Published in Aug 2019 / Updated in Oct 2021
We all suffer from insecurities in relationships. However, certain behaviors can quickly become toxic. Men have been taught from a young age to stifle their emotions. Dating a man riddled with self-esteem issues is exhausting. Here are some warning signs that you have encountered an emotionally insecure man.
Jealousy indicates that he thinks of you as a possession. He expects you to put him first, blow off friends and family, and pester you when you're out alone. A possessive partner is suffocating. Jealousy stems from extremely low self-esteem. His lack of self-confidence means he is constantly worried you will leave him. Everyone else is competition. He wants a tight grip on you.
Obsessed With Your Ex
An insecure man will harbor jealous feelings towards previous partners. It is tough for him to accept that you had a life before he showed up. He is so insecure, he sees your ex as a genuine threat. It won't matter how ancient the history is, he will fixate on the idea of you leaving him and getting back together with someone you might not even be in contact with. Insane.
Unsurprisingly, an insecure man is an untrusting man. Maybe he is struggling with abandonment issues or has had his heart smashed to pieces too many times before. This guy expects the worse. He is convinced you will leave him and will search for evidence that he is right. Trust is a necessary foundation for a strong, healthy relationship. Without it, there's no point dating at all.
Someone suffering from insecurity longs to feel secure. This can manifest in the need for constant validation. Boosting his ego is time-consuming. He needs continuous encouragement. If you are propping up his self-esteem and acting as his cheerleader all the time, he is not in a position to give you reassuring attention when you need it.
At the first sign of manipulation, run. Mind games are designed to control. He will mask his emotional insecurity with tricks and techniques which convince you of his worthiness. Watch out for gaslighting. Gaslighting is psychological manipulation that can make you question your own sanity. Everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. This is dangerous, sneaky, and detrimental to your mental health.
His World Revolves Around You
An insecure man will have difficulty cultivating relationships with anyone. He will have very few friends.
You are his priority. His relationship with you fills a deep, empty void in his life. He might tell you he loves you on the second date. He could plan an entire future with you, without your input. This is toxic. There is little room for your own personal space. Trying to do something without him could prove to be a struggle.
An emotionally insecure man is simply not ready to be in a relationship. It is not your job to fix him. There are plenty of secure men out there waiting to find their person. Don't waste time trying to fix someone who isn't ready to grow up.