As a parent, you can't help but wonder what your kids get into when you are not around. You often ask yourself why they have to be so messy.
Why do they have to take everything out of its place and leave it lying around?
I Believed They Made Messes Because They Were Still Learning, Playing, And Exploring
But when I thought deeper on the subject, I came to a different conclusion. They must be trying to make their external worlds match their internal chaos.
Children who have been through trauma have the worst of it. With chaos in their minds and without a means to express what they truly feel in words, their only option is to demonstrate what they think in actions.
They cannot relate to a world that is well-ordered, calm or predictable. It does not feel real to them.
What they can understand is chaos. And they have trouble understanding what benefits rules have to offer.
They Cannot Tell The Difference Between Love And Pain
Yes, even when the painful situation is taken away. What they understand is chaos.
So, when you take a kid who was abused and neglected and think that giving them a perfectly peaceful environment is what will fix them, you might be missing the bigger picture.
You are literally turning their worlds upside down. Don't count on them liking it at all.
Some might heal and become well-adjusted. But for others, the damage is too big, and the opposite happens. You can awaken the demons that lurk in their minds, making them go out of their way to create chaos because that is the only world they understand.
There are even kids who are doomed to this situation for good, especially those with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
The Neglect And Trauma Often Causes Mental Damage
For these kids, a calm, controlled environment can bring about feelings of anger. They react negatively to kindness, cleanliness, and order in all its forms.
They feel at home when everything is going wrong, and they get angrier when you "understand them" and fail to react emotionally to their destructive behaviors.
Getting rewarded for good behavior might be torture to such kids. They want chaos around them, and they want everyone to feel the chaos.
Traumatized Kids Are Miserable, And They Want The Misery To Go Around
And the saddest thing is that these kids might never rid themselves of the tendencies. Although they might learn to get along with others in adulthood and seem normal, the desire for disorder might never leave them.
Studies have shown that some of these kids are lagging when it comes to mental development. They get stuck at an age where kids generally make a mess of everything around them.
The brain stops growing, and no behavioral modifications, medications, and environmental changes can help them.
People Look At Such Kids And Expect Them To Be "Normal"
They may look so, but their minds are different.
And so, the next time you see a kid throwing a tantrum, making a mess, and trying to make life hell for everyone, apparently on purpose, hold your judgment. You might be looking at a victim of childhood mental trauma.