The Full List Of Top Comebacks And Funny Insults

How many times have you been part of silly arguments with your friends, or even enemies? Probably a lot, right?

If you have been wondering how you can save yourself from such situations, then you are right where you need to be.

You don't have to respond to those senseless comments with a blank look and total silence. You should not be that overwhelmed. Sure, people get lost for words in some scenarios, but it should not happen all the damn time.

Believe it or not, you can avoid this.

What does it take?

Well, luckily for you, here is a list of incredible and failsafe sarcastic comments that will help you have some of the most legendary comebacks during the next silly argument you have with your buddies.

The comebacks will also work great for your enemies, bullies, and any other unsavory characters whose ridiculous arguments always leave you wondering what to say next.

The next time you are in such argumentative battles with them, they won't see it coming. For once, they will be left with their mouths open after you give them some of the most incredible comebacks they have ever heard.

So, don't let their smart mouths scare you any longer. Arm yourself with this list of amazing argument comebacks and your life will never be the same.

Just a note:

This is all about fun. So, it's not about hurting people, but having some harmless fun.

In other words, be smart as you use these comebacks. Make sure they fit the occasion. Don't let some witty lines turn you into a jerk that goes around offending and hurting people. That will not work out so well for you, eventually.

So, be sure to use the information here only when it is absolutely necessary. As they say, with great power comes great responsibility.

Otherwise, have fun. Here you go!

