To The Guy Who Dated Me Even Though He Was Not Over His Ex

It was a lengthy process for me to comprehend and come to terms with the fact that our relationship didn't end due to any fault of mine, but because you were not yet over your ex. Though there were moments when our relationship was blissful and I don't have any regrets about it, eventually, I couldn't evade the impending dark cloud hovering over us any longer, and we had to part ways.

1. If you're still heartbroken over her, I can't stay to fix you

Experiencing a broken heart is a terrible feeling, and there's always a period of mourning after ending a relationship, regardless of how terrible things became in the end. I understand that. However, what's not acceptable is your lack of complete transparency and honesty regarding your emotional state when we began spending time together.

2. Just because you're sad doesn't mean you have the right to drag me down with you

I prolonged my stay in the relationship, which didn't benefit me in any way. As I became more emotionally invested, you became more withdrawn, and held resentment towards me for not being similar to your ex. Fortunately, I recognized it sooner than later that you were still recovering from your past relationship. You require space to heal independently, without my presence.

3. I'm a good listener, but I'm not your therapist

I've been there for you, lending a sympathetic ear and an open heart to your tales about your previous relationship - what went wrong, who was to blame, how it ended, how your traits matched up, and where they didn't. But there comes a limit, and it eventually became overwhelming. While I acknowledge that being an attentive listener is a commendable trait, it's time for you to seek a therapist who can be paid to listen to your grievances.

4. I'm not your ex and shouldn't be compared to her

Listen up, pal - your ex-girlfriend and I are entirely distinct individuals. Our looks and personalities are both uniquely ours. I couldn't care less about the times you compared me to her and said that you never argued with her as you do with me. That's your issue, not mine. Using past relationship experiences with someone else to harm me only made me want to leave. Every time you brought up her name, you completely disregarded my emotions, which is not how you treat someone you genuinely care for.

5. Just because you're insecure about things from your past relationship doesn't mean you can take those out on me

I understand that you entered my life with some significant emotional baggage. But, let's face it - we all have some skeletons in our closet, so I'm not here to pass judgment. However, the colossal error you made was holding onto those past insecurities. It's like when you love an apartment, but the landlord won't allow pets merely because the prior tenant didn't take care of the place. Don't be that landlord - ever - in any relationship you have.

6. I will never discount the importance of having the serious talk too soon

Honestly, I was attempting to be the easy-going, carefree new girl in your life. I recognized that we both liked each other, but we neglected to have "The Talk." Why did that happen? Was I scared of appearing too needy or risking the relationship ending prematurely? The reality is that I caught feelings, and that's that. Regardless of whether I told myself that I'd be hurt if you left or not, I would have been, and I needed to own up to that. In the future, I'll be straightforward from the start.

7. Deep down, I knew you were emotionally unavailable, but you weren't honest about that

As I previously stated, although I believed that everything was going reasonably well (not fantastic, but good enough to continue and see where it led), and we were doing all the usual dating activities, there was a lack of complete honesty. I now realize that while you enjoyed my company, you were never entirely straightforward about your struggles. I could disregard the minor issues, but I will never again underestimate the importance of asking a man for candid, detailed information about what's on his mind.

8. If you don't make me your priority, or if your actions suddenly change, something's not right

At the start of our relationship, you consistently made an effort to make me happy and prioritize spending time with me, even with our busy schedules. However, things suddenly changed, and without any explanation, you stopped reaching out and started behaving coldly. By that point, I had already invested a lot in the relationship, so it was tough to determine the root of the issue. I've learned my lesson and will never again attempt to save a relationship where a guy's ex is the reason for the disconnect. Screw that.