We Keep Suffering Heartbreaks, Although We No Longer Commit
Published in Oct 2019 / Updated in Oct 2021
Many people can admit to being single for months at a time. I know I can, and there is no shame in admitting that. You might even be surprised to learn that some of us haven't been in committed relationships, like ever.
The funny thing is, people all over are still nursing heartbreaks and healing from relationships that never really happened.
So, what's going on here?
Why are friends with benefits, one-night stands, casual flings, and almost relationships leaving us with bleeding hearts?
Why does everyone seek closure and struggle to move on from relationships that never were? After all, it was just dating, and things never got to the boyfriend and girlfriend stage.
I would think avoiding relationships would mean avoiding heartbreaks.
But many heartbroken people know better.
The current generation has it wrong as far as relationships go. We shun commitment because we think that will protect us from heartbreaks. We think committed relationships make us vulnerable.
While that's a fact, we have it wrong as far as short-term casual relationships go.
It seems we are running into even greater problems by avoiding lasting relationships. We think such relationships will get us hurt through cheating, abandonment, and cruel mind games.
But the hearts keep breaking anyway. The brevity of our relationships does not protect us
I think we got something entirely wrong. It does not require months of working on a relationship for the heart to get broken when the worst happens.
The heart can get committed from day one
And it takes a moment to break a heart. So, the idea that you have to date someone for months or years before the heart gets involved is total bullsh*t.
Don't be surprised that you spend copious amounts of time re-reading the texts, questioning friends, or wondering what the hell they meant that night you spent together watching the stars once it's over.
When you love, it does not matter how long it has been. Your heart can still be shattered into pieces.
You hate relationships because you don't want to feel jealous or lose yourself. But remember one thing: every good thing worth having will make you jealous and possessive, and yes, it will change you into a better person.
You kissed, hugged, spend special moments together, enjoyed adventures, spent memorable nights in each other's arms, and had a great time. And you expect that will just go away because you did not let it get too far.
That's where you are wrong
You already put yourself out there and started something. Just because you did not have the guts to see it through does not mean it's forgotten. Your heart hasn't, at least.
It still remembers the feeling of waking up to a sweet good morning text or going to bed after a stimulating conversation on the phone.
So, what has brief relationships gotten us? More heartbreaks than we ever imagined.
The worst part is that many people think all relationships lead to heartbreaks. We think we can do without them.
Then a day comes when we think casual is the way to go, but it's not.
The only thing you should understand is this: nobody can rule their hearts. It wants what it wants. Period.
You might try never to commit, but the heart does, and it bleeds when things end abruptly. All you are left with are the memories, and the wounds keep adding up as you keep getting into such relationships.
Your feelings are part of you. There is no way around that. If you think ditching the relationship the moment it gets serious is a form of protection, think again.
You cannot keep the heart from desiring what's in its nature to love. So, you might as well give it the best chance you can find and get into a stable, lasting relationship. Who knows? It might pay off.