  1. You aren't worth the dust that the wind is blowing on your face.
  2. I desire that we be better strangers.
  3. Life's a b*tch. Oh no, wait. That's you.
  4. I hope you lose weight so there will be less of you!
  5. I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
  6. I told my therapist about you.
  7. If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have a dollar.
  8. You're the reason nobody likes you.
  9. I love the sound you make when you shut up.
  10. Anyone who ever said they loved you lied.
  11. I hope your day becomes filled with people like you.
  12. I'm sorry, you've mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
  13. It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste.
  14. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
  15. I get so emotional when you're not around. The emotion is happiness, by the way.
  16. If stupid could fly, you'd be a jet.
  17. Awww…it's cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
  18. I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.
  19. Seriously, your mouth is so foul! Should I offer you a tic-tac or toilet paper?
  20. On your mark, get set, go f*ck yourself!
  21. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
  22. I thought of you today, and it pissed me off.
  23. May your life be as pleasant as you are.
  24. Of all the mistakes in the world, you are the mistakiest!
  25. Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?
  26. I would ask you how old you are, but I know that you can't count that high.
  27. You smell like drama and headaches. Please stay away from me!
  28. May you always step on a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
  29. It's okay if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right.
  30. May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
  31. There's no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you the first time.
  32. Whenever I see you, my middle finger gets an erection.
  33. May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
  34. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
  35. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people in the world.
  36. Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan!
  37. Shock me, say something intelligent.
  38. If you're going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
  39. I'm not rude. I just speak what everyone else is thinking of you.
  40. You need a kiss…on the neck…from a crocodile.
  41. You are like the sun—not because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you.
  42. Stupidity is not a crime, so you're free to go.
  43. How do you keep yourself from not choking on the constant flow of bullsh*t that's coming out of your mouth? You are seriously amazing!
  44. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
  45. Let's go to the zoo. I've always wanted to meet your family.
  46. Normally, people live and learn. You, on the other hand, just live.
  47. I don't know what your problem is, but I'm guessing it's hard to pronounce.
  48. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? You know what an asshole is, right?
  49. I would roast you but my mom told me that I'm not allowed to burn trash.
  50. Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
  51. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize my happiness makes you so miserable.
  52. I hear there's a new app called "Sense of Humor." Please download it.
  53. If you don't like my opinion of you—improve yourself!
  54. Long story short, because you wouldn't be able to follow with the long one.
  55. My life may be a joke, but it's not as funny as your face.
  56. I'd like to see things from your view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
  57. I can only please one person a day. Today isn't your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
  58. Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon!
  59. I can tell when you're lying. Your lips are moving.
  60. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
  61. I'd insult you, but then I'd have to explain it afterward, so never mind.
  62. I'm busy, you're ugly. Have a nice day.
  63. You deserve a hug…around the neck…with a rope.
  64. What you lack in intelligence, you more than make up for in stupidity.
  65. You speak an infinite deal of nothing.
  66. In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.
  67. I would love to insult you, but that would be beyond the level of your intelligence.
  68. I hope you step on a LEGO.
  69. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication.
  70. Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.
  71. They say: "You are what you eat." How much crap did you eat this morning?
  72. You're like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
  73. Know your role, shut your hole!
  74. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  75. If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
  76. Sorry for the mean, awful accurate things I said.
  77. The only thing I don't like about you is the constant inhaling and exhaling habit you have.
  78. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
  79. I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not you.
  80. Okay, let me file what you just said under 'I couldn't care less.'
  81. Are you afraid that zombies will eat your brain? Nah, you'll be fine.
  82. If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog.
  83. Your ass must be jealous of all the sh*t that's coming out of your mouth.
  84. Are you naturally this dumb or do you have to put in the effort?
  85. You look like a 'before' picture.
  86. I may be fat, but fat can be burned. Ugly, on the other hand, is much more difficult to fix.
  87. The trash gets picked up early tomorrow. Be ready.
  88. If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd poop on.
  89. I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
  90. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  91. I don't remember asking for your opinion.
  92. Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
  93. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  94. If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.
  95. I'm sorry you got offended that one time you were treated the exact way you treat everyone all the time.
  96. I would slap you but sh*t splatters, and that would be too much of a mess.
  97. If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape.
  98. I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  99. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
  100. I expected an intellectual conversation, but it seems there's no one around to have that with.
  101. You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
  102. You're not pretty enough to be that stupid.
  103. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
  104. Oops, my bad. I could've sworn I was dealing with an adult.
  105. I tried to put myself in your shoes, but they were cheap and ugly just like you.
  106. Keep talking. Who knows, someday you might be able to say something intelligent.
  107. Somewhere out there, there's a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe. I think you should go and apologize to it.
  108. Some people bring joy wherever they go. You, on the other hand, bring joy whenever you go.
  109. I have seen bread smarter than you.
  110. You consistently set low expectations and fail to achieve them.
  111. Too bad you can't photoshop an ugly personality.
  112. Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
  113. Don't you love nature despite what it did to you?
  114. You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions.
  115. I didn't know that answering a question was considered 'talking back.'
  116. I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.
  117. If you're gonna be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise, you're just an ass.
  118. If you're going to wait for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat—because it's probably going to take you a really long time.
  119. Brains aren't everything. In your case, they're nothing.
  120. Shit happens. I mean, look at your face.
  121. Sometimes, it's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid rather than open it and remove all doubt.
  122. I'd love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this chainsaw.
  123. You shouldn't act hard-to-get when you're already hard-to-like.
  124. Feed your own ego. I'm busy.
  125. There's someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.
  126. 'Pew! Pew! Pew!' That's the sound of me deflecting your whiny b*tching with my happiness shield.
  127. Your face is just fine, but you'll have to put a bag over that personality.
  128. It's such a beautiful day to leave me alone. Scram!
  129. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
  130. Someday, you'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
  131. Sometimes, I wish I was deaf so your grammar wouldn't bother me so much.
  132. You must think you're strong, but you only smell strong.
  133. Keep talking…I'm diagnosing you.
  134. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
  135. There's only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in half—I don't want two of you around!
  136. Your brain has two parts—the 'left' and the 'right'. On the left side, there's nothing right. On the right side, there's nothing left.
  137. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem!
  138. Were you born this stupid, or did you take lessons?
    139.Whoever told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice.
  139. Awww…my middle finger likes you.
  140. I've met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus.
  141. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything!
  142. I'm not arguing. I'm simply explaining why I'm right.
  143. Isn't this a battle of wits? You appear to be unarmed
  144. Can you die of constipation? I ask because I'm worried about how full of sh*t you are.
  145. Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list.
  146. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
  147. When your mom dropped you off at school, she got apprehended by the authorities for littering.
  148. I'm sorry I didn't get that. I don't speak bullsh*t.
  149. I'd make a joke about your mother, but you being here has already done that for me.
  150. Did your parents ever ask you to run away?
  151. Do you know what's funny? Not you, so shut up!
  152. How long did it take you to come up with that one?
  153. I would like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure if you have anywhere to store it.
  154. ABRACADABRA! Nope, you're still a b*tch.
  155. It must be hard putting makeup on your two faces.
  156. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.
  157. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  158. I don't understand your specific kind of 'stupidity,' but I do admire your total commitment to it.
  159. You are not as bad as people say. You are much, much worse.
  160. Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parents.
  161. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, I thought you already knew you were stupid.
  162. I don't argue with idiots. They will just lower me to their level, then beat me with experience.
  163. Now I know why everyone talks about you behind your back.
  164. I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.
  165. Here's a tissue, you have a little piece of sh*t on your lips.
  166. If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
  167. You are so ugly that when you looked in the mirror, your reflection walked away.
  168. Even dogs don't like you.
  169. 2 words, 1 finger. Do the math!
  170. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted.
  171. Before you tell me what I did wrong, you should first know that I don't care.
  172. I'm so jealous of all the people that haven't met you yet.
  173. You're giving me the silent treatment? Finally!
  174. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
  175. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.
  176. You should introduce your upper lip to your lower lip sometime and shut up!
  177. You're giving me the douchebumps.
  178. I'd give you a nasty look, but I see you've already got one.
  179. I wanna give you a high five…on the face…with a hammer.
  180. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
  181. If everyone was like you, the human race would lose faith in the world.
  182. There's only one problem with your face, I can see it.
  183. You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
  184. I'm sorry, was that meant to offend me? The only thing offending me right now though is your face.
  185. The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
  186. Do you see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
  187. Mind if I ask where the OFF button for your mouth is?
  188. Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I don't want to hit you in the face.
  189. And by 'K.' I meant 'F*ck you!'
  190. Look at the time, it's time for you to shut the f*ck up!
  191. Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
  192. My alone time is meant for your safety.
  193. So if I typed 'idiot' into Google image search, would your picture come up?
  194. Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. Oh wait, it's not coming off.
  195. I've been called worse by better people.
  196. Me, jealous of you? Bless your delusional heart!
  197. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
  198. Goeth & fucketh thyself!
  199. If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.