Hey you. I know you. I’ve known you forever. And I know you’ve always been on this crazy quest for love. The kind of love that I have, the kind of love our mother has. It’s all you’ve ever wanted – to find your forever person. 

But here you are again, heart-broken, wounded, worse than ever. 

And here I am, asking you to stop. 

Ever since you first started dating, you’ve been like this. You find a guy you like and you become him. If he likes something, you like something. You take his opinions and share them as yours. You ditch your friends to be with his. 

You become him, in a word. 

And so far, you’ve had so many personalities I can’t even count them. 

For a while, it was just plain fun. But the last two times you had a boyfriend, it was hell. The last time, you barely got out of there alive. We all fought to save you. And now you are trying it again. 

But for once in your life, please focus on yourself. 

Learn about that amazing person you are. Ask yourself what you truly like. What kind of food do you like to eat? What’s your favorite drink? What’s your song? How do you like your coffee? What kind of movies do you like?

I know you think you know, but you don’t. Your personality right now is a mish mash of other people’s preferences. You need to find yourself. You need to be who you truly are.

Find your passion in life. You can suck at it as much as you want, but you have to love it, it has to make your heart dance. And it can’t be a man. 

Take care of yourself, for once. This is the time when you learn to heal. Take up space in your own bed, stretch to every corner of your life, take up the most space in your own heart. Depend on yourself for a while. 

You don’t need a man to give you compliments, tell yourself how beautiful you are. Because darling, you are so beautiful. Even after all of those heartbreaks, you are soft and open to love. I adore that about you. 

But you have to value yourself more, value the second chances that you give and give them to the right people. The people that want to love you as you are, not as their vision of you. Stand firmly in your shoes. 

Make this part of your life solely about you. You have that chance now.

Your journey doesn’t have to be about finding love. It can be about finding yourself. And I guarantee you, it’s the most amazing journey you’ll ever take.