Published in Nov 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
Too many people confuse the lust that they feel for love. The two could not be more different. It’s very easy, and frankly, quite normal, to lust after someone you love. However, not everyone you lust after is someone you love. Sometimes, lust is just exactly that; lust and nothing more. Here is a look at some surefire signs that you are in lust and not in love.
1. It’s all about their appearance:
If you find yourself obsessed with his looks and his body, and spend way too much time fantasizing about his killer abs, or his perfect set of pearly whites, then you are definitely in lust, sweetheart. Lust lacks depth, and focuses a lot more on the outside and not enough on what is inside.
2. You share no emotional intimacy:
With lust, it’s strictly all about sex. Not the kind of sex that creates an emotional bond or intimacy, but raw sex that is all about seeking gratification, with no feelings whatsoever attached to it. Even after the deed, you have no desire to cuddle, engage in cute pillow talk or create a moment after the moment.
If you would rather tear at each other’s clothes every chance you get than spend even a few minutes in deep conversation, chances are, you don’t talk much to each other, and don’t particularly care to.
3. You don’t spend quality time together:
You are perfectly fine with spending all your time together between the sheets. You don’t try to find any reasons to spend more quality time together. While couples who are in love make time for each other and pursue their common interests together, you couldn’t be bothered. The idea of spending time with him, and getting to know him holds zero appeal for you.
4. You love and live the fantasy:
You play into the fantasy and always ignore the real issues. You would rather sweep anything and everything under the rug than have a real conversation about real issues. You are not in love with this person but are very much in love with the idea of being with him. Even when you know it’s not going to work, you keep at it, because you allow yourself to live the fantasy where it’s all rosy and peachy.
5. You prefer keeping it a secret:
You are not interested in meeting his friends and family any more than you are in him meeting yours. He’s your well-kept secret, and you prefer to keep it that way. Even our best friend, the one you share everything with, may have no clue about him being a part of your life. When you are in love, you want everyone to know, but if the idea of other people finding out keeps you up at night, then it very well may be just lust.
6. There’s no real stability:
When you are in lust, there’s just always way too much drama. The two of you go through way too many highs and lows, which, although exciting at first, may leave you feeling insecure and doubting yourself after a while. Real love, on the other hand, brings with it a sense of stability, a sense of belonging, and the warm feeling of always knowing that someone always has your back.
7. You don’t see a future together:
Your focus is on the here and now. You enjoy the time you spend together, and most especially the time you spend together between the sheets, but cannot for the life of you picture him in your future. He is not the person you think about when you picture that house with a white picket fence and kids running around.
Confusing lust and love are very easy to do. Dig into your emotions and check against these and other signs and you will have no trouble differentiating between real love and fleeting lust.