they are not taking the relationship seriously. It is not unreasonable to expect to be integrated into your partner's life and does not mean that your standards are too high.
3. There Must Be Clear Lines Of Communication
While everyone needs to have their own space, it is not unreasonable to expect regular communication from a partner. It is not too much to ask your partner to let you know if they will be busy or unavailable for some time. Similarly, if they are in a bad mood, they should communicate that to you rather than ignoring you for an extended period.
4. Financial Stability Is A Requirement
For some people, financial stability is important in a partner, while for others it is a non-issue. Some may view this as being too "high maintenance," but it ultimately comes down to personal preference. It is not unreasonable to want a partner who has a stable financial situation, such as a good career, a comfortable lifestyle, and no major debts. This can eliminate potential problems in the relationship and allow for a focus on other areas.
5. There's No Room In Your Life For Someone Who "hates" Everyone And Everything
There is a difference between having a strong opinion or passion about something and being hateful or discriminatory. It is normal not to like everything, but it can be unsettling to be with someone who is constantly angry, especially if you do not share their views. It may be best to avoid dating someone who exhibits this behavior.
6. You Expect To Be Aware Of All Important Decisions
In a serious relationship, every significant decision that your partner makes can impact you. Even if some decisions may seem indirect, it is not inappropriate to want to be involved in the decision-making process. You should not feel guilty or overbearing for wanting to be included, as you are an integral part of the relationship and your shared future.
7. Your Partner Should Listen To Your Problems And Show Support Or Concern
While your partner is not a professional therapist, they should be able to provide emotional support and be a listening ear for you when you need it. You are entitled to expect consistent care and support from your partner in times of difficulty and challenge. Your partner should be willing to stand by you through both good times and bad.
8. Loyalty Is A Must
When you enter into a relationship, you expect exclusivity and loyalty from your partner. This includes honesty, trust, and faithfulness. It is not acceptable to tolerate cheating or lying from your partner under any circumstances.
9. Don't Accept Comparisons
Every relationship is unique and it is not fair to compare it to others. Your partner should not use other relationships to criticize what you have together. Comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and steal joy from the relationship. It is important to focus on the love, happiness, and joy that exists within your bond.
Things You Should Be Doing In Your Relationships
It is important to hold your partners to certain expectations and standards to maintain healthy relationships, but it is also important to remember to take care of your own needs and protect your own heart. Both you and your partner have a role to play in building and maintaining a healthy relationship.
1. Know Your Worth
It is time to stop doubting yourself and your abilities. You are intelligent, amazing, and worthy of all the good things in life. Believe in yourself and your worth, because if you don't, who will? Don't let self-doubt hold you back from living a confident and fulfilling life.
2. Don't Ignore Red Flags
Ignoring someone's serious faults or lowering your standards for them will only lead to blindness in love and allowing yourself to be mistreated. It is important to keep your heart open to love, but also to be aware of red flags and pay attention to signs that someone may not be right for you. Keep your standards high and prioritize your well-being and happiness.
3. Get A Jerk Filter
It's important to pay attention to red flags when going on dates and not just ignore them. A good way to do this is by using a "jerk filter," which is a list of all the behaviors or traits that you will not tolerate in a partner. When you encounter red flags, you can use your jerk filter to identify which ones are deal breakers for you. Knowing your deal breakers is important because they represent your standards and values.
4. Forget The Fantasy
Love can be amazing and fulfilling, but it's important to not have unrealistic expectations. Don't believe the fairytale that love will always be perfect or that you can change someone who is not worthy of your love.
5. Know What You Want
It may seem straightforward to know what you want in a partner when dating, but it's worth taking the time to think about it. If you don't have a clear idea of what you're looking for, you may end up settling for less than you deserve. It's important to have clear criteria for a partner to ensure that you find someone who meets your needs and expectations. Knowing what you want is not being picky or unreasonable, and you should not let others pressure you into settling for less.
6. Never Settle
It's common for our needs and priorities to change as we grow and mature. For instance, you may come to realize that the "bad boy" type is not a good fit for a long-term partner. It's important to never settle for less than what you truly want and deserve. Compromising your standards and values can lead to long-term unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Trust yourself and your judgment, and don't settle for less than what you know you deserve.
7. Carry Yourself With Confidence
Confidence comes from believing in your value and worth. When you have confidence, you can walk and speak with conviction and honesty. This allows you to clearly express your desires and boundaries, which can help to filter out people who are not compatible with you or who do not treat you with respect. Trust in your worth and don't be afraid to speak up for what you want and don't want in a relationship.
8. Be Clear About Where You Stand
Having standards means being clear and decisive about what you want and don't want. This means saying "no" instead of "maybe" when you don't want to do something or be with someone. It also means setting boundaries and speaking up when something doesn't feel right or when someone is asking for something that you are not comfortable with. A woman with standards knows her mind and is not afraid to speak up and assert herself. She doesn't just go along with whatever others want or expect of her.
