It’s always a fine line between what makes us feel good and what makes us look good. Even more so, it’s often hard to establish whether we are doing things for the right reasons. Are we wearing a short skirt because we feel sexy in it, or because we think we will look sexy for guys? It’s tough to know, but I would wager that we don’t need to spend too long analysing every decision that we make against a feminist/progressive agenda.

Yes, we all want a better future and more equal standards of existence, but there are more productive ways of supporting that cause than just doing things that we think we ‘should’ be doing. The goal is empowerment, not to be constantly regulated as to what constitutes allowable ‘sexuality’ or ‘gender performance’. 

Here’s some tips!

  1. Practice a genuine smile – a dazzling array of pearly whites will go a long way to clinching the interest of a passing chap. It’s tried and tested, just as Elle Woods swears by the Bend and Snap (patent pending), the value of a charming smile cannot be underestimated.
  2. Change it up a bit! If you normally go for a full-face of make up, why not try going barefaced the next time you see your guy? Or, equally, if you are happy just chilling without make-up normally, maybe try a dash of eye-shadow or lipstick. If the guys have to make an effort, so do you! If not, why not go rogue with accessories or some eye-catching jewellery. If nothing else it will catch the light and get their attention that way!
  3. Feel confident in your own skin! Confidence is basically gold dust in mating rituals. When you’ve got it, guys can sense that and you immediately stand out from the crowd. Know yourself and then you can present to the men around you exactly what they want. Hint: it’s you. 

We always want to be loved for who we are, but also we’re always told the value of compromise and showing an effort in their interests. How, then, do we prevent ourselves from just constantly merging into our significant other? I do it all the time. When my new partner exhibits an interest in Sherlock, I’ll suddenly feel this compulsion to binge the whole thing. If they like running, I’ll take up jogging too. Essentially, I’m a copycat.

This occurs largely because I get emotionally attached and hold my partner up on a pillar where their opinion and personality represents the ideal, best form of humanity. Therefore, unconsciously I want to become them, because I know how much I value and love them. As a result, it’s important to use the list below as a means of maintaining your own identity and staying true to yourself.

We want to be irresistible to men.

We don’t need to just mirror their personality!

  1. Get his number early – maybe you feel like the guy should traditionally be the first person to make the move and get each other’s numbers. Not so, it’s 2019, guys! Why not be gutsy for a change and boldly request his number. While he gives his digits away he may well pass along his heart too. Well, we can dream, I guess. 
  2. Communication! Yes, we do love a fun period of playing hard to get and decoding each other’s messages. But there comes a point when you both deserve emotional maturity. This comes with time, but try to be clear early on about personal boundaries, expectations and what you want. Taking control and having conviction in yourself is impossible to ignore and you will find that your chap will be only too happy to oblige. 

So, there’s a few hints to start you off with!

But before I go, I’ll tell you what the biggest no-no is in the world of dating and courtship…

There’s no two ways about it, if there’s no truth in a relationship, there is no relationship. Period. 

Emotional honesty is difficult at the best of time, quite apart from when you’re trying to get someone to love you enduringly and unflinchingly. However, by definition, people can only love you ‘in spite of everything’ if you actually show them everything. Well, if not everything, then more of you. 

It may even be that you are the culprit here.

Make sure you reflect on whether or not you are emotionally available or communicating your needs to your partner. You don’t have to be outright cheating to be dishonest in a relationship. It leads to a less genuine mental environment and without the support system aspect of a relationship you might find yourself trapped in an increasingly artificial dynamic. Neither of you will be comfortable or communicative, and that isn’t fun for anyone.

But of course, it may be easier than that to discover if your relationship is based on a series of lies or silences. 

Relationships are based on emotions. Not omissions. 

Basically – avoid secrets, and remain emotionally available and you’ll be grand!