The Harder You Chase After Him, The More You’ll Hurt Elayna SkyeOctober 2019 Get something straight: the more you go after him, the more power he has over you. And I get it. Nothing sucks as much as seeing him phone it in when you are doing all you can to keep him interested. But be that as it may, doing most of the chasing does not help things at all. What you are doing is teaching him to take you for granted. You are assuring him you will be there for him even when he does not reciprocate the gesture. And do you want that kind of relationship? Even if you might not be sure, I promise you this: you don’t. You are tolerating and encouraging mediocrity, allowing him to do whatever he feels like with no consequence. Not to blame the victim here, but you are also encouraging him to make the minimal effort and contribute less to the relationship. I mean, how do you expect him to rise to the occasion and plan a good date or send the first text when you are always doing it yourself? All your relentless pursuits are making him lazy. Because you are doing all the chasing, the first moves will be all on you. He will never bother to chase. Why would he when he doesn’t need to? For him to chase you, stop the chasing yourself, even if it’s just for a moment. Doing all the chasing makes him contented in never having to make any effort. And trust me, that is not good for any of you. The effort will wear on you. And guess what? You will resent him and doubt yourself and your self-worth. In fact, soon, he might decide you are not worth it and start ignoring the texts and the messages. Yes, making all the effort reduces your worth in his eyes. Canceling dates will become a casual thing for him. Taking you for granted will be the norm in your relationship. So, you will start wondering: “I never do this to him, why does he do it to me? Does he not appreciate all I am doing for him?” Then the day will come when you will realize how exhausting it can be to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship. On that day, you will realize the only solution is to end it. You can’t always be the one who cares more, loves more, does more and bears all the responsibility. That’s too much effort for one person. You will accept that the unfairness does not have a place in your life. So, you will either leave, or be treated as you deserve. But before you get there, you can stop the chasing and avoid the hurt right now. If he is worth it, he will attempt to carry his weight. If not, you will know and leave in search of better pastures. Why wait until you doubt yourself, resent him, and hate your life? That’s so toxic. You should not have a million questions running through your head regarding where you stand in the relationship. Wondering whether you are attractive enough and why he does not make any effort. Issues like why you are always the one planning the dates should not be your daily obsession. Putting yourself in a position where you constantly doubt what you are doing wrong or in what ways you are inadequate is not right. Be fair to yourself. The chasing will only make you more vulnerable, and it will expose only the worst about you. So, don’t be surprised if he rejects you thinking you are not the right person. A time might come when he even finds your attention suffocating. And guess what? He might even ghost you and break your heart without even feeling guilty for it. The worst part is that none of this will bother him. He has grown to count on your understanding and forgiveness. He knows you will always let him off the hook. He is so confident you won’t leave because he can see how much you want to keep him close. Whichever way you look at it, that is a terrible position to put yourself in. You cannot be in a relationship where you are making all the effort. He is a grown man for heaven’s sake, not a month’s-old toddler who has nothing to give back for all the work you have to put in. Find someone who deserves you. Get someone who makes as much effort as you do. Don’t allow yourself to be the only person who tries. But be assured of one thing: the more chasing you do, the more pain you will bring upon yourself. The worst part is that your will suffer all that pain and it will be no one else’s fault but your own. So, stop with all the chasing. Respect yourself. Know your worth. Don’t put yourself in a position where you feel insecure. Why let a guy who does not deserve you break your heart? It’s just not worth it. Either he plays his part or you leave. No other option.