9. Don't Forget To Set Your Boundaries
Boundaries are an important part of having standards because they help you to define what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in your relationships with others. Boundaries allow you to respect yourself and your own needs and feelings, and they prevent others from taking advantage of you or treating you disrespectfully. Without boundaries, you may find yourself being taken for granted or mistreated. Setting and maintaining boundaries is a crucial aspect of self-respect and healthy relationships.
10. Don't Get Swamped By FOMO
It's understandable to feel anxious or worried about being single for a long time, but it's important not to let these feelings lead you to settle for less than you deserve. Lowering your standards or dating just for the sake of it will not increase your chances of finding a happy and fulfilling relationship. It's better to have high standards and be patient for the right person than to waste time and energy on the wrong one. Remember, the stress of feeling like time is running out is not worth it if it means sacrificing your happiness and well-being.
Unreasonable "Standards" That Are Actually Just Pickiness
While you might think that the below standards are reasonable, it's important to be mindful of how your expectations might come across as picky or judgmental. This type of behavior can be a turn-off to potential partners and can ultimately lead to being single. It's important to be open and flexible and to be willing to consider different perspectives and ways of life. Being too rigid or critical can limit your chances of finding a fulfilling relationship.
1. They Have To Look Like A Model
You may believe that physical appearance is crucial in a romantic partner and only want to date someone who is extremely good-looking. However, this way of thinking is unfortunate because there are various kinds of attractiveness and by only considering someone's appearance, you could overlook important, deeper qualities that are much more significant than just having a perfect smile.
2. They Have To Meet Your Specific Physical Requirements
You may have specific physical characteristics that you desire in a partner, such as a man who is six feet tall with blue eyes and tattoos. However, it is not important if someone does not meet all of these criteria. These specific appearances do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
3. They Have To Have A Great (read: Lucrative) Job
It is not important what someone does for a living as long as they do it with integrity. What is much more important than their occupation is whether they have ambition, motivation, and the mindset of a successful person. It is possible for someone to be successful in their career but be a corrupt or arrogant individual. Similarly, just because someone is a doctor does not mean they are healthy or a good person.
4. They Have To Fit Your Personality "Shopping List."
Certain qualities are important to have in a romantic partner, such as trustworthiness and faithfulness. However, it is not fair to break up with someone just because they do not have a witty sense of humor or are not very outgoing. Everyone has their strengths and no one is perfect. It is important to consider the other qualities that a person has and whether or not they are a good fit for you as a partner.
5. They Have To Like Your Friends
It is nice for the person you are dating to make an effort to get along with your loved ones, but it is not necessary for them to like everyone in your life. It is not fair to expect someone to love all of the people you care about. As long as they are polite and respectful, that is all that matters.
6. They Have To Bring Loads Of Sparks To The First Date
While chemistry is important, it is not the only factor to consider when deciding whether or not to go on a second date. Even if there was not an immediate spark on the first date, if you still had a good time, it is worth giving the person another chance. Sometimes nerves or awkwardness can get in the way on the first date and prevent the true potential for a spark from being shown. If there is a possibility of a connection, it is not a good idea to write the person off too quickly.
7. They Can't Get In Touch Too Quickly After The Date
You may want the person you are dating to initiate contact with you after the first date, but then feel uncomfortable if they do so within an hour of the date because it seems like they are moving too quickly. This inconsistency can be confusing and is not the same as being picky.
8. They Shouldn't Take Too Long To Contact You After The First Date
On the other hand, you might believe that someone needs to contact you right away after a first date if they are interested. If they take a few days to get in touch, it may seem like they are not interested. However, if they only waited a day or so to reach out, it is not a big deal. People may feel pressure to play it cool and not appear too eager, so it is important to give them some leeway.
9. They Shouldn't Be Too Nice
Being too nice can indeed be a problem, but only if the person seems to have ulterior motives. For example, if they are overly charming and bring expensive gifts on the first date, it may raise red flags. However, if they are genuinely nice to you and others and do not seem to have any issues, then there is no problem. In the long run, nice people are always better than bad boys.
10. They Need To Share Your Hobbies Or Passions
It is nice to have a partner who shares similar interests because it can make weekends more enjoyable and provide opportunities for shared experiences. However, it is not necessary for your partner to like all of the same things as you. As long as you have a strong connection on a deeper level, the hobbies and passions that you do not share should not matter. Having differences can be a good thing and provide a refreshing change.
11. They Need To Be Rom-com Romantic
Romance may be an important factor for you in a romantic partner, and you may not want to be with someone who is not romantic. However, it is important to consider whether or not you are holding onto Hollywood's idea of romance. There are many ways that someone can be romantic and make you feel special, so it is important to pay attention to these signs rather than having strict expectations of romance that may not be necessary.