This Dickhead Spent 45 Minutes Choosing A Craft Beer In A Off-License


A local guy from Dublin, with a penchant for "only the finest" and most "ridiculous named craft beers," spent nearly 45 minutes in a local off-license store agonizing which craft bear to place in his shopping basket.

Gary Penrose, 28-year-old, was seen strolling over the Beer Section trying to figure out which is the best craft beer in the store to carry home, WWN revealed.

Penrose's personality and self-worth are so firmly wrapped up in craft beer appreciation that he can't just buy any beer on a special offer. So, on this particular day, he was undecided which craft beer to purchase and ended up spending almost 45 minutes trying to choose the right one.


Clutching a 330ml can of Witches Sperm Spikey IPA, whose label indicated they were the sort of no-bullshit craft beer with a solemn personality, similar to other 97 brands on the shelves, Penrose confessed:

"I read the back of the labels and everything, just so I look like I proper expert."

"This one has a nice design and label, but this one is 9%. I don't know which one makes me look cooler. Please help me."


Penrose pleaded, appearing to be frozen on the one spot, completely unable to decide on a purchase, that other people at the store could label him a "f**king loser who doesn't know the first thing about beer but just wants to look cool because that's still important to him despite his age."

He added:

"I mean, that's entirely true, but I don't want other people to know that."

Sometimes a bottle of beer is the more appropriate drink for the moment. The varieties of these beverages are even more complicated than wine. Choosing the right beer can mostly depend on the moment or the occasion in question.


Finishing a beautiful summer day walk with friends seems to scream out for a triumphant beer. Some claim that the current penchant for craft beers could be making us feel guilty for enjoying a simple, uncomplicated after-work booze without thinking about its provenance.

But you shouldn't feel guilty if you spend a few more minutes at your favorite store choosing the right pick-me-up craft beer.


Beers can be complicated. And dozens of other men in their late 20s or early 30s, especially first-time drinkers, are in the off-license and frozen on the spot, having found themselves in a similar predicament.