Tonight's confession is one that has taken a bit of time to sit down and write. I am sure those of you who have read the previous confessions would remember that I said there would be times that you would sit there and either love Hugh or hate him...I think that this will be one of those times that you will have to make an opinion based on what happened.
The best way to explain how I felt in the coming events I will describe is by the help of this song: Delta Goodrem - Lost Without You.
I have always been quite innocent when it came to many things, and what happened this night certainly opened my eyes to the world that I find myself in.
After the incredible time that Hugh and I had spent with each other I made the decision to fly into town and see Hugh again.
I had a business meeting and decided I would kill two birds with one stone. I wanted to see him again and after a week I really couldn't stand the distance between us.
I flew into town and stayed in the same apartment as last time. I had never really been worried about Hugh and I being seen out together because I knew that there was nothing to hide.
After my meeting, we had agreed to meet at a hotel for drinks with his friends and then we would go for dinner. I was really excited as I hadn't met any of his friends in his state, so I knew I wanted to make a really good impression. I had met his friends in the city where I lived, but this felt very different.
I arranged a car service to take me to the hotel in the city (as I was staying in an apartment just outside) and arrived 15 minutes earlier than we had planned. I sat in the lobby and sent Hugh a text message just letting him know I was there.
Ten minutes later, he came down the maroon and golden staircase to meet me. I took one look at him and warmth enveloped my heart. I smiled inside and out. I watched him stride confidently across the marble floors towards me in his Armani suit, white collared shirt undone at the top and the way he smiled made me melt within.
I stood up from the sofa and walked over to him. He placed his hand on the small of my back and kissed me sweetly on my lips. I felt the rush of desire building in the pit of my stomach once again.
As we walked up the stairs, turning right at the platform leading to the first floor, I felt so nervous. I was dressed in my white fitted cocktail dress with my black Kardashian Kollection bag dangling from my arm. I shook my hair using my right hand as we walked towards a male and female sitting alone at a table by the bar. I couldn't stop fidgeting. I knew that this was really important to Hugh as this was one of his oldest friends.
When we reached the table, he pulled out the chair for me and introduced me to his friend, who we will call Paul. His female companion was his Assistant, with whom he had flown into town to attend a major boxing match together. I sensed that there was something more going on between them but I later found out that this was not the case and she had a boyfriend back home.
Paul had ordered me a Lychee Martini (Something that I had never had in my life but grew to love very quickly) and placed it in front of me as soon as I sat down. I watched the men talk for quite some time and struck up a very small conversation with Paul's assistant before she was off making business calls.
I was enjoying watching the exchange between the two men and seeing how Hugh interacted with those closest to him. He sat next to me and whilst there wasn't any distance, all I wanted to do was reach out and touch him. Something within me wanted to close the distance.
Paul started addressing me and asking about my work. We had quite a laugh to find that our fields weren't that much different. I could feel Hugh's eyes burning into me as Paul and I spoke but I think it had more to do because he was also wanting to close the gap.
The funny thing is that both Hugh and I love public displays of affection but we know from that first night of PDA's that we both become so overwhelmed that it may not end well for the other parties we are with.
Hugh got up and went to the bathroom, leaving me to talk to Paul on my own. He was a lovely man who actually didn't live that far from me. Moments later, his assistant returned and he excused himself to the bathroom as well.
I knew that they would meet in the bathroom and end up exchanging notes on me....men, they are worse than women, I swear!
His assistant was quite dry, I could not hold an intellectually stimulating conversation with her and therefore, it was like watching paint dry!
When the men returned about ten minutes later (well, it could have been less but it felt like forever), it was like a breath of fresh air had entered the conversation and I found myself laughing with them. We had a few more drinks before Paul and his assistant had to head off to a party which left Hugh and me alone!
We said our farewell's and as I had drunk a little more than I had expected we went straight to the hotel restaurant.
We sat in a booth outside the restaurant and ordered. I had the most incredible chicken salad and found myself sobering up quite quickly.
To our right, we saw a woman sitting on her own and ended up striking up a conversation with the lady who turned out to be American and she was here on business.
We talked for around 2 hours before finishing another three bottles of wine. I did feel a little uncomfortable that she was now sitting at our table and I think I even felt a little jealous that she had Hugh's attention more than I did...Little did I realize that the alcohol I had consumed was fuelling this and when I finally did realize it....my concerns disappeared.
