We all have choices. Our reality is largely based on the decisions we execute. Each choice that is made leaves an emotion behind. Sometimes that is joyful. Sometimes it is heart wrenching. Sometimes that one decision haunts us forever.
Nevertheless one of the endless beautiful components of this life is our free will. The choice to act on opportunities and situations molds the life we live. The hard truth is when it comes to most romantic relationships you are living the life you allow. If you don’t like it, make a different decision.
Relationships can be tricky, magical, and difficult at times.
But a relationship should never be a draining career of sorts where the bad days incessantly outweigh the good. Each situation is unique, circumstances vary. Some people are stuck in toxic relationships for various reasons. And all too often one of those is fear for their own safety. However, if you are an individual that always goes back to your toxic person with bright eyes and a giddy gallop: no, I don’t feel sorry for you. Especially if you are in a situation you are able to walk away, you just don’t want to.
When you are in a position where this twisted idea of love is just your personal preference, don’t use me as a therapeutic outlet. No, I don’t want to receive your phone calls barely translatable through your tears because they once again took a stab at your self worth.
No, I don’t want to receive the picture of the flowers on your table after they’ve had yet another episode. No, I don’t want to receive memes exemplifying the liberation of being single when you actively make the choice to chain yourself to a toxic person for reasons beyond my comprehension generates a better euphoria for you than that of self respect.
Do not tell me:
“You don’t understand”
On the contrary, I do understand. I relate more than I would care to admit. I’ve made the similar mindless decisions, pleaded the same statements, and cried wolf one too many times just as you are. Most of the people that you invite into your relationship have as well. What is not understood is the why. Especially coming from individuals who have maybe not walked in your particular style of shoes but walked in the same brand sporting the label that is toxic romance.
“You don’t know them like I do”
You are absolutely correct. I do not know them like you do. To be quite frank, I wish I didn’t know them at all. Every interaction where I am forced to be in the presence of your partner leaves me with bite marks on my tongue to physically refrain myself from relaying and exposing the garbage human I think they are. I only did this for the sake of the loyalty and friendship I had with you.
“It’s not that bad”
No description pertaining to a romantic relationship should ever utter the adjective “bad.” A relationship should be your safe place, your happy place, and an engagement with more smiles than the muscles in your cheeks know how to handle.
“It’s just complicated, love always is”
Newsflash: it’s not complicated. It’s actually rather simple. You’re making it complicated because severing the attachment you have to this person is an adaption to change you don’t want to delve into. Love contrary to a popular bullshit theory should be easy a large percentage of the time.
My well of sympathy has finally run dry.
I have exerted my utmost effort and support to be there and to help you. But when I only hear from you when it’s in need of favor or venting about the same issues, I’ve reached a point where I can’t be complicit any longer. When all the hours of advice you heeded from me is followed by you doing the complete opposite, I have nothing left to say. When my concern is repeatedly met with an array of defensive backlashes, I raise my white flag. What the say is true, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. My heart breaks to see you in pain. But it is pain leaving marks you are choosing, just like a tattoo.
So, when the phone rings with the intentions of a vent session, I won’t pick up. The SnapChat messages intended for secrecy as they disappear about the latest unspeakable act of emotional destruction that is followed with the infamous lie: “This time, I am done. I mean it.” The messages begging me to pick you up in the middle of the night, will be reciprocated with nothing more than, “I’m sorry, I can’t.” I can no longer enable your choices to tolerate how you are treated and how you treat me as a result of your scorned heart.
Although it may not seem like it, this is out of love. It is out of hope that it forces you to break a cycle even if that is simply not having me as a source of validation. To stop turning a blind eye to the wreckage your relationship has created within yourself and so many other aspects of your life.
I will leave you with this: take a moment to realize the depth of this “love” and attachment that consumes you. Entertain for just a moment the idea of how deep a love could be with someone who used their words and actions as a shield for your heart, instead of this weapon you’ve mistaken as protection.