It took me a good few weeks to be able to understand how I felt about the situation with Hugh the last time I was with him and Paul.
I felt like I was losing myself in this so-called relationship. I really didn't know what we were. I have always had the understanding that there are several types of relationships: Friends with benefits, Exclusive relationships, Engaged & Married. The problem with this is I couldn't fit what we had into any one category. We were more than just friends with benefits but I knew that we weren't quite at the exclusive relationship category.....so I really didn't know where that left us.
I found myself wondering about this more and more often over the few weeks that we had been apart. Nothing had really changed with him. He was a loving person, a warm and gentle soul that I had fallen in love with. I was still wildly attracted to him and my feelings hadn't dulled but I knew that something just wasn't right...I just couldn't put my finger on it.
I sat in the back of the blacked-out town car on the way to seeing Hugh after he had flown up to see me. He was here for business and I was aching to find him. I needed to see that he was still the man I had fallen madly in love with during the last 2 years. I needed to know that he was still the innocent and pure-hearted person that I had grown to realise would be more than just a casual love in my life. I knew deep in my heart that he was the one that I would find it excruciating to live without.
I arrived at the hotel....it was our second home when he was in town.
This is how I felt: "Take My Breath Away" Covered by Jessica Simpson.
As I stepped out of the town car I placed one foot, glittering in my crystal-encrusted heels, strategically on the ground, I took the hand of the waiting attendant smiling as he greeted me "Bonjour Madam". I lifted myself airily out of the car in one swift motion and smoothed down my black tights and white silk top. I slung my handbag over my right arm, adjusted my sunglasses, and fluffed my hair making sure that I looked immaculate.
I began walking through the glass doors while being greeted by the awaiting bell boys, and I walked across the marble floors. I walked to the couch in the foyer and pulled out my phone. I looked up at the beautiful ceiling of one of the most luxurious hotels to ever grace my eyes. I saw the golden chandelier sparkling above me and looked around the hotel foyer to see an art deco beauty with various different styles from Asian decor to royal marble, that under normal circumstances would have looked utterly stupid but seemed to blend perfectly here.
I returned my gaze to the phone in my hand and began walking blindly towards the reception desk, praying that the manager would not be made aware of my presence at this hotel again. With all of the confusion going on in my head I wasn't sure that I would be able to handle being called Mrs. Montgomery again.
I sent Hugh a message to advise him that I had arrived and decided that I would take a seat by the elevators so it was a quick escape to the room and I wouldn't need to wait around or be noticed.
He responded immediately.
"I know, you look incredible baby! x" read his text message.
I spun around and in an instant I recognised him. He began gliding in my direction down three marble steps from the bar and I stood there drinking him, too stunned to move, too stunned to breathe. He literally took my breath away.
It wasn't that he was the most attractive man I had ever seen in my life but more the way he moved with an air of confidence (not to be confused with cockiness). He walked towards me in a pair of Calvin Klein Jeans and a crisp white Calvin Klein business shirt. Not once did he break his gaze that locked with mine. I felt the hunger and desire building in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to run my hands through his hair, down his stomach, and as he got closer the desire built to a burning fire. When he reached me, he placed his hand on the small of my back and yanked me towards him with a hunger and passion I had not felt before....we had finally closed the distance and I knew that he had felt it. He took my breath away with his kiss, I drank in his cologne that was like my own personal drug and I felt myself go weak at the knees and found the only support I had was his arm around me. I felt like the floor was going to swallow me up any moment and for the remaining duration of our embrace, I was struggling to breathe. I was struggling to move. I felt consumed by my desire, I felt consumed by the passion and overwhelming love that I held for this man. Every concern that I had ever had regarding him washed away. I knew that this man was everything I wanted and more than I had ever dreamed of. I loved him with every fibre of my being, it didn't matter what he did as long as he made me feel this way and I knew that he felt the same. Nothing was going to break our bond.....THIS was unconditional love......This was the only drug I needed!
We made our way up to the Opera Suite and as I looked around the magnanimous suite I took a deep breath. It was one of those moments in life that make you appreciate everything that you have achieved and knowing by your heart that this was just the beginning.
I unpacked my overnight bag and lay on my stomach on the bed while Hugh took a call. As I sat there looking through my emails I felt his presence as he entered the room. I turned around to look at the delicious man standing in front of me. He slid down on top of me and held me in a passionate embrace as he caressed my skin with his lips. I felt the aching desire consume me once again. I felt the growing desire at full attention beneath his $40.000 Calvin jeans and felt the passion burning from within myself. I gasped for air as I knew exactly where this was headed and I felt I couldn't wait any longer. I began running my hands down his back knowing it wouldn't be too long until we were both entwined within each other.
I pulled myself up onto my elbows and pulled away reluctantly and it took strength from within to pull away!
After finally composing myself we left to go downstairs for dinner and drinks.
After dessert, we retired to the lounge and drank a few bottles of wine. There was a lady sitting by her own so being the social butterflies we are we invited her for drinks. Hugh knew that I could sometimes feel a little jealous, but with this woman.....I felt completely fine.
When Hugh went to the bathroom she turned to me.
"You love him.....the look in your eyes says you are more than friends and the way he speaks to you is incredible. If you have someone treat you like that....never let go." She said
I almost fell off my chair. I was blind drunk on 3 bottles of wine that I must have consumed the majority of myself.....this woman could see straight through me, what I had been trying to find out myself and yet I still couldn't believe what she had said.
Hugh and I finally said goodnight and as we walked to the elevator I found it very hard to walk on my own...I had only been that drunk twice in my life and yet with Hugh, it was hard to let my inhibitions go and just relax, so alcohol was something that allowed me to breathe.
When we arrived at the suite I felt my body craving for him. We walked into the suite and before the door even clicked shut Hugh pushed me up against the wall, his hands explored my body, sending me into a shiver of delight. His lips touched my neck as he began nibbling on my collar bone. I felt myself becoming excited at his touch. He placed his hands around my stomach and pushed himself against me. I began moaning, knowing that I needed to feel him inside me. I needed to feel his hands on my naked flesh......I NEEDED to be with him so much that it began to hurt. In that split second he placed his hand to the right of my head and placed his head in my neck...." Ava....I love you, please tell me you love me too" he whispered and in that instant, I knew that there was more he needed to say but in my drunken haze.....I felt that it wasn't going to end well.
I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut before vomiting violently. I heard a high banging on the door begging me to let him in until finally, he opened the door.
I felt his cool hands on the back of my neck as he held my hair back...I felt humiliated.....I knew that we would need to talk but I really couldn't have him near me at that moment. I knew that I was vomiting because of the alcohol but it had been brought on by his pressured confession.....I knew that this was going to be a long night......I had so much to say and I wasn't sure how Hugh was going to handle what I had to say to him...Was he ready for what I had in store for him....this was going to determine what happened next between us!