Lisa Pontius dared to broach a subject most people would rather avoid by sharing her polarizing parenting opinions on TikTok. She is a 33-year-old stay-at-home mom from South Carolina, and she strongly believes that the 'roof over your head' idea is unhealthy and manipulative.
Kids Owe Their Parents Nothing
Lisa got on TikTok and made a post she labeled, "Kids Don't Owe Their Parents Anything." Her opinions resulted in the video going viral, and very soon, it had more than 5 million viewers.
Before the video, Lisa had gotten into controversy with people who criticized her for revealing that she had set boundaries with her own mother. In these people's opinion, Lisa should be "grateful" for all her mother has done for her.
This was the issue she sought to address with her new video, in which she explained:
"Children don't owe their parents a certain kind of relationship, depending on the parent, they might not owe them respect, either."
However, that latter part applies to when the children turn into adults.
It's The Parent's Job To Provide
As far as Lisa knows, a parent should provide for the children. However, not every parent achieves this, although it should be pretty basic to cater to your kid's physical and financial needs.
Once these needs are addressed, the parent should ensure that the children's emotional needs are met, and only good parents can offer this. Lisa insisted that these needs should not be conditional:
"You're not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever your say as adults."
Lisa ended the video by saying that children are "people." For that reason, "they don't owe you shit because you took care of them."
Many People Supported Lisa's Opinions
After making these bold statements, many people commented on Lisa's video, and many were backing her up. Many expressed their frustration because many of their parents (older generations) did not share this opinion.
The media also tried to contact Lisa to hear more about her viral popular parenting opinions.
She clarified that she and her husband loved raising their kids, but she did not feel that the kids owe her anything after becoming adults simply because she gave birth to them.
She only had one wish as a parent:
"Hopefully by that point, I will have earned their admiration and respect by the relationship we have built, but that's not a guarantee."
She Warned Parents About How They Treat Their Kids
Lisa noted that some parents use fear and authoritarianism to bring up their kids. She had an important question for such misguided parents:
"... who in their adult life wants to maintain a close relationship with a dictator or someone who emotionally manipulates you."
However, not everyone agreed with Lisa's opinions, especially older generations who tried to explain to her that children owe their parents respect no matter how they were raised. To Lisa, such opinions are "naive and unrealistic."
She does not understand why parents should get a "participation trophy" for housing or keeping children clean. To Lisa, the 'roof over your head' argument is manipulative.
The reason she thinks so is that these people would still have a place to live even if they did not have children.
"A kid isn't a freeloading roommate, they're your dependent and your responsibility."
What About Healthy Boundaries Between Parents And Their Children?
Lisa was also asked to address the issue of boundaries between kids and parents. On her part, she maintains a healthy relationship with her parents.
She explained that having communication about boundaries is important to avoid any issues.
"Boundaries can be small things, like asking someone to call before coming over or asking visitors not to kiss your new baby."
However, some boundary issues are more serious. Nevertheless, the goal should be to cultivate a relationship that upholds the mental health or happiness of all parties.
Lisa's hope is that parents of young kids understand how delicate the relationship between them and their kids is.
Young parents should remember that the children will grow up one day, and at that time, they will decide if they want the parents around or not.
According to Lisa, these parents should hope that by the time the kids are adults, they will have a reason to want them around.
So, those are Lisa's opinions, and many people seem to agree with her. What do you think of her "no-strings-attached" parenting approach?