To those of you who are languishing in March without any resolutions, or having long since abandoned their old ones, I have some advice for you. For the rest of 2020 in order to maintain a sense of purpose and selfhood, stop dating assholes!
If they aren't going to prioritise you, don't give them the time of day. Simple as. If they're on their phone as much as they talking to you on a date, you aren't on a date. You're just sitting opposite a stranger.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but also if they've not made eye contact in an hour of drinking together, they're also a no go. That's a classic sign of intimacy issues or an unwillingness to look you and your relationship in the eye. Literally.
If they're going to be unobservant and inattentive lovers then you can spot the red flags straight away.
If They're Edgy, Jumpy Or Unfocused, Don't Invest More Time In Them.
There's nervousness, yes. But there's just plain distracted. If you can't hold their attention now on the first date – when it's most essential – what can you expect later on. It's all downhill from that.
If they're known for bailing at the last minute or trying to rain-check you all the time, read between the lines. They're just saying yes provisionally to plans with you but waiting around for a better idea to come along.
Don't be someone's plan B. don't settle for anything less than the best. It's what you deserve, trust me. If they're not making time or putting the hours in, why would you expect to be treated the way you deserve in the future.
You Aren't Just There When It's Convenient To Them.
If that's the dynamic then there's no emotional intimacy and if you can't trust them to answer your calls when you need them, why are they even there?
What's the point of an empty relationship? If 2019 was the time to make these mistakes in relationships, don't waste your time in 2020. In 2020, look for what you expect in a partner. Don't just accept the first sign of attention that comes along.
Your worth in 2020 will not be defined by the people giving you attention only when it suits them. It's so important to value your own time and energy. If the relationship has a natural expiration date, give it a whirl by all means, but don't expect it to age well.
If you spend all your time forgiving them or accepting their apologies, or even defending them to your friends, reflect on that.
You Should Be Singing Their Praises, Or Boasting About Them.
Not trying to convince everyone that they're your equal. You shouldn't have to defend good choices, so check that your relationships in 2020 aren't just settling.
If the relationship is asymmetrical, or you are more invested in them than they are, don't waste more emotions on them. They're just going straight down the drain. If they can't even sustain a text relationship, don't carry on.
If They Don't Want To Show You Off To Your Friends, Leave Them On The Curb.
Equally, if all he has to say are criticisms about your friends or lifestyle, you don't need that negativity.
Move past it; learn what you want and you can pursue it. Communicate your needs and if they aren't being met, then act accordingly. If you feel you can't share or be truly intimate with them then it's an empty relationship.
Furthermore, if you feel the need to hide them or bear the brunt of their temper or unpredictability, just don't. There's working to make a relationship, but there's overcompensating. You shouldn't pull the weight of your partner.
For 2020 don't chase a relationship that isn't really there in the first place.