Ever since I was a teen, I had this theory that guys are like traffic lights. They don't choose the right person to marry. Instead, they wait until their green lights on.
It turns out I was at least halfway onto something. But, we're not here to destroy men. It's only reasonable to try to understand them and their ways, to help them and ourselves.
So, you meet a guy; you hit it off, you're planning a wedding. Is he ready for that whole package? And what makes a guy willing to get married?
We're not from different planets, sorry John Gray
After talking to my guy friends, all I can say is that we're not that different. Men need to feel secure in their careers, finances, and when the right woman comes along, they also have to say goodbye to their booty calls and bar hopping.
Sounds reasonable, but much less romantic than any classic novel ever taught us. Unless it's Bukowski.
But, here's the thing. Guys have their timelines, and so do women. The more we talk about equality, the more understanding I have for all the men who dumped their perfect girlfriends to chase, not another skirt, but other life opportunities.
So, now that we've established that we belong on the same planet, here's each section of a guy's life, he needs to get in order to be ready for marriage.
What should a man do before getting married?
It may scare you, but tying the knot is a big deal. Divorce rates are growing, the whole world is in chaos, and we are learning the value of space and self.
Chances of success aren't looking up, and that's why a guy needs to find someone who will be his partner in crime, a lady who shares his values, interests, and understands him.
When it's all said and done, men need the following:
a level of maturity, which can't be forced
career on the right path
enough money to feel like a provider
and someone ready to tie the knot as well
We may list many reasons, but the bottom line is that maturity and the need for the family play a vital part. Bad news for all the gals who still believe that love's enough.
How do you know a man is ready for marriage?
According to experts, most women do know whether their guy is the one. They simply refuse to listen to their gut, or they are too busy not paying enough attention to the reality of their relationships.
The tell-all signs that he wants to be a hubby are:
he talks commitment
his circle of friends is changing their relationship status
finally, he knows how to make money
While it all sounds great in theory, he may not be truly ready to settle. In fact, he may simply feel that it's time, which isn't the most romantic, or the best reason to promise someone forever.
That's why your gut instinct should play its part. Start thinking about how he talks to you, smiles at you, the way he's acting when you're among friends, and remember that actions count. Words can be entirely useless.
What are the things to do before getting married?
Before you settle down, start having kids, and enjoy family life, there are certain things men and women should achieve.
You don't have to climb Mount Everest or get a ton of tattoos. You should, however, do the following:
take a solo trip
master self-love, from meditating to being your own BFF
have your heart broken
and break someone's heart
live alone, or with a roommate
have a plan B for your career
Improve your chances of success in marriage by learning more about yourself and creating a resilient mindset.
Being ready to marry someone is pretty much like any other business transaction; again, this is another wisdom from my early teens. But if you think about it, you're signing a contract, and love's just a small part of the whole deal.
Bad news for all the lovely guys
Well, it may sound strange, but according to experts and statistics, more women are now declining marriage than ever.
We're now witnessing the rise of experts, highly educated women, and men are still afraid of strong, independent women. So what about all the loving guys who want to get married and have a somewhat traditional marriage?
Drop the traditional, stop thinking you're still the primary provider, and let your woman progress and grow, even if that means becoming a stay at home parent.
Start thinking about making your woman's life more comfortable and stop your toxic macho thinking. To quote the least evolved TV guy, Michael Scott: "Well, well, well. How the turntables."
He's ready to marry you when...
1. He's not deciding on his own, but you're included as well.
2. Your guy doesn't see you merely as a woman but as his equal.
3. He's no longer obsessing over his single life.
4. You know he's no longer in his puberty, and he's still not in a mid-life crisis.
5. You're not getting expensive gifts, because he's saving money for your future.
6. He wants to know where you stand on the whole "ready to settle down" issue.
7. Finally, he is not afraid of spending more time with your family.
Now that we listed all possible "he's ready to marry me" scenarios, let's give guys some credit. Just like us, ladies, they're not all the same.
If a guy refuses to settle down, that's his choice. Perhaps he loves his life, doesn't want kids, or doesn't think the marriage is a good business deal.
The pressure of getting married can backfire majorly. And if you're dating someone, and can't stop talking white picket fence, guess what? You're not doing yourself any favors.
If one partner isn't ready, your chances of getting happily ever after are slim to none. And that's all a gal should really know about marriage.
To put in the words of my teenage self: wait for the green light, you know, when a guy's the one talking about settling down and being tired of chasing skirts. Or pants, the same rule applies.