I have never been one to display physical affection easily. Ever since I was young, I had difficulty accepting embraces and physical demonstrations of affection, even from my family. I have always felt uncomfortable with it, and now that I am grown up, I am starting to understand how this aversion to physical contact is complicating my dating life more than it should be.
1. I End Up Accidentally Driving A Lot Of People Away
I don't intend to reject my partner when they embrace me, it's just an unconscious habit, and I wouldn't blame anyone who sees it as an indication of disinterest in them. It's not that I don't want to be with them, it's just that I'm sensitive when it comes to physical contact. It's solely my concern, but not everyone understands that.
2. It's Not Just A Partner Touching Me That I'm Not OK With, It's Anyone Touching Me
It does not matter whether the person initiating physical contact is a man or a woman, I am generally uncomfortable with it. One might assume that I have experienced sexual abuse in the past, but that is not the case, it is simply a general fear and aversion to touching that I have always struggled with, whether it's an embrace from my grandmother or a handshake from an acquaintance. All forms of physical contact make me uneasy.
3. It Definitely Relates To Something That Happened Back In Childhood
I don't believe that my discomfort with physical contact is an inherent aspect of my personality. Although I am uncertain of the exact origin, I recall not enjoying being touched from a very early age. I even avoided holding my mother's hand, which was quite unusual. It is also challenging for me to overcome this issue because it is a persistent feeling that I have had throughout my life, dating back to when I was as young as five years old.
4. I Crave Being Touched Yet At The Same Time I'm Afraid Of It
It's a paradoxical situation because despite my strong desire for physical human interaction, when it actually occurs, I experience panic. I am uncertain of the reason behind this reaction, but it is a consistent pattern in my life.
5. Sometimes I'm OK With It, Sometimes I'm Not
There are instances when I am more than willing to engage in physical touch and to initiate it with others, usually when I have high self-esteem and confidence and also when I'm under the influence of alcohol. This unpredictability can be confusing for those I am with, as they may not know when it is appropriate to initiate physical contact. Thankfully, I am not entirely closed off to physical touch, otherwise, it would make it difficult for me to sustain a romantic relationship.
6. Sex Is… Interesting
During sexual activity, my emotions may vary. Depending on the situation, I may feel frightened or calm. For example, a gentle caress on my shoulder may cause me to feel uneasy, while intercourse may not have as strong of an emotional impact. I find the physical act of intercourse to be more routine and devoid of any personal judgments. It is simply a physical sensation without any underlying hidden intentions.
7. I Make Up Excuses To Not Be Touched
When I am not in the mood for physical contact, I will go to great lengths to avoid it. This could include holding onto my bag or purse tightly to avoid holding my partner's hand, or wrapping myself tightly in bedding to prevent cuddling. I will do whatever it takes to avoid being touched.
8. 'm Not Very Affectionate Because Of My Own Fear
As I am not comfortable with physical touch, I often assume that my romantic partner or potential partner also feels the same way. Touching is a significant matter to me, and I struggle to understand how some people can be so relaxed about it. I need to mentally prepare myself before engaging in any physical contact.
9. When My Partner Reaches For Me, I Sometimes Freeze Up
Unpredictably, I freeze up completely like a startled animal caught in the glare of an oncoming vehicle. It's as if my physical being responds before my mind does, which is peculiar but somewhat intriguing to ponder. Reflecting on it, I realize that my constant reaction of apprehension to physical contact likely reveals underlying past hurtful experiences.
10. For Some Reason, Touch = Danger To Me And It's Always Been That Way
Physical touch is perilous to me. Be it a companion approaching for an embrace, my mother planting a kiss on my cheek, or my partner grasping for my hand. It feels like a menace and I am uncertain of the true cause, however, I expend a great deal of effort in resisting the compulsion to withdraw and instead strive to perceive the physical touch as fondness rather than as a likely hazard.