That’s a promise, not a threat, too. So that’ll show you up, you fear mongering lot, you.
But yes, sometimes you can get too caught up in the beauty guru-wellness queens or Kylie Jenner stans that all push their way of life on you. Well, we don’t all need to unthinkingly absorb that nonsense around us. One key fact remains the most important thing to remember: happiness is the goal but it’s not a permanent destination. No emotion is permanent, nor should it be.
That largely comes out of learning the age old art of not giving a f*&£.
Okay, saddle up chaps; I’m about to say something bold. Ready?
Your life is on track and you don’t need to rush through it for a series of arbitrary goals.
Yes, it is ridiculously hard to have friends that may seem like they ahead of you. More successful. Higher up in their career field. In a longer-term relationship Living independently. Wealthier. Fitter. Just in general, better.
While it may be the objective truth that someone’s job title is more senior than yours, or that they’ve been in a relationship for a greater number of days, it doesn’t really mean all that you may think it does.
Well, for one, these things aren’t permanent states of being. Just like it’s unreasonable and counterintuitive to expect to be happy all the time, you can’t always be successful. You wouldn’t know the hills from the valleys without a bit of context. Therefore, and you don’t have to be a bad person for thinking this, people won’t always be successful. Neither will you. But you also won’t be where you are now, forever. Not by any means.
Also, a quick side note, there’s a fine line between genuine self-improvement and what I have just described. Sometimes people will come along that are a genuinely good influence on terms that you value – such as getting you out on jogs, applying for ambitious jobs, or introducing you to new people. Those people you can and should keep up with! However, it’s the people that you hold on a pillar that make you feel a random compulsion to either be jealous of them or become them. That’s a situation that’s no good to anyone, because they don’t realise the power they inadvertently hold over your sense of identity, and once you establish patterns of supplanting your own interests, it’s all the harder to get back to your own goals and roots.
Therefore, it’s important to try to know your own limits, tendencies and hobbies so that you can step back to recognise your own goals and desires. Once you do so, you can lay out some achievable, reasonable goals and life markers that actually make sense to you.
We’ve all been the insecure teen at some point in our lives. It’s just inevitable.
What I’m saying is, we’ve all been so enduringly taught to subscribe to the need to find flaws in ourselves. Basically, any deviation from what has been established as the norm (straight white, rich male) is painted unalterably as a flaw. Sometimes, the flaw can be fixed; solved with some capitalistic consumption and confidence. Other times, however, we absorb into our personality a defence mechanism whereby we can protect ourselves with self-deprecating humour and a tendency towards isolating ourselves when things get hard. As a result of all of this, many of us have been conditioned to view our flaws as things people can use against us. Weaknesses that make us unloveable or undesirable, or fundamentally unworthy.
A quick and easily googleable statistic for you guys: there are approximately 7.7 billion people in the world. Depending on which way you swing, your geographical location, and sexual orientation, you’ve got a few billion at your disposal. Yes, you can’t see all of them or know or even conceive of such a huge number, but it’s good news. When we feel alone, unloved, or unloveable, we would do well to remember that in a batting average out of that many people, all of whom are looking for love just like we are, we’re bound to hit a few home runs.
You probably have a few stadiums worth of people that would love to get to know you.
We are just taught from day one that unless you look like 90s Jennifer Aniston, it’s a no go. Well, my friends, most of us don’t look like 2019 Jen, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But yet, people still find love. People open their hearts to being vulnerable and emotionally available and essentially, are willing to fall flat on their face and get hurt because they know it’s worth it.
Two facts: life is hard. Love is hard. But both are endurable with support.
Here’s the kicker though: if everyone feels rubbish and loveless and incapable of love, how are so many people happily in relationships? The reality is that everyone is insecure about themselves, but we’re all much more complimentary and forgiving to everyone else around us. Therefore, with some simple maths, if everyone is willing to forgive the perceived ‘flaws’ or imperfections of people around us, then we’re all worthy of love. We all know if we’re ready to be in a relationship, or fall in love, and yet we don’t recognise that other people are the same.
They are ready to fall in love with us, we just need to give them the chance.
Therefore, there’s nothing holding you back.
Do what makes you happy.
If society or someone has crushed you and you don’t know how to.
Then try new things out, you might surprise yourself!