I can already tell that you guys are rolling your eyes at me. And yet, you clicked on the article, so you’re ready to be convinced.
Well, I’m only too happy to oblige in reminding everyone repesent that there is a Person for everyone out there. Not necessarily a one-size-fits-all soulmate that aligns perfectly with every aspect of your being, but you don’t even know yourself yet, how could we expect someone else to?
What I’m saying is, we’ve all been so enduringly taught to subscribe to the need to find flaws in ourselves. Basically, any deviation from what has been established as the norm (straight white, rich male) is painted unalterably as a flaw. Sometimes, the flaw can be fixed; solved with some capitalistic consumption and confidence. Other times, however, we absorb into our personality a defence mechanism whereby we can protect ourselves with self-deprecating humour and a tendency towards isolating ourselves when things get hard.
As a result of all of this, many of us have been conditioned to view our flaws as things people can use against us. Weaknesses that make us unloveable or undesirable, or fundamentally unworthy.
Hang tight, dear readers, because I’m about to go on a deep dive into everyone’s diary entries from 2012 to present…
“I’m not good enough. Attractive enough. No one will ever know me. No one will ever love me”
Sound familiar? Don’t worry, we all had that grunge emo phase where the world didn’t make sense and we didn’t know who or what we were in relation to the big machine of socio-economic players. To be quite frank, I probably don’t fully know who I am even today. What I do know, is that love is out there, always.
It’s not a finite resource, the fact that other people, with different traits than you have it, doesn’t mean that it’s not there for you too. Like Karl Marx said, ‘seize the means of love’. Well, something like that. I didn’t major in economics, lol. But you get my drift.
That’s all well and good saying it, but how do you know?
A quick and easily googleable statistic for you guys: there are approximately 7.7 billion people in the world.
Depending on which way you swing, your geographical location, and sexual orientation, you’ve got a few billion at your disposal. Yes, you can’t see all of them or know or even conceive of such a huge number, but it’s good news. When we feel alone or unloveable, we would do well to remember that in a batting average out of that many people, all of whom are looking for love just like we are, we’re bound to hit a few home runs.
You probably have a few stadiums worth of people that would love to get to know you. We are just taught from day one that unless you look like 90s Jennifer Anniston, it’s a no go. Well, my friends, most of us don’t look like 2019 Jen, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But yet, people still find love. People open their hearts and are willing to fall flat on their face and get hurt because they know it’s worth it.
Two facts: life is hard. Love is hard. But both are endurable with support.
Even if you think you don’t have a person that would drop everything for you, you do. Simple as. Your mother, father, grandparents or cousins. Friends. Co-workers. People on the street. Even if you don’t believe me, support hotlines are available, so are resources on the internet.
I suppose that the point I’m building to here is that everyone feels worthless at some point in their life. Maybe it’s because we don’t feel productive. Well, what does being ‘productive’ even mean? It’s just a way for capitalism to keep us in place and organise our leisure time. To convince us that our problems can be solved by consuming more goods and services. A means of control, therefore, is convincing us that we aren’t good enough.
Here’s the kicker though: if everyone feels loveless and incapable of love, how are so many people happily in relationships? Everyone is insecure about themselves, but we’re all much more complimentary and forgiving to everyone else around us.
Therefore, if everyone is willing to forgive the perceived imperfections of people around us, then we’re all worthy of love. We know if we’re ready to be in a relationship, yet we don’t recognise that other people are the same.
They are ready to fall in love with us, we just need to give them the chance.
We also decimate our own self worth in the way we dismiss our talents – the very talents that everyone around us can see, clear as day. We forget that not everyone can write as well as we can, or that people can’t memorise facts just at the drop of a hat. Indeed, all of the skills in the humanities or arts seem to be ignored as just basic skills, or things that we all should have anyway.
Moreover, in areas where we may be less talented or capable, it’s viewed as a flaw or framed as though we are unintelligent. In reality, different people offer different things, but certain scientific or mathematical skills are just valued more highly than others.
But note that everyone wants different things.
Therefore, it stands to reason that, even though you may express your emotions or affection in a certain way, other people might be sending you signals of interest right back but you just don’t recognise them for what they are. As such, we are blinded by our own perceptions.
But the perception that we aren’t valid isn’t our perception at all. It’s foisted upon us. Leave that behind, friends.
Let me put the matter to bed, once and for all.
You are worthy of being loved, and you will be. Period