Once upon a time, before I met my husband, I had this boyfriend. I'm pretty sure every girl had one of these, but then again, I might be the only one.
Our story began at this birthday party. We didn't know each other, but we had some friends in common so we started talking. A few lines turned into a whole night of analyzing life and death, music, love, and everything in between.
It sounds like a magical beginning, right?
To put a cherry on top, it started snowing that very night and we had one of those movie-like walks.
Nothing happened that night, though. We parted as friends.
But we continued seeing each other frequently. Coffees, lunches, walks, breakfasts - you name it. Slowly but surely, we both started to feel like we should be more than friends. Mostly because we were so much alike, it was like looking in a proverbial mirror.
And at first, it did seem magical.
Unfortunately, that magic disappeared quickly. He would be too busy to see me, too busy to text. He always ended up having some problems that were so monumental that he couldn't talk to me about them.
Not even a full month in, we broke up.
It was hard for me because I really thought he was the one.
But then a week or two after our breakup, he texted me. He seemed happy and genuinely interested in seeing me again. Naturally, I still had feelings for him, so I agreed.
Our relationship was back on track after that.
However, this attempt didn't last either. We broke up again.
That on and off thing lasted for about a year. I was constantly worried that he would disappear on me when we were together, and when we were apart, I would anxiously wait for the day he'll text me.
I was so confused and dazed by that constant emotional rollercoaster. I couldn't even see great guys around me. I couldn't even see myself.
He'd always come back with grand gestures. He worked on a radio for a while, and he played our song one day, dedicating it to me. I was over the moon. Then there were flowers, poems, stories, etc.
At some point, he started unraveling and I realized that most things were a lie. I still wanted to try to keep us together.
But I was tired.
And it seems as though that tiredness and emotional fatigue helped me see myself, maybe just for a moment, and a woman I could be without him in the picture.
That gave me the strength I needed to cleanse my heart and find more room for me.
He tried to get me back several times after that, but I was already awake, my feet firmly on the ground. I knew who I was and how much I was worth to me.
I let him go and I never looked back.
So, if you are feeling now like I felt then, please know that you are not alone. Many of us get stuck in relationships, losing a sense of who we are and how important we are. Try to see yourself clearly and think about whether someone is worth all of your hard work and your love.
Remember to love yourself.
Remember your value.