It's important to know if you and your partner are on the same page before getting serious. Don't follow outdated advice about playing it cool and ask these important relationship questions early on. Otherwise, you risk entering a relationship blindly.
1. Do You Want Kids?
It's important to ask about this early on because having (or not having) children is a dealbreaker for many couples. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want the same things as you, because they are unlikely to change their mind. Find out how to avoid any potential arguments about having children in the future.
2. Do You Want A Future Together?
It's frustrating to waste time in a relationship only to find out that the other person never wanted anything more than a casual arrangement. Even if you've been together for a year or two, that doesn't necessarily mean that your partner wants a future with you. It's important to clarify this early on.
3. What Things Won't You Compromise On?
Some people have unrealistic standards and are unwilling to compromise. For example, what if your partner would end the relationship if you gained 20 pounds? Maybe they only want to engage in certain sexual positions or dislike oral sex. It's important to find out their limits early on and decide if they are deal breakers for you.
4. Will Your Parents And Friends Be A Problem?
It's a good thing to consider whether your partner would stand up for you, especially if their family or friends are causing problems. Will they stay with you or leave if someone they care about doesn't like you?
5. What Are Your Top Priorities?
You, your family, friends, career, and personal goals must be prioritized in a relationship. Make sure that your partner's priorities align with your own.
6. What Are Your Views On Women?
Just because someone is dating you doesn't mean they respect women. They may simply want a casual sexual relationship. If they don't view you as an equal or believe that a woman's role is to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, it's important to find out early on. If their views are outdated, consider ending the relationship.
7. How Important Is Sex To You?
Differences in sexual desire or preferences can be a significant source of conflict in a relationship. It may be difficult to discuss, but it is important to openly communicate about this topic. You may want to ask your partner about the level of importance they place on sex, their frequency of desire, and any hard boundaries or limits they have.
8. What Are Your Religious And Political Views?
It is recommended to address topics such as religion and politics during the early stages of a relationship, such as on the second date. Disagreements on these matters may be a sign that the relationship may not be compatible. It is important to consider whether or not you and your partner will be able to have respectful discussions and potentially agree to disagree on these topics. If one person is overly passionate about their beliefs and unwilling to compromise, it may be difficult to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
9. Do Independent Women Scare You?
It can be challenging to determine the extent of your independence until you have been in a relationship with someone for some time. It is important to consider whether your independence may be perceived as a threat by your partner. This is closely related to the concept of respecting women, as having a healthy level of independence is often seen as a sign of respect for oneself.
10. What Do You Want From Your Own Life?
It is important to consider whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone who exhibits immaturity. As an adult, you may have other priorities and responsibilities that do not include nurturing the emotional or personal growth of your partner. A good way to assess your partner's level of responsibility and readiness for a committed relationship is to ask about their goals and how they plan to achieve them. This can give you insight into whether they are capable of managing their own life and pursuing their aspirations, or if they may be a "hot mess" who is not yet ready for a mature, healthy relationship.
11. What Are Your Deal-breakers?
You should discuss and potentially address political beliefs early on in a relationship, as these differences can potentially be deal breakers. Even on a first date, it can be valuable to ask about each other's political affiliations and see if you share similar views. Similarly, dietary preferences and habits can also be a potential source of conflict in a relationship. If one person follows a vegan diet and the other enjoys meat, it may be necessary to have a conversation about how this difference will be addressed in the relationship. Even small actions, such as ordering a steak in front of a vegan partner, can potentially cause tension and should be avoided if possible.
12. How Do You Handle Fights?
It is recommended to consider how your partner handles conflicts and expresses their emotions. Everyone has a unique way of communicating and resolving conflicts, and it is important to determine whether or not you are comfortable with your partner's style. Some people may become angry and throw things or yell, while others may need to take some time to cool off before discussing the issue. It is important to ensure that there is a method of conflict resolution that both you and your partner feel comfortable with and that you can handle. You do not want to be with someone who runs away from or avoids dealing with conflicts, as this can lead to problems in the relationship.
13. What Are Your Prejudices?
Although it may be uncomfortable to ask, it is important to determine whether or not your partner holds prejudiced views towards specific genders, races, or nationalities. It is not acceptable to be with someone who harbors hatred or discrimination towards any group of people.
14. How Is Your Financial Situation?
Discussing financial matters in a relationship can be a sensitive and uncomfortable topic for many people. However, as a relationship progresses and becomes more serious, it is important to have a conversation about financial stability and compatibility. This is especially true if you are considering a future together, as it is necessary to know if both parties are financially able to support each other and pursue shared goals such as purchasing a house.
Why It's So Important To Ask These Relationship Questions Early
It might seem more natural to wait until these topics come up naturally, but doing so would be a mistake.
1. You Don't Want To Waste Your Time
Asking these relationship questions early on is crucial because it allows you to make the most of your time. It's not that you're rushed to be in a relationship, but rather that you have other goals and commitments in your life and can't afford to waste time. By finding out if your date is on the same page as you early on, you can avoid investing time and energy into a relationship that isn't aligned with your goals. If you discover that you're not compatible, it's easier to move on and focus on other things.
2. You Don't Want To Waste Their Time
It's essential to consider the other person's time and goals as well. If you don't see long-term compatibility due to differing views on important issues, it's best to end things so that both of you can move on and find someone who is better aligned with your goals. It's a matter of mutual respect.
3. You Want To Know What You're In For
Understanding the answers to these relationship questions can help you determine the potential compatibility with this person. While it is possible to have differences in opinions on smaller issues and still maintain a healthy relationship, incompatible views on important topics such as children and finances may indicate that a relationship with this person would be tumultuous and likely not succeed in the long term.
4. You Weed Out The Bad Ones This Way
It is common for people to put on a charming facade when they first meet someone, only to reveal their true nature over time. Asking probing questions that require deep thought can help you get a better understanding of a person's values and behaviors. Paying attention to red flags that may have initially gone unnoticed can save you from entering a potentially toxic or unhealthy relationship. It is important to be mindful of who you allow into your life and to prioritize your well-being.
5. It Helps Cement Your Deal-breakers
You and your date may have different long-term goals or preferences, such as where you want to live in the future. Initially, you may believe that compromising on these differences is not an option and that it would make you unhappy. However, as you get to know the other person and enjoy spending time with them, you may begin to see that the location is not as important as the person you are with. On the other hand, you may find that your differences are deal-breakers and that it is best to end the relationship.
When Is The Right Time To Ask These Relationship Questions?
There is no one right answer to this, but there are some things to think about before broaching the subject.
1. These Aren't Really Appropriate For The First Date
While it may be tempting to ask in-depth questions on a first date, it is important to remember that you do not yet know the person well (if at all). It is best to start with a light conversation and get to know the person gradually before delving into more personal or serious topics. Take your time and allow the conversation to unfold naturally. There will be plenty of opportunities to learn more about the person in the future.
2. By The Third Date Or So, You Should Be Good To Go
After a few dates, you may be ready to move on to a deeper stage of the relationship. While you may not be an official couple yet, you both enjoy spending time together and are interested in exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship. This is a positive sign and indicates that you are both invested in the relationship.
3. Don't Wait Too Long
While it is completely up to you to decide when to have more in-depth conversations with your partner, it is important to have a general understanding of each other's values and goals sooner rather than later. If you wait too long, you may discover that your long-term goals and desires are incompatible with your partner's, which could potentially lead to conflict or the end of the relationship. It is better to address these issues early on and have an open and honest conversation about your wants and needs in a relationship.
