Just when we thought the world can’t get any weirder, someone out there goes and launches a giant, cuddly penis pillow.
It’s officially cuffing season, but it doesn’t mean you need a man to warm you throughout the night. And if a bottle of hot water wasn’t doing the trick, you can now buy a four-foot-long ‘Willy Pillow’ to see you through the cold winter nights.
If willies are your thing, they can be perfect. They have pretty important roles, biologically, and if you remove the ‘sexy times’ from the picture and make them hundreds of times larger than the ‘natural size,’ they are the perfect shapes for cuddling.
The manufacture of this giant, penis-shaped pillow claims that the novelty cushion, named Pierre, is here to keep you warm in the cold nights.
The adorable ‘Willy Pillow’ is being made and sold by Firebox, and the cuddly penis is “quite possibly the biggest d*** in the world, jumbo Pierre will keep you warm on long lonely nights for as long as you need him.”
The Pierre initially was a bit smaller, but Firebox listened to the cries of its customers. Shoppers wanted him to be ‘much, much bigger.’
The bigger, better, and cuddly Pierre has been dubbed the ‘Jumbo Pierre Penis Body Pillow” on Firebox’s website.
And the manufacture’s product description reads:
“You weren’t satisfied with regular Pierre. Even Giant Pierre wasn’t enough. And it’s not even worth mentioning the World’s Smallest Pierre. You like it large, we get that. So we’ve supersized everyone’s favorite adorable penis just to suit you.”
“Only he’s not so adorable anymore. Don’t worry, he’s still got his cute little face, just on a much much bigger appendage. He must have been flaccid before because now he’s four feet of pure magnificent shaft.”
The Pierre body pillow is all you need to keep yourself warm this winter, and it has a colored baby pink with an adorable antimasque face. And unlike most phallic objects in stores, Pierre has been created for cuddling only.
Surprisingly, the Jumbo Pierre is so famous that one is selling every two hours on the retailer’s website. So, if you wish to get your hands on this adorable cuddly ‘Willy Pillow,’ you better act fast.
In an interview, Ben Redhead, Head of Buying at Firebox.com, said:
“Firebox has a total of six penis-related gifts in its Top 100 products this year, averaging one bought every 1 hour and 45 minutes.”
“Following on from this trend for all things phallic, we’re hoping to satisfy the customer’s appetite for Pierre once and for all with this brand new giant version!”
Unfortunately, Firebox’s Pierre Penis Pillow isn’t among the cheapest products out there, but we guess you get the most out of your money.
If you want to snuggle Pierre in his Jumbo size, it’ll set you back $48.79 (£39.99)
You can also buy the smaller Pierre pillows, one for $18.95 (£14.99) and another costing $24.43 (£19.99). The price depends on the size
The online retailer also sells a collection of other intriguing products, such as a £20 doormat that reads “Sashay Away,” and pillows covered with an image of your face for £19.99.