Allowing yourself to be slightly selfish is healthy and even necessary. But uncontrolled selfishness often grows into toxicity.
Relationships always have to be about companionship and compromise. And if you find yourself delivering to all your partner's needs, while none of yours are met - it is no longer love. It is slavery.
Sometimes it is hard to tell if your partner is toxic for several reasons, including emotional attachment, habit, and fear of being alone. So, to do a quick reality check and see if your relationship is healthy, go over these 5 signs that will help you recognize an incredibly selfish partner.
1. They Don't Listen
You know that they are perfectly capable of hearing, yet most of the things you say go unnoticed. No matter how important it is to you and how you are trying to communicate it - there seems to be an invisible wall.
And then as you repeatedly bring it up, they act as if this is the first time they're hearing it. Obviously, that causes a significant amount of confusion and frustration.
2. They Don't Adjust For You
We can't change who we are for another person, but if the love is real, we always try to adjust some of our habits to make our partners feel comfortable. Toxically selfish people don't really care how anyone else feels, as long as they can do things their way.
Ask yourself: how much does it really bother me? Because there is a difference between harmless quirks and straight-up abusive behavior. The way to tell one from another is to evaluate how it makes you feel.
3. They Want To Control Everything
If they are trying to regulate your every move and set up unreasonable boundaries each step of the way - chances are they are selfish in an unhealthy way. Functioning relationships are built on mutual trust and allowing each other a certain amount of personal freedom.
The obsession with control might sometimes come off as care, but don't be fooled. If your partner is forbidding you from doing something, it means that they don't believe you have a right to it.
4. They Are Not Interested In You
When was the last time they asked how your day went? How about the last time they told you everything about theirs? If there is a noticeable time difference between the two - consider it a red flag.
We can all be tired, but this doesn't mean that we will not care about our loved ones. Healthy communication between the partners is the only path to mutual benefits and preserved affection.
5. They Are The Center Of The Universe
They look at every situation from their own perspective and won't even consider that there might be another side to the story. It's always about how they feel, what they think, and what they are planning to do.
And while there is nothing wrong with having an opinion or a plan, considerate partners will always consult with each other. Impulsive and irrational decisions are common for toddlers, not for adults who are building a future together.
If neither of the above 5 signs to recognize an incredibly selfish partner applied to your case - great, your relationship is authentic and sincere. If some or all of them sounded like your everyday life, there are two things you can do.
You could try and communicate your concerns to your partner because it is possible they are not aware of how much they were hurting you. In some cases, the relationship grows even stronger as the partners learn more about each other's way of thinking.
If you keep hitting the brick wall, the healthiest solution might be to let go. Your self-worth is a crucial element to your inner peace and sacrificing it for someone who doesn't appreciate you is simply harmful.