Every relationship has its ups and downs, but it is not normal or healthy to constantly experience a roller coaster of emotions with your partner. It can be challenging to recognize when you are in a toxic and potentially damaging relationship. Keep reading for an explanation of what constitutes a tumultuous relationship and the signs you should be aware of.
What Is A Tumultuous Relationship?
The term "tumultuous" as defined by Oxford Languages, describes something that creates a loud, chaotic noise or a state of excitement, confusion, or disorder. From this definition, it's easy to surmise what a tumultuous relationship might entail.
A relationship that is tumultuous is characterized by a never-ending state of chaos. These partnerships are dysfunctional and toxic, where minor issues often escalate into fiery arguments and drama. Being in such a volatile and frenzied couple can make it difficult to feel settled and secure.
Signs You're In A Tumultuous Relationship
1. Your fights are constant and destructive
When your fights involve repeatedly discussing the same topics and escalate into explosive outbursts with raised voices, potentially leading to physical aggression or destruction of personal belongings, it indicates a concerning issue that needs attention. The presence of fear during these arguments is a clear sign that there are serious underlying problems that require addressing.
2. You pretend to have an amazing relationship in public and on social media
Despite what the world perceives, your relationship appears stable and serene to others. Your friends may think of you as the happiest couple, and your social media feeds are filled with pictures of cheerful couple selfies. However, deep down, you are aware that this is a façade, and you are desperate to maintain it, hiding the harsh reality of your relationship.
3. You experience extreme highs and lows
Your relationship with your partner is characterized by extremes. When things are good, they're exceptional, but when they're bad, you feel so down that it leads to depression. Although every couple experiences ups and downs, the intensity of your highs and lows shouldn't be so extreme that it disrupts your emotional equilibrium.
4. You feel alone even when you're together
Despite being physically present with your partner, you still experience loneliness. Their company doesn't provide comfort or relaxation, primarily because of the unpredictability of when things may turn sour. Being in a relationship should not make you feel worse than being alone. What is the point of a relationship if it only leads to negative emotions?
5. You've broken up and gotten back together multiple times
A relationship that lacks stability can be tumultuous, leading you to contemplate ending it. However, you may find yourself getting drawn back into the same cycle a few days or weeks later. This constant back-and-forth creates a never-ending cycle that makes both parties feel helpless and powerless to put an end to it.
6. There's a lot you don't feel you can talk to your partner about
You may choose to conceal things from your partner, not because you believe they're wrong, but because you doubt their concern or understanding. The fear of agitating or distressing them may prompt you to remain silent. However, being able to share everything with your partner is essential in a healthy relationship. If you can't, it's a sign of an underlying problem that needs to be addressed.
7. You're always one-upping each other or putting the other down
Individuals in a relationship should work together as a united team, rather than competing against one another. However, in a tumultuous relationship, both partners strive to diminish each other to boost their own self-esteem. They may deliberately demean each other to feel more dominant, creating a toxic and unhealthy dynamic.
8. You don't feel supported or encouraged
In a healthy relationship, your partner should be your number one supporter. Unfortunately, in a tumultuous relationship, you may not be able to count on their consistent support, as their stance or emotions can change unpredictably from one day to the next.
9. You often feel angry or resentful towards each other
Even when everything seems fine, you may still harbor intense anger or bitterness towards your partner. This is probably because the negative experiences and memories of the past are hard to forget. It's understandable to feel this way, given the circumstances.
10. You both put your own needs first
While prioritizing oneself is not inherently negative, excessive self-centeredness in a relationship can cause issues. You should never disregard your own needs for your partner's sake. However, it is crucial to consider and prioritize their needs as well. Neglecting to do so defeats the purpose of being in a relationship in the first place.
11. One or both of you have cheated
Infidelity can lead the betrayed partner to feel insecure and doubtful about their relationship. Constant paranoia about the possibility of their partner cheating can also cause the relationship to become unstable and turbulent. Living in such a state of constant suspicion is not a healthy way to sustain a relationship.
12. Your partner's behavior is very hot and cold
In a tumultuous relationship, your partner's mood swings can be unpredictable. One day, they may be affectionate and loving, while the next, they may act distant and uninterested. The inconsistency can make it difficult to establish stability and security in the relationship.
13. You often find yourself Fantasizing about other people
If you frequently find yourself daydreaming about being with someone else in a more peaceful and stable relationship, it might be time to consider ending your current tumultuous relationship. Feeling unsettled and unfulfilled in a relationship is not healthy, and it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and seek a relationship that provides the security and contentment you desire.
14. You don't trust each other
It's a common saying that trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it's undoubtedly accurate. It's impossible to build a positive and fulfilling partnership if you don't have complete confidence that your partner always has your best interests in mind.
15. You have nothing positive to say about each other
When your relationship is tumultuous, it can be challenging to remember the positive qualities that initially attracted you to your partner. Your interactions with them may be so turbulent that it feels challenging to think of anything positive to say about them or the relationship. This can be a clear indication that the relationship is in trouble and needs serious attention.
Can Relationships With So Much Dysfunction And Toxicity Be Saved?
Determining what to do about a tumultuous relationship can be complicated, as there's no one-size-fits-all answer. In some cases, the behavior and patterns in a tumultuous relationship may be genuinely destructive or even dangerous, making it necessary to end the relationship completely to protect the well-being of both individuals involved.
Although there are situations where ending a tumultuous relationship is necessary, it's important to acknowledge that many of the issues within a relationship can stem from unresolved personal baggage. With the proper tools and effort, it's possible to repair and change toxic patterns. It's essential to take actionable steps to break these patterns and prevent reverting to them in the future.
How To Fix Things
1. Learn how to communicate
Starting the healing process in a tumultuous relationship is challenging, but communication is key. Both partners need to express their true feelings and share their biggest concerns, as well as discuss how they want the relationship to improve.
2. Take a step back to reassess
It's important to take a step back and evaluate your feelings when in a chaotic relationship. Consider taking a break to reflect on the situation and figure out what needs to change before working on it together with your partner.
3. If necessary, see a therapist
Seeking couples therapy is a viable option to repair a tumultuous relationship and establish a happy, healthy partnership. There is no need to feel ashamed about seeking help from a qualified professional as it could be the key to saving your relationship.