Who knew! The anxiety I am suffering through is someone else’s handiwork. I am not the problem as I previously thought. No. Instead, I am anxious all the time because of someone I gave my trust and love to.
I was lost in my own world where warnings from family and friends fell on deaf years. I never for one moment thought he could be the issue.
But now, the truth is very clear to me. I was mistreated, and it took me a while to acknowledge that I was living with a heartless narcissist.
He managed to convince me that he was the best thing that could ever happen to me. But on the other hand, he was beating my emotional side to a pulp.
He had quite a selection of manipulative and abusive tactics, and that made it harder to pinpoint how he was responsible for the misery in my life.
On some level, I knew that something was wrong. But I was not ready to accept that at all.
But there is one thing I noticed – my anxiety kept getting worse over time.
We had many battles, and in many of them, the person I lost was myself. Here is a look at how I ended up with anxiety.
1. His manipulative and exploitative behavior added to my anxiety
Narcissists can be so manipulative, and I am telling you this from experience.
He always found a way to blame me for everything. He even convinced me I was the crazy one, and I felt undeserving of love. Over time, these feelings changed who I was.
And how could It not? I was in a relationship with someone who did not care at all about me.
2. My anxiety was caused by getting gaslighted
Things either went his way or no way, and I never had the strength to fight back. And how could I? I loved him and I never wanted to hurt him. So, even when I could not do what he said, my anxiety mounted since I was hurt.
3. His dominance and silent treatment made me anxious
After a disagreement, I got the silent treatment. It was his way of making me think of what I had done, and often, I ended up apologizing.
He was draining me, and he had no regard for my feelings. To him, I was the problem, and he was always the victim.
Although he was using me as he liked, I had an unexplainable love for him. I would have loved to change him, but that would never happen.
4. His lack of empathy added to my anxiety
I knew his behavior was toxic and I told him so. But he would never accept it. He was not going to change who he was. He cared for no one’s opinions but his own, and not once did he mention respecting or cherishing me. He could not accept that he had caused by anxiety.
5. He made me feel like the crazy one, and that made me anxious
With him, I kept my opinions to myself out of fear that I would offend him. If I attempted to express my opinion, the consequences would be dire. So, I sucked it up.
But the truth is that I would have been better off if I had let him go way back.
6. Isolation from family and friends added to my anxiety
It was part of his plan, I know this now. He made sure that I was isolated from my family and friends, and he became my world. I focused on making him happy, but he kept abusing me, and that heightened my anxiety.
Anyway, these are just part of the horrible things I went through at the hands of this narcissist I called a partner. I did everything within my power to keep him around. But today, I know he is the reason behind my severe anxiety and depression. Luckily, I ended things with him, because nobody deserves what I was put through. I know that the right person for me would never put me through this. I cried to the point of losing my mind over these narcissistic horrors.