Let's be fair: relationships and expectations come hand in hand. We set our standards, priorities, and though they change with time, there are certain things you should expect from your partner.
If your standards are too high, you are missing some memorable moments, and your love life will never be fulfilling. If you do set your bar too low, you won't get what you deserve. Hence, you won't truly feel all the good that comes from a healthy relationship.
It's like in that fairytale about a girl and three bears. You know the story, she breaks into a house and uses food and accommodations from papa bear, mama bear, and cube. But the girl knew what felt right, and you should be like her. Except, if you do find yourself among bears, play dead. But this isn't survival.
Accept that relationship takes work from both sides, and your expectations should always match your partner's. But, what are those expectations we're talking about?
It's about time to cut to the chase and start the ultimate guide to what makes a healthy relationship: expectations!
What are the reasonable expectations in a relationship?
Answering what you should expect from your partner ultimately answers another big question: What are the five most essential things in a relationship.
Of course, love's the base, the main ingredient, but it's not enough. That takes us to other things, much less romantic, in which you have to have to create a mental note of what to expect from your partner to have it all.
Do Expectations ruin relationships?
That is the reason why you need to be realistic about your expectations. If you set the bar too high, it will ruin your relationship. finding the right balance is about letting each other grow together and as individuals.
It includes a list of all good things, resulting in getting hurt since with every healthy relationship, you're risking heartbreak.
Expectations do not ruin anything, but people do. You cannot merely leave by the rules, nor can you go with the flow. It would be best to have a plan, communication, and ways to adapt to new sets of expectations in a relationship since it's always changing.
If you aren't both in it, then you're not creating anything other than a toxic environment. Love and everything it includes is a mixture of all various things, which make a union, a sense of belonging.
1. Honesty is the best policy
You can't have a healthy relationship without honesty. Yet, we keep putting on rose-tinted glasses on our partners, and even with our best intentions, we give them a hard time.
I hate the term "serious relationship" but it fits the honesty part of it. Things are serious because you're no longer thinking only about yourself. And the most honest and open you are, the better chances you have of surviving this thing called life as a couple.
The most common unrealistic expectations are about honesty. But here's the thing: there's no grey area. If you don't tell your partner every single part of your life, especially before meeting them, that doesn't have to be a big deal.
If you're hiding something while convincing yourself that you are doing it for their own good, that's BS. What's truly sad is that partners often don't feel as if they can reveal something important about themselves, and for many, it is the struggle with mental health, including eating disorders.
2. Support, since you play for the same team
Expectations tend to create a certain level of control, but in reality, only the unrealistic expectation will ruin what you have.
Your partner can't read your mind, but you can say what's on your mind and "demand" their support. Not ask, because a loving relationship is about having each other's backs.
That support grows with the amount of time you spend together. But remember that your partner isn't your therapist, nor can they leave their lives aside. Be reasonable with expectations, and you will gain your lover's respect.
The more you think about it, the more you realize that a healthy relationship is a puzzle, and love is only one piece.
3. Intimacy awakens your souls
What truly is hot has not much to do with your sex life. Well, it could be, but it's just a tiny bit of the whole package called intimacy.
When you know that your lover is your friend, confidante, emotional rock, and you get orgasms from the partnership, it's like hitting the jackpot.
Intimacy does something to your soul, creates that invisible bond, which deepens your emotions. It allows you to be yourself, yet to be free to lose in your loved one.
4. Without trust, there is no love
You've heard this one at least a million times before. Still, people are afraid to express themselves first, so you're sitting and waiting for the other person to speak up. And you drift away.
If you have trust issues, that's ok, but you need to work through it together. However, if you don't understand the importance of trust, you'll end up in one very unhealthy, almost obsessive relationship.
Trust is more than sleeping with someone else. It's about protecting your heart, your finances, your future. It's scary, and yet; you need to take that leap.
Expect your partner to trust you, and you'll create something magical simply because others are too afraid to surrender and do what has to be done to have a loving, adult relationship.
5. Respect each other's boundaries
One of the best relationship advice is to create boundaries. It is utterly unromantic, but it's what makes a long-lasting relationship.
The moment you realize you're about to cross that invisible line, and turn a healthy argument into a toxic mess, pull the brakes. And don't play "say when" because you will end up hurting each other.
So how do you create those invisible emotional boundaries? Communicate, tell your partner which things you think are too much for you, and your breaking point. Have that conversation sooner rather than later.
Be self-aware, know your worth, and respect that your partner's wishes. Everything about relationships, romantic, business or friendly, is a two-way street, and that's one of the most important things you have to learn as soon as you start adulting.
6. Be flexible with setting expectations
Cheating, lying, that's off-limits. But, being flexible with setting expectations implies that your partner might have a bad day or cannot always have the capacity and energy to listen to your problems.
It's another old story about picking your battles. If you expect your partner to be always 100 unconditionally there for you, the bar's too high. Not because they don't love you, but because they need their time to reset, and it doesn't have anything to do with you.
Remember, you are two separate souls, individuals, so you don't have to do everything together.
7. Sense of freedom
You should feel like you can do whatever you want, but you choose to do what you need instead. Because you are free, yet your partnership comes first.
Reasonably expect to spend most of your free tie together, but let each other have your alone time. There's absolute pressure on couples to do everything together, and that's not a way to be in a loving relationship.
It's not about the amount of time you spend together each day, but about the quality.
And freedom continues into the world of your finances, decision making, business plans, every pore of your life. You are free to do what you like, yet your priority is to keep your relationship healthy. Hence, you want to make decisions as a part of a team.
8. Communication, what else
Did you think we should skip at the very core of human existence? Since we have words and know how to use them, this one is a no-brainer.
A serious relationship means serious talks about everything and anything. But, above all, communication is to listen and accept your partner's words.
Once you master that, you'll master the art of having everything you never knew you needed in a relationship.
9. Security blanket
It's perfectly reasonable to expect that you get security from your relationship.
You may not want a hero, but everyone needs to be saved from time to time. And everyone gets to be the saver once in a while.
It may be something tiny, but you'll recognize that moment where all you needed was safety, and your partner provided it for you.
10. Except to be amazed
Laughing at each other, teasing, enjoying things you never cared for, that's what makes a relationship stand out.
So, prepare to be amazed, and expect to be swept off your feet. Not every day, but on certain planned or unplanned occasions.
If someone cares, they will let do the impossible to make you feel all that they have to offer. And if they're the one, you won't think twice. You'll do the same to make their life better.
So, yeah, it's okay to expect to be amazed, from time to time!
As you learn about each other and progress as a unit, you will quickly get to the point where you won't see expectations as a burden. Respect, date nights, even having a sense of what on your lover's mind, that all a package deal.
And we call all that love. So, no, love, as one emotion, standing on its own, is not enough. But when you crown it with healthy, reasonable expectations, it's spectacular!