I was raised in a certain way. My parents expected me to be kind to everyone, always think of others first. Don't do things that would cause them or anyone else to disapprove. You know, live a standard life and be a people's person.

Of course, there's not much wrong with that as it is. It's good to be kind. We need more of that in this world. But then again, this kind of thinking can really ruin someone's life.

Mine included.

I grew up shy, quiet, and always doing what's right. Not necessarily for me, but in general. Now, I love my parents and they are still wonderful people. But I don't always love what they taught me because it took near a decade to unlearn that and take from it only the best parts. I'm still struggling with that.

When I was younger, I'd always be good to people. I'd help them at my own expense, sacrifice my time and effort for them, and expect nothing in return. Some people were kind to me, but most were just using me.

And even though I helped people all the time, all it took was being unable to once for them to make me out to be the bad guy. How dare I not help them?

I used to feel so isolated because of that.

But, growing up for me meant learning not to be that person.

Take Care of Yourself First

This one meant losing a lot of "friends".

I realized I was wasting a lot of time. For example, I'd be there for every important event in their life, every pain, any bad day, breakup, and so on. But they never showed up for me.

And I never got mad because that's not what I was taught to do.

So, I just stopped.

Trust me, you'll never make people madder than when you start taking care of your needs first. When they realize that they can't treat you like that anymore, they get seriously angry.

Just don't be mean about it. This is just my advice, of course, and you can if you think people deserve it. But the essence is, everyone should put themselves first. They shouldn't be mad at you for putting yourself first and you shouldn't be mad at them for the same thing.

It's just how the world works.

Don't Be Apologetic About It

The thing is, when I started putting myself first, I started apologizing for it. Like "I'm really sorry, but I need to do my thing first. Sorry again".

No. Just no.

Forget that.

You're not sorry. You shouldn't be sorry. Act like it.

This took me a lot of time to learn. My parents taught me to apologize. A lot. And it's not just my parents either, because society raises women to apologize all the time, for the dumbest things. You never hear a man saying: "Oh, I'm sorry I can't make it.".

I still apologize sometimes.

Adopt that attitude: Sorry, not sorry.

Don't Be Mean

Suddenly becoming aware that you matter does not permit you to be mean to people. Remember how you felt when someone was mean to you. Don't be that person. Shine and let others shine.

All in all, putting yourself first will surprise people, make them angry, or make them disapprove. Don't worry about that. That's not your problem. Never be afraid to do what you think is right for you or put your foot down when you see that people are just abusing your kindness.

Remember that being good to others is not possible without being good to yourself first.