It doesn’t make any difference if your boyfriend doesn’t get up on time, has horrible taste in clothes, forgets appointments, loses the car keys, or never picks things up. If you parent and try to raise your boyfriend, you are actually showing them a lack of acceptance and a lack of respect.
Are you raising your boyfriend, mothering him too much instead of dating him? Let’s find out.
You carry him financially.
Is your boyfriend unemployed or underemployed, then maybe it’s time to figure out why he is? We all know times are difficult, but unless you got extremely lucky after high school or college, then you worked to get to where you are today. So a relationship should be 50/50, why should you be the one to carry the burden because he’s lazy.
Every job he doesn’t have he deems not good enough for him.
Is he looking for a job? If he is, notice how he reacts to jobs he didn’t get or won’t even apply for. Are they all beneath him or are they below his skills. Maybe they are below his skills, but when you need a job after being unemployed for a long period of time, if you truly wanted a job, you don’t have room to choose jobs. You take whatever work you can get.
The plans are all made by you.
All relationships should be 50/50, it may feel like an independent thing to you, but really it shouldn’t be up to you to be the one to reach out all the time. Why should it be you that decides where to go every time and make the arrangements, while he just has to show up.
Tiny things make him snap.
When your boyfriend is usually so stress-free and relaxed, it can be a bit of a surprise when tiny things make him snap. The reason behind this is often because he has no real responsibilities in his life. He can recover quickly from this once he finally gets some responsibilities.
When you fight, he says mean things to you.
It’s a given that couples fight, it’s normal, but no matter how angry he gets in an argument or how wrong you might be, it should never be a reason or an excuse for him to be mean to you. A man who can’t control his emotions to not be a total asshole in a fight doesn’t deserve you. End of story!
His stuff is all over the place, and his room is a mess.
If a man can’t take care of himself, what hope has he of taking care of his stuff? This includes everything, where he lives, his car, his clothes, you name it. This is where women often fall into the trap of helping their partner out by helping them clean up, this of course is always a nice thing to do once in a while, just to be nice. But when it becomes part of your to-do list, time to take a step back.
Everything is put on the long finger – talking, cleaning, getting a job, you name it, everything!
Procrastination — we’re all guilty of it, especially once adult life kicks in and you’re trying to juggle so much more. If your boyfriend puts off the small things, like making the dinner reservations, picking up his socks from the floor, bringing out the trash, he probably just doesn’t care enough. It’s not that he’s busy, he just procrastinates and hopes you forget what you’d asked him to do, or end up just doing it yourself.
You seem to constantly be making excuses for him to your friends for how he behaves.
Hopefully, at this stage in the game, your friends will start to call you out on things. If you constantly find yourself making excuses for him when he’s forgotten your birthday, or why he didn’t show up with you on a night out with everyone as planned or telling your friends all the time that he’s so close to getting his dream job.
The first thing you need to do is realize that showing concern, helping out and being caring for your boyfriend is normal and expected. It is when you cross that line into the parenting role that normal nurturing stops and parenting begin. If this sounds like you, stop it! Time to kick him out of the nest.