Recent research conducted by Brigham Young University suggests that our understanding of how to end a romantic relationship may be flawed. Although we may believe we know how to dump someone, the study indicates that we may not be as knowledgeable as we think. However, the researchers have identified the most effective method to break up with a partner, which is to be completely honest and straightforward. This approach has been found to be highly effective, and there are compelling reasons why it should be considered the best strategy.
1. We should use one cliche
In the words of study author Alan Manning, it's acceptable to begin with the common phrase "we need to talk" as it signals that negative news is forthcoming. It's reasonable, as it would be unpleasant if our significant other suddenly said, "I'm breaking up with you right now" while we were having a good time. We require some time to comprehend that things have altered and that a genuine conversation is about to occur.
2. We tend to be selfish AF
The study highlights that when ending a relationship, we tend to drag it out by being overly talkative, expressing kind sentiments, and delaying the actual point. While we may believe this is to spare our partner's feelings, it's really a selfish act to alleviate our guilt. Thus, it's better to be direct and honest from the outset of the conversation for the benefit of our partner.
3. We've been breaking up totally wrong
This study reveals that we've been struggling to communicate our feelings effectively when it comes to ending relationships. We tend to avoid being honest and straightforward, resorting to unhelpful phrases and failing to provide proper explanations, resulting in a more uncomfortable and distressing experience. However, with this newfound knowledge, we can strive to improve our communication in the future.
4. There's no easy way out
When ending a relationship, we attempt to minimize the pain for both ourselves and our partner. However, a breakup is never easy and is inherently unpleasant. This lesson can apply to any challenging situation in life: rather than attempting to change it, we must face it head-on and persevere through it.
5. Being obvious is important
We often resort to making excuses and attributing work as the cause for breaking up with someone. This leads the other person to believe that the issue is temporary and that the relationship will return to normal when work calms down. However, this is usually not the case and can result in confusion and hurt feelings.
6. We should explain ourselves
When being honest about breaking up with our partner, it's crucial to communicate the exact reasons for ending the relationship. This is an essential aspect of a proper breakup, and the study suggests being "fairly brutal," which includes providing reasons for the breakup. Why are we hesitant to tell our significant other that we've grown apart, or that we feel like we're living separate lives, or that we suspect they're cheating? We've already decided to end things, so it's essential to be as honest as possible.
7. Being considerate is key too
The study found that participants valued consideration when receiving bad news. While we might assume that being gentle and letting someone down easy is considerate, in reality, honesty is the kindest approach. It's important to communicate the reasons clearly so that the other person doesn't spend a prolonged time wondering what went wrong. Providing honesty upfront allows them to move on without confusion or uncertainty.
8. We need to put ourselves in the other person's shoes
Most of us have experienced being dumped at least once, and it's usually worse when our partner struggles to articulate their reasons. We wish they would be honest and end things quickly and painlessly. When it's our turn to end a relationship, we should consider what our partner would want to hear and how they would want it to go. It's likely that they would prefer a quick and straightforward approach.
9. We need to let ourselves off the hook
Even when we know that ending a relationship is the right decision, we often feel guilty about it. We may stay in unhappy relationships for years longer than we should. But the truth is, we have every right to be happy and to leave a relationship that isn't working for us. Let's stop beating ourselves up and feeling like the worst person ever just because we're ending things. After all, science tells us that honesty is the best policy, so we might as well listen and do what's best for ourselves.