I had been winding Hugh up under the table for the last hour and I could feel the desire burning from his flesh in my direction as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
After 3 hours of dinner and drinks, we decided to call it a night and head back to my apartment. We walked downstairs and headed towards the waiting cabs. I got in the cab and just as Hugh began climbing into the cab, we both couldn't wait any longer to tear each other's clothes off. I saw him spin around to someone calling out his name.....Paul was back!
He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the cab and we went back into the bar with Paul and his assistant.
We sat back at the bar and the men went to the bathroom again. I sat talking with his assistant for another ten minutes until the men returned.
Hugh sat at the head of the table to my right and Paul sat next to me on my left. We had a few more drinks before Hugh walked away to make a call.
Paul and I began talking and he asked about Hugh and me.....well, where was I to begin. I told him that we were really close friends and that I did quite a bit of work with him...I didn't know him well enough to say anything else and I really didn't know what Hugh and I were, so I wasn't willing to say anything that I didn't want to get back to Hugh or that I hadn't told Hugh myself.
Just as Hugh returned, Paul had given me his card and asked if we could talk when we were both in town about the possibility of doing more work together.
Hugh shot daggers at me.
We left shortly after the next drink and climbed into the back of a cab.
I felt the night was a huge success. I felt I had made a fantastic impression on his friend and thought this would make Hugh endlessly happy.
On the way back to the apartment we sat in silence. The passion and desire we felt earlier had dissipated and I felt an icy chill between us.
I pulled out my phone and began texting a friend of mine when Hugh turned to me and shot, "Are you texting your new best friend, Paul!".
I immediately stopped what I was doing and looked at him with a "WTF" look before saying NO I was texting a friend back home.
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him with such force I felt a little concerned.
"DON'T get involved with him." He said with a look that told me I had better pay attention.
I was concerned with how angry he was but I couldn't understand why. I tried to pull my wrist away but he held on tighter.
I looked at him with a pleading look and he apologised, releasing my wrist. I rubbed it hard as it was stinging from his grip.
"Im so sorry, He just isn't stable"
"What do you mean?"
"It's nothing" he replied.
"I did think it was strange that he was going to the bathroom a lot"
"It's just a little coke" he replied nonchalantly.
"What!" I almost yelled.
He looked at me with pure shock on his face.
"Don't tell me you haven't done it" he said almost laughing.
"Never!" I responded with pure honesty.
He turned his entire body to me and responded almost laughing but extremely shocked.
"Are you serious? In your line of work you have never had a line?!" He said seriously blown away.
"Never, I have seen it but it has never interested me" I replied
"Wow you really are my little innocent, aren't you" he responded.
Things went silent as my mind went into overdrive. I couldn't believe that the man I found to be the most incredible man of my life has done drugs and had probably done drugs right under my nose. I couldn't accuse him of it as I hadn't witnessed it but I had a feeling that is why they went to the bathroom at the same time. I didn't know how to even begin that line of questioning and before I had the chance, he spoke.
"Baby...promise me this. If you ever decide to try it....tell me, I will get it for you, you will only do it with me and I will know where it is made, what is in it and I can monitor you. Promise me this!" He said with a tone that I couldn't argue.
"I promise" I said knowing full well that this was never going to happen. I did not want to do coke ever!
My heart ached a little more that night as I lay next to him in bed after we had made love. I wasn't fully there. I loved this man with my heart, mind, body and soul and yet I was so confused by not knowing if he had taken drugs and if so, WHY? I felt like I wanted to curl into a ball away from him to get some clear headspace. I wondered if he did drugs if it was a once-off, how often it happened and then every other little concern began popping into my head...I was so against drugs and yet the thought of him taking it didn't break his spell on me. I felt jealousy and anger from him that I had never felt before. I wasn't scared for my safety as I knew in my heart that he would NEVER do anything to me but I was scared as to where it had come from....was it the drugs? If so, then was this just the beginning or was this a once-off? I wondered what it was going to take to make me walk away if and when I wanted to....because although he had never done it in front of me, it made me wonder about a lot of things that were left unsaid between us...I knew then that I needed to get some answers...I knew then that there was a lot I didn't know about him.....but I was going to find out!