There are a couple of ways this article could go. One option will see me gratuitously talk about past relationships and all the things that worked and all the things that didn’t. another route is that I enact a rather lengthy discourse on emotional wish fulfilment of things I wish they’d done.
Well, I’m going to give you both. It’s your lucky day, guys – I’m about to tell how you to get your girl. And girls – this can only be good news for us too. Gone are the days where it’s appropriate for you to just send a drunken message at 3 am asking ‘U up’. You don’t even include the question mark! It’s 2019, guys, let’s punctuate our messages appropriately!!!
Okay, grammar lesson over – time for the love lesson…
The first rule of love? Brace yourself now, I’m about to blow your mind.
Having a significant other is great.
Having great friends is also fabulous. In short, having people that love you is like drinking hot chocolate and watching Friends reruns. You feel all warm and toasty inside and can probably feel your heart lurching forward and growing three sizes. Affirmations of love are the best things since sliced bread, but the really surprising fact remains that they don’t even need to cost a penny. You don’t even need to spend hours planning!
At it’s crux, the words ‘I love you’ serve to express and remind ourselves that we are both capable of loving another person, and that we are ourselves loved. It’s like killing two emotionally distressed birds with one cupid’s arrow. Okay, the metaphor got a little tangled, but you get my drift. You might know you love them from the off, you might not. But it’s something to keep in mind!
(For Beginners in Love) Some quick compliments:
These are easily squeezed into conversation and can really make your partner’s day! Remember to mix in the classics with the more rogue, intimate (even bizarre) compliments!
Your smile could probably light up a city block
I would do stupid things to hear you laugh
I love us/I love our dynamic – this one doesn’t seem as important as the big ILY on it’s own, however, this pairing of unified language and the explicit appreciation of your relationship together is extremely important. Your loved one can then feel both comfortable and powerful and desirable in a relationship, and alone.
You remind me of Spring
You have something of a world-ending voice
I could listen to you talk for days
Have I ever told you how much it meant to me that you (insert nuanced memory)
My parents would love you – this shows not only an intention to make the next step in the relationship and introduce your family to your special person, but this language anticipates a future together in general terms. It’s always nice to be featured in people’s longer-term plans.
Another couple of suggestions – less conversation based, but still reliant on having established that common ground! A great way to move the relationship forward.
This can confirm your mutual interest in each other.
Help them assemble IKEA furniture. It’s not one for the fainthearted but if you can survive it you’re in for the long haul. Just kick those four nails that you didn’t use under the bed and hope that they weren’t important.
Get them a new glasses case when you recognise theirs is unalterably in tatters – or equivalents. This one must be mindful that the tattered glasses case might still have symbolic value to the person, so use common sense, but the principle of responding to an anticipating their needs goes a long way to showing how important and in-tuned to them you are.
Send a postcard to their house just for the sake of it. Write something magical on the back or just copy up a naff poem or your favourite quote. I guarantee it’s going straight on their pin-board.
Facetime them just when you want a chat. Texting is so last century, and it’s always nice to know someone misses your face.
Make sure that she isn’t the one always making the plans.
You don’t want to come across as passive or lazy, so it’s all about making the effort. Just as much as she has to fling herself into short skirts and make-up and killer heels to look and feel good, you too need to prove willing. Why don’t you suggest something more interesting than just popping to the pub with an hour’s notice? Why not go full-hog and book out a nice restaurant out of town that you can both make an evening of it? While you’re at it, ask about her friends, family and hobbies.
The more you are interested in her, the more she will become interesting, and the more you will want to listen to her talk. That’s always a great sign that people are looking for in a partner – being a good listener. You don’t just want someone constantly dumping their stresses on you – you aren’t their therapist. However, you need to be available and open for them to confide in you.
If they don’t trust you or feel comfortable getting vulnerable or intimate with you, I wouldn’t predict there being much chance of you getting intimate in other ways